


The Diary of a Queen's Pet

by Scarlette_Rayne



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-26
Packaged: 2018-02-09 13:47:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 73,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1985205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarlette_Rayne/pseuds/Scarlette_Rayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"My name is Emma. I know how strange it is that I don't have a family name but I don't. My name has always been just Emma. I have decided as it were to write down my life's story. Perhaps it's time I start at the beginning and hopefully by then you'll grow to understand just what it is that has made me into what I am; the dark queen's favorite pet."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

My name is Emma. I know how strange it is that I don’t have a family name but I don’t. My name has always been just Emma. Plain Emma; I don’t know whether I should be content with that title or not but somehow it’s comforting to not feel the weight of your family’s name on your shoulders. I’ve never known a single member of my family and though I sometimes think it must be nice to know them I’ve never truly missed them. They’re out there somewhere, but I’ve never actually sought them out myself. I suppose if I did, now, the Queen wouldn’t mind. Though she’s not one for sharing, my Queen; she’s a bit possessive of things she considers hers and I’m nothing if not hers.

Some people I suppose would chafe under the title of belonging to another but there is something comforting about knowing just who owns you. And I’m owned by none other than the evil queen of legends. People are absolutely terrified of her for various different reasons but I have yet to find any that truly stand out. She’s a powerful sorceress and strong ruler in her own right. She’s as I wrote possessive and she has a large jealous streak that rears its head when she thinks something that’s hers is about to be taken from her.  I’ll get to that part of my tale later.

I have decided as it were to write down my life’s story. For what purpose I have no idea but my friend Graham thought it would be a good idea since he hasn’t the ability to read or write. He wants to learn though, and I’ve promised him that I will teach him. He says the first story he will read will be mine and I want him to be able to do so. I only hope I do this tale justice. It’s a difficult road to explain and most people won’t understand it. Even now I fear what you may think, Graham, when you know what this truly is. It’s my history and that of the evil queen. My destiny has always been tangled with hers and those around her. It’s not the only thing I’ve ever been tangled in that belongs to the Queen. Some would say that I’m also tangled up in her dirty bed sheets but that is a part of the tale I will get to later.   Perhaps it’s time I start at the beginning and hopefully by then you’ll grow to understand just what it is that has made me into what I am; the dark queen’s favorite pet. 

* * *

 

My very first memory is red. How strange a thing it is to say that my first memory is a color but it’s true. I was a child of barely four summers. One of the female servants, a matronly stout woman named Elizabeth, who even now works in the kitchens, was braiding my hair into a tight plait so that I would be able to get my work done without it being in my face.

“Ow!” I cried out as she pulled my hair tightly, cinching the braid up my back.

“Honestly, Emma how do you expect me to braid your hair if you keep squirming.” Elizabeth asked, completely exasperated with my constant movements.

“If you didn’t pull it, I wouldn’t move.” I whimpered, trying to keep the tears at bay. Even to this day my head is still sensitive to even the slightest pull.

“It’s not for children to talk back to adults; you’d best remember that child. Learn your place in this world or it will be taught to you in a most painful fashion.”

I frowned at her words glancing over my shoulder to see her. She rolled her dark eyes at me and motioned for me to turn around so she could continue her work. When she finally finished, after a few more protests from me she sent me on about my day. First off I was to go down to the apple groves and collect the fallen fruit. The Queen, our Mistress, liked them a lot and since she did they were used in a lot of things that Elizabeth and the other women made.

I liked the apple trees, no one came to see them but me or so I thought. I still like the groves, they’re comforting to me but that day I was feeling particularly upset with the way Elizabeth had spoken to me and as such I couldn’t wait to escape to my favorite place on the grounds. So I ran down the stone steps, hopping over the boulders and flower beds that stood in my way. I knew Jasper would be upset with me if I were to destroy the roses he worked so hard to plant and tend to. The Queen’s favorite flowers though are actually jasmine. She smells like them too, which surprises most people since they think it would be apples but it’s not. It’s jasmine and sandalwood; she prefers to smell like the moonlight grove or so she says. But I’m getting off track again. I’m sorry my mind tends to wander when I begin to write about my Queen.

I made it to the groves and grabbed a simple wooden basket and began to fill it with the fallen fruits of the trees. I loved running amongst the trees, jumping for the limbs trying to climb them. I couldn’t wait until I was tall enough to grab the branches and swing myself up into them. Back then I was small for my age. I took a running jump, my fingertips barely brushing the lowest limb of the tree before I fell back to the soft earth. I sighed as I looked up at the sky, filled with white fluffy clouds. Strange how even now I can remember these little moments like those but I could. Perhaps it was because it was the first time I ever saw…her…

I heard the clanging of armor as it moved towards the groves. I sat up, watching with a furrowed brow as the guards approached. I wondered if I was in trouble for trying to climb the trees. I hid behind the large apple tree I had tried to climb only moments before. The guards parted revealing the slender beautiful figure of my Queen to my eyes for the first time. At the time though, I only thought she was the prettiest lady I’d ever laid eyes on. She was wearing a crimson crushed velvet gown. It clung to her like a second skin, showing off her slight curves. Her dark hair was piled on top of her head, revealing her long elegant neck to the world. My lips parted as the guards stopped. It was then that I noticed a young boy was being pulled behind her.

“I don’t tolerate stealing boy.” The beautiful lady spoke. Her voice was low and I found myself liking it immediately. It was a bit like a warm bath after a long day; soothing on all the sore surfaces of the body.

The boy, who I didn’t recognize, tried to pull his hands away but the guards held him slightly up stopping his pathetic attempts.

The boy was only a few years older than I. He spat at the pretty woman and I gasped. How could he think that was right? I wanted to run out from my hiding spot and hit him until he apologized to her. She was too pretty to be spat at like that.

She took a breath as though gathering herself before she spoke again. “You know the penalty for trying to steal from me and yet you chose to do it anyway. You will pay for what you took.” The lady gave a nod watching as the guards moved rather swiftly.

The large table that I sometimes used to reach the fruits that were still up on the tree but ripe enough to come down was brought over and suddenly the boy’s arm was bound to the surface as though by magic. I had never seen magic performed at that time but now it’s a part of my everyday life. Another guard unsheathed his sword. I was unable to look away as the boy flinched and the blade came down.

A loud scream echoed throughout the grove and I winced. I couldn’t believe someone so lovely could be so cruel. Looking back on it I can clearly remember Elizabeth’s words to me, even the prettiest flower can have the nastiest thorns. Watching the dark woman before me I knew those words rang true with her.

“Get him out of here. See to it a healer tends to him and send him back to the village.” She commanded.

The guards left dragging the semi-conscious boy with them. It was then that I noticed the woman’s shoulders sag ever so slightly as though she bore a great weight. But back then I couldn’t understand what I was seeing. I only knew that she was scary and yet beautiful, much like the roses in the garden. She began to make her way amongst the trees in the grove, stopping to speak to each one as though she knew them intimately. This was the woman I wanted to know; the one that spoke to the trees here as though they were able to converse back with her. Not the cruel woman who had just callously ordered a boy to be mangled in such a fashion.

I watched her from behind my tree still not comprehending what I had seen. Apart of me was sick at the sight that I had just witnessed. Another wanted to know how this gentle woman could appear so hard and cold. And yet another wondered just why I was so taken with her. It was a strange combination of things that sent me running from my hiding spot when she was farthest away and back towards the kitchen without my apples. I got a nice beating from Elizabeth for that since she needed me to start coring the apples immediately so dinner would be ready in time for the Queen. It was then that it hit me. I had just witnessed the dark queen in all of her glory. She really was the woman of legends though at the time I didn’t realize that. I only saw her as a rose; something so beautiful and yet able to prick even the most careful of gardeners.

My Queen is much like the rocky shoreline I later saw in my youth. I realize that now. She is the shore and I’m the waves, breaking myself upon her again and again. It’s a pattern we fall into even today. My Queen is unyielding and I, in my devotion to her, willingly allow her whatever her heart desires as long as she is happy. In her happiness, I find my own. The marks of a true pet they say. I suppose I do wear my title rather proudly given how often I’m reminded of who I belong to. Even by the Queen herself. It wasn’t until rather recently that I grew content with that title. Back then I refused to acknowledge that my wings had been clipped and I was being held in a cage just like the others that came to be here. But that I wouldn’t learn until I was older. That is yet another tale I’m sure we’ll come too shortly.


	2. Chapter 2

Having read the first entry in my diary I’m sure you don’t want to go any further Graham. You and I are both two sides of the same coin though. You once told me that. I don’t know that I believe that but you seem to so I’ll let it continue. Now that you’ve read my first memory I think you realize what you’ve known all along. The Queen isn’t the monster every wants to make her out to be but she is vicious when crossed. I’ve learned that lesson on more than one occasion. Since this is the supposed to be the story of my life though I suppose I can continue with my next memory. Strange how all my memories seem to involve the Queen but they do.

* * *

 

I was six winters old at that point. My hair had gotten longer and darker something that Elizabeth often frowned at. I wasn’t sure what the problem was with my hair being dark but she said I shouldn’t have brown hair, I should have blonde. I was blonde as a small child after all and it should stay that way she said. I didn’t understand it at the time. All I knew was that she was unhappy yet again with my appearance. I’d stopped going to the groves due to the winter’s snow which fell heavy and thick in this part of the Kingdom but that didn’t stop me from running out the door at the first opportunity despite her cries for me to stop.

I made it out into the deepest snow near the edge of the gardens sloping down towards the apple groves. I frowned as I plopped myself down on the frozen stone bench overlooking the groves. That’s when I saw her. Or rather the Queen; she was dressed in her finery. A deep blue riding jacket and black leather pants; her boots were up to the thigh. The snow continued to fall as clearly she and the horse she was riding had been out here a while. The horse’s breath formed puffs of white as the Queen maneuvered him with nothing but her thighs through sharp twists and turns. She wove him in between the trees, running him as though they were one in the same. The snow continued to fall heavy but the Queen and the horse continued their ride.

I couldn’t tear my eyes away. She was so beautiful and the smile that turned up her full ruby red lips was incredible. It was like the sun breaking through the dark clouds. I think that was the moment I truly began to fall in love with the Queen. These private moments that only she and I shared even if they were unintentional on her part.

My cheeks grew bright red from the cold and my fingers and toes started to go numb but still I remained in my spot unable to tear my eyes away from her regal figure. Suddenly the horse stopped and the Queen’s brown eyes met mine. My eyes widened comically and I jumped off the bench. I barely remembered to curtsy before I was running back inside. Those eyes that I had imagined were so joyful in that moment were just dead. Her eyes were completely devoid of any kind emotion at all. How I had fancied I had seen otherwise was beyond me. They were like two pieces of obsidian; cold and barren as the sky around her. I was scared of her in that moment, the first time I’d truly ever been scared. Even when I was four and I’d witnessed her commanding a boy to be mangled for a crime against her; I had not truly been afraid.

I never looked back to see if the Queen’s eyes were on me still. I didn’t need to. The next day the Queen’s hand maid came down to the kitchens. Jane was a pretty girl with wavy blonde curls and bright blue eyes. She also had a pretty smile. I wanted to look like her when I grew up or so I’d always thought. Funny how that sort of thing works isn’t it?

“She asked me to tell Emma that she’s to deliver her breakfast to her rooms from now on,” Jane offered to Elizabeth, who was chopping vegetables rather viciously. She looked rather upset at the news and I swallowed wondering just what the Queen had in mind for me since I’d been spying on her like I did.  I couldn’t help but think I would be punished in much the fashion the boy that had stolen had. Had I not stolen from her as well by looking upon her in her private time?

I took the tray, laden with various foods and headed upstairs at Jane’s behest. I glanced back over my shoulder noting the frown on Elizabeth’s face before I disappeared around the corner, following Jane’s straight backed figure.

She held out her hands a few steps away. “Give me the tray Emma. You can carry it into her chambers but your hands are shaking and you’ll likely drop it long before we get there. She mustn’t be kept waiting, you’d do well to remember that. Wherever you may be, do not make her wait if she summons you.”

I looked up at Jane with big eyes and nodded, even today I can still hear her words echoing in my mind. I’ve learned that lesson well during the time I’ve spent with the Queen but back then I was just a child and I was scared witless at the thought of displeasing the dark woman any more than I already had. My teeth chattered slightly in my head, a nervous habit I am still trying to break eve today. It’s not something I can truly help, when I get really scared my body shakes and my teeth chatter. Jane shot me a displeased look but I ignored it. I only hoped I could make it stop by the time we reached the Queen’s chambers. My stomach was tying itself in fine knots with every step our soled shoes beat out on the stone floors of the palace. I’d never been up to these floors, not many people had.

The halls grew darker, starker contrasts of white and black mixing in but nothing overly cheerful. Beautiful vases and statues lined the walls occasionally interspersed by a painting here and there all done, in dark colors. There was no light in these parts of the castle that holds true even today. The Queen isn’t overly fond of anything light though she once told me she likes the color sea foam green when I wear it. She says it brings out my eyes which she likes.

But today I wasn’t wearing sea foam green and even if I was I was sure the Queen would’ve hated it given Jane’s dark dress and my own grey colored shift. When we got to the door, Jane handed me the tray and pushed the door open. She gave me a gentle nudge with her foot, sending me inside to face the wolves by myself. The door shut behind me and I looked back over my shoulder, swallowing reflexively, before I forced myself to look back towards the room I’d just been pushed into. It was as dark as the rest of the rooms seemed to be in this part of the castle. Dark and foreboding, a large lit fireplace dominated one corner of the room. The logs crackled almost too happily for this room and sent a strange orange glow over everything in the room giving it an even more eerie feeling. I’ve spent much of my time in these chambers now so I know where everything is but back then I was so scared I had no idea what to do. I took a step forward and almost tripped over the bear skin rug thrown on the floor. Its mouth was open showing off its sharp teeth. I gasped, almost jumping before I remembered the tray in my hands and Jane’s words about the Queen. I turned looking for some sort of flat surface to put the load I bore on.

Finally I saw a small round table near a white chaise lounge. A pretty simple black vase was filled with purple jasmine flowers. Such a strange thing to see in a room like this, I thought to myself but I walked towards the surface, the fine bone china rattling on the tray before I was able to climb up on the chaise and slowly slide the tray onto the table. I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of the flowers, there was something comforting about that small spot of color in this dark colorless room.

“Did no one ever teach you manners you little brat?” A voice boomed and I gasped jumping off the chaise, I skinned my knee upon hitting the stone floor but I didn’t pay it any attention. I knew the Queen would be angry with me for spying on her earlier and now I was going to get a beating for my previous behavior.

I twisted and turned looking in the shadows and trying to see anyone standing there when my eyes fell on a mirror. It was a beautiful ornate gold piece that seemed so different from the others I had seen in the palace. I had no idea at the time how much my Queen favored mirrors but I can say you’d be surprised how often they turn up in her palace. Not many people remember her affinity for the shiny surface and sometimes they say things they wouldn’t want her to hear right in front of them. Funny how that usually works, they lose their tongues for such words…sometimes even a head.

“I…I’m sorry…your majesty…I…couldn’t…I…” I stammered out, shaking with fright.

A face appeared in the mirror and my eyes got even wider. The face was drawn at the cheeks with a strange pointed beard. The face frowned down at me and parted its lips as though about to speak before the low voice of the Queen spoke.

“That’s enough mirror.” I gasped, twisting once again only to fall back on my back. I scrambled away as the Queen stepped from the shadows. She wasn’t wearing any of her courtly gowns. Instead, her long hair flowed down her back in thick waves still obviously damp from the bath she must’ve taken. One long fingered hand clutched the opening of the sheer black robe closed at her chest but water spots revealed quite a bit of the Queen’s beauty to not only my eyes but that of the mirror.

The Queen’s bare feet didn’t make a sound as she padded towards me. My jaw worked as my bottom lip trembled. I wanted to apologize to her but I was afraid of what she would say. As though she read my mind she sat down upon the chaise lounge, her beautiful brown eyes taking me in. The firelight danced random patterns across her warm skin. She was beautiful at a distance but up close she was absolutely stunning. No wonder she was called the fairest of them all. I swallowed watching as she lifted the silver goblet to her ruby lips and took a sip.

“You may apologize if you wish child.” She said softly.

I forced myself to sit up and push myself to my feet. I looked at the mirror who was watching her with a strange attentiveness and then back at the Queen herself and even in something as simple as a bathrobe with her hair down, she was still every inch the dark Queen of legends. Despite the wince that crossed my face from bending my skinned knee I managed to dip into a deep albeit clumsy curtsy before her.

“I…I’m sorry…your majesty….I didn’t mean to…spy on you.” I managed to stutter out.

“Do you fear me child? Is that why you stutter?” The queen’s low musical voice washed over me. It was soothing but I knew what she was capable of and I also knew that I would have the same done to me if I lied to her. I’d heard tales of how she had servants flayed to the bone for daring to lie to her.

“Yes, your majesty.” I couldn’t keep my body from shaking in her presence.

“Why? Have I done something to harm you?” The Queen set a half nibbled apple slice down on the china as though her discussion with me was more important.

“No, your grace but…I know…I was wrong…and I’ve heard stories…” I managed, tears threatening to spill down my cheeks.

“I knew you were there, the entire time. If I was displeased by your presence I would’ve sent you away,” The Queen offered, taking another sip from the goblet before setting it aside as well. “Still though it is wrong to spy on someone and I think you know that.”

I whimpered and nodded the tears that had been threatening spilling down my cheeks now. The Queen leaned forward slightly exposing the tops of her small pert breasts to my eyes. She showed a shocking amount of tenderness and lifted my chin so that I was looking in her dead eyes that reflected the light of the fireplace. She remained silent as though searching my eyes for something before she lifted her hand cupping my cheek. Her thumb pressed into the tender skin as though testing whether it would give or not. It hurt but I ignored it, curious as to what the Queen would do. Finally her hand slid away and I immediately missed its warmth. What a strange contrast that one so cold could feel so warm. I tried to lean into the touch almost over balancing myself in my need to have her hand on my skin once again. I had never felt anything like that before then even now it’s a mystery to me how much I crave the Queen’s touch.

“I think you’ve learned your lesson child. Now go about your day and tell Jane that you are to bring my breakfast to me from now on.”

I blinked and bit my lip, not moving a single inch.

“That’s enough child. You’re dismissed,” The Queen seemed to grow agitated that I hadn’t taken her verbal cue to leave her in peace.

I jumped to my feet and ran for the door before remembering. I turned back and dipped into another clumsy curtsy before pulling open the door and running out into the hallway.

To this day I’ve never forgotten my first encounter with the Queen. Even now it haunts my thoughts to know that even at such a tender age, I craved her like I craved air. A glance from her dead eyes, a touch, her voice washing over my senses, anything. It was like a drug; I had to have it. I knew even back then that I had been made for her even though I didn’t want to admit it until recently. Stubbornness must run in my family somewhere. I don’t know where else I would’ve gotten such a tendency from since the Queen was careful to breed that out of me as quickly as she could. Though I think when I choose to stand my ground it amuses her to some extent. Her eyes always gain a little bit of light when I do so but I never really noticed that about her until recently.

There were a lot of things I missed about her that I wished I had understood back then. Perhaps it would’ve made my life a bit easier had I understood her the way I do now. She’s not the only one responsible for making me into what I am. That came by the hands of others as well as myself and her own careful training. She wanted someone that belonged completely to her; someone that no one could take from her and she got it. I gave it to her willingly and if I had to do it all over again…I’d still do the same thing. For I belong heart, body, and soul to the Dark Queen herself. And now I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it.

 


	3. Chapter 3

I was ten winters old when things began to change and unfold in differing patterns than what I had previously seen though admittedly I was but a child and I didn’t know much of how things were going to play out. Those around me certainly did though. My hair was growing longer and thicker by the season it seemed. It was a dark chestnut color, mixed with traces of cinnamon according to the stable girl, Anne. She was sweet I suppose. A few years older than me with eyes the color of the sea and hair black as night. She reminded me a bit of the Queen which I suppose is why I tolerated her strange comments to me.

“You’ve got such lovely hair Emma,” She’d say. I was confused by her attention as she’d often unbraid my hair and tug at the strands looping them around her rough fingers.

“Why do you always say that?” I asked with a slight pout. “You’re the only one who thinks that anyways.”

“Why is that? It’s very pretty.”

“The Queen hates it.” I pulled my knees to my chest. We were sitting in the hayloft avoiding our chores while a small summer storm raged on outside.

Anne cocked her head with an arched brow. “Why do you care what the Queen thinks?”

“Because she’s the queen,” I answered dully as I rested my chin on my knees.

“So, what does that have to do with you having pretty hair?”

“Elizabeth says it makes her unhappy and I don’t want her to be unhappy with me.”

“Why does it matter?” Anne’s brow furrowed. Her skin, which was always a warm caramel, reminded me of the Queen’s as she wrapped her arms around me pulling me close. She was always doing things like this I’d noticed but I didn’t think anything of it at the time.

“It matters to me,” I snipped, growing agitated. She was always asking me why I was so concerned about what the Queen thought and I always gave her the same answer. Why did she have to keep questioning me?

“Em you’re cute when you’re angry.”

“I am not!” I huffed.

Anne smiled at me. “Hush, you are. I think it’s odd that you’re so concerned about the Queen but if it makes you happy then so be it. Just don’t let her views shape your world.”

“Isn’t that the point of living here in the castle? That the Queen is above us all?” I cocked my head. I’d never met someone that told me differently. Everyone always said the Queen was above them and that was that. Why did Anne think she was equal to the Queen? I didn’t understand it and I knew that sort of attitude would be punished should the Queen ever find out.

“Why is everything about the Queen to you? Do you have any thoughts of your own outside of her?” Anne suddenly snapped, pushing me away.

I twisted, looking over my shoulder at her as she jumped to her feet and began to pace. “What’s wrong with wanting to please the Queen?” I asked, feeling dumb that I couldn’t figure out what she was so upset about.

“Because she’s all you think about. It’s always the Queen says this or the Queen did this. What about everyone else Emma? What about me?”

My mouth opened and closed much like a fish. Beyond the open window of the hayloft we were sitting in the storm raged on outside. A bolt of thunder seemed to awaken Anne from her reverie as she made a strange noise in her throat and moved towards the ladder obviously intending to leave me in the loft by myself.

“Anne, wait!” I called as I finally found my voice and jumped to my feet stopping the slightly older girl from leaving. “I don’t understand what you want me to say.” I added as I caught her forearm.

She turned back towards me, blue eyes strangely watery. “Nothing Emma; I don’t want you to say anything.”

“Then why are you crying?”

“Because I’m hurt and I don’t want to be.”

“Why are you hurt?”

“Emma, are you serious?”

“I don’t understand, but I want to. Just please explain it to me.” I was desperate to keep my friend. Anne was the only one aside from the Queen who ever put their hands on me in any fashion. Elizabeth never hugged or kissed me and I certainly couldn’t expect Jane to do that.

“I like you Emma.”

“I like you too.” I replied with a furrowed brow.

“No, Emma I mean I _like_ you.” She put obvious emphasis on the like.

“You mean like John and Isabelle?” My brow furrowed. They were the only couple I could think of in the castle. I’d never seen any other.

“Yes, like John and Isabelle.” Anne pouted as I stared dumbly at her.

“How is that going to work?” I asked, cocking my head.

Anne shook her head, “Never mind then Emma.”

“But Anne,”

“I said never mind.”

As she turned away from me I tugged her back towards me. I took a breath and leaned up pressing my lips roughly to hers. It was my first real kiss and honestly the first I can ever remember receiving let alone giving. Her lips were chapped and a bit cold. I’d always hoped my first kiss would be something more memorable honestly. I think I always held on to the belief that my first kiss would be from the Queen not her stable girl but it was nice. Not as nice as I thought it would be to kiss my Queen but still nice in its own way. It was innocent and sweet, not full of intrigue and probing like the later kisses I shared with the Queen.

When I pulled away, Anne offered me a small smile, which I returned.

“Can we do that again?” She asked, sounding a bit breathless.

I smiled and nodded, “Of course.”

She leaned forward pressing her lips to mine again. This one was a bit softer than the one I had previously forced on her. She slipped her arms around me holding me close and I sighed resting my head on her shoulder after we pulled apart. It wasn’t as nice as I thought it would feel though. I’d never been held before that point well perhaps I had but I was so small I couldn’t remember. I’m sure as a baby I was held, everyone loves babies after all.   But from any time that I could remember no one had ever put their arms around me. I was always held a bit aloft for whatever reason.

The rain poured down in torrential sheets and I shivered. Anne pulled me closer and I tried not to feel guilty. I couldn’t help it really. I liked her sure but I liked the Queen better. Was that wrong? Should I feel as bad as I felt? We waited out the rain, mostly quiet. Anne would occasionally lean over and kiss my lips again which I allowed with a heavy heart. When it finally let up I climbed out of her arms.

“Where are you going?”

“I have to get back to the kitchens or Elizabeth will be angry.”

“Will I get to see you again?”

My brow furrowed, “Of course you will.”

Anne stood up, pulling me back into her arms. I stared at her waiting as she leaned forward and kissed me again. This time she deepened the kiss. It was strange but I parted my lips when she encouraged me to. I pulled away staring at her as she slid her tongue in my mouth. “Why are you doing that?” I asked, completely confused.

“I thought you’d like it.” Anne’s brow was furrowed.

I frowned, “Well I don’t. So don’t do it again.”

“I’m sorry Em. I didn’t…”

“It’s okay,” I cut her off with a wave of my hand. “I’ve got to go though; Elizabeth will skin me if I waste any more time.” I shot past her down the rickety ladder and out into the slowly clearing rain. I was still soaked by the time I made it back to the kitchens.

“Emma, where have you been?” Elizabeth asked; using her forearms on the dough she was currently beating.

I squeezed water out of my long hair. It must’ve been because I looked like a drowned rat that she took pity on me.

“Go and get out of those wet clothes. Once I get done with this we’ve got to get you ready.”

“Ready for what?” I asked cocking my head as I stared at her. My shoes squelched as I took a few steps towards her.

“Don’t question your elders child. Go and get those wet clothes off and I’ll be there shortly.”

We dyed my hair that night. Elizabeth said it would look better this way and after I received a harsh slap for saying I didn’t like it I was tempted to run to Anne. But then something wonderful happened the next morning. I took the Queen her breakfast just like normal.

When I pushed open the door to her inner rooms, I found her lounging on her chaise lounge in a sheer black robe. She was beautiful especially since her hair was down and she wasn’t wearing all the harsh makeup I sometimes saw her wear. I hated all that stuff that marred her face. She was beautiful without any of it on. The sun was shining out the window; the large fireplace wasn’t lit since it was warm this day.

“Good morning my Queen,” I greeted unable to keep the bright smile off my face.

She didn’t look up immediately and my smile started to fade. Had I done something wrong? Did she know I had kissed Anne and she was upset about it? But then her eyes turned up from the small black leather bound book in her hands and she sat up. Her long toned leg was almost completely exposed through the slit of her robe. I swallowed reflexively and forced my eyes away from her skin to the rest of her. I watched attentively as she reached forward tugging almost playfully on one of my now blonde curls.

“Well, well look at you.”

I blushed, suddenly, feeling completely bashful. I toed the carpet surrounding the chaise lounge as she offered me a small smile.

Unable to help myself I asked, “do you like it your majesty?”

“I do.” She answered immediately and I looked up. I felt like my cheeks were going to fall off, I smiled so big. Knowing she liked my hair when I had been so unsure about it made all those feelings wash away. If her majesty liked it then it was good. She slid back slightly on the chaise lounge and motioned me towards her. It was the first time I could ever remember her allowing me this close to her. My eyes widened comically as she laughed.

“Don’t look so surprised child.”

But I was and I couldn’t help but let it show. Everyone knew how aloof the Queen was for her to let me close, to want me there was something new and important. Suddenly all the kisses I’d shared with Anne seemed so far away as I climbed unsteadily onto the chaise lounge. I looked at her as she slowly slid her arm around me and pulled me against her body. I couldn’t help it as I pushed back against her, wanting to melt into her. She was still so warm and soft such a contradiction but something I craved so badly. Her hand lifted and began to run through my hair before slipping back around my waist holding me close.

I turned over until I was facing her and she offered me a small smile. I couldn’t help the way I grinned back at her, my cheeks flushed with exertion and something else I couldn’t identify. She pressed a tender kiss to my forehead and I reached up unable to help myself as I slowly wove my fingers through her thick black hair. It was like silk, so soft and shiny. She allowed the touch for a moment before gently pushing my hand away.

“You should ask permission before you touch me child.” She scolded me softly.

I frowned and nodded, “I’m sorry your grace,” I apologized. “May I touch your hair?” I asked after a moment of silence.

She smiled, indulgently before nodding. I smiled and reached up then threading my fingers back into her hair hungrily. I twisted it around my fingers in curls before releasing them watching as the sunlight hit her hair giving it glossy hues. It was then that I noticed it. There were cinnamon highlights in her hair too. I liked them better in hers, I decided immediately.

“You have beautiful hair, your grace.”

“Thank you child and now so do you.”

I blushed again. I couldn’t wipe the smile from my lips as I trailed my fingers from her hair and down to her arm. “May I touch you here as well your majesty?”

“So greedy child, has no one told you that it’s quite the sin to want what we cannot have.”

I frowned, wondering what she meant by that but then shrugged looking away as I lifted my hand from her sheer robe.

“I’m sorry your majesty. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“You didn’t offend me little one but it’s best for you to learn your place and I’m far too indulgent with you.”

I wanted to cry at that moment. I felt my bottom lip begin to wobble as I twisted so that I was facing away from her. I didn’t want her to see me cry; I didn’t want her to think I was a baby. Tears slowly began to fall down my cheeks as I felt her arms slide around me.

“Why are you crying child?” She cooed, as though it actually mattered.

“I…I…don’t…know…I…I’m…just…sad your majesty.” I managed to get out.

“Why are you sad?” She asked.

“Everyone tells me to know my place but…I don’t know what that is.”

The Queen hummed softly as though she understood exactly what was happening. “You’ll learn in time Emma.” It was the first time I’d ever heard her speak my name. I loved it immediately.

“Will you say it again your grace?”

“What?”

“My name;” I paused, “please your grace?” I added.

She leaned forward; I felt her warmth pressed against the rough cloth of my dress as she breathed in my ear. “Emma,” She whispered, breathily.

I shivered and sighed happily. My emotions always swung to and fro like a pendulum in her presence. That would continue on until even this day as I write this.

“Again?” I begged.

I felt her smile beside my ear. “Emma,” She breathed.

And I couldn’t help the smile that broke out across my face. She was saying my name, my Queen.

“What’s your name?” I asked suddenly. It occurred to me that I didn’t even know it. She was always simply the Queen.

She remained silent for a moment and I realized my mistake.

“I’m sorry, “I cringed. “What is your name your majesty?”

“Do you really not know my name child?”

I shook my head, “No, your grace.”

She remained silent for another moment, long enough for me to contemplate withdrawing my question all together. “Regina,” She finally replied.

“Queen Regina,” I murmured, “It’s so pretty.”

“Thank you Emma.”

“You’re beautiful your majesty…Queen Regina.” I added, feeling another blush light up my cheeks.

“So are you little Emma.”

And for the first time I truly believed I was beautiful because she had told me I was.


	4. Chapter 4

I’m sure you’re wondering what happened to Anne. Well to be honest I don’t know myself. I never saw her again after that first time we kissed. I asked about her once or twice but everyone said she had run away in the night. I don’t think they noticed that I saw the grim looks they’d exchange when they thought I wasn’t looking. Even now I don’t know what happened or where she went. I can only assume she’d dead. That seemed to be the implications of their looks. I’ve never actually asked the Queen about her. I suppose I should given what I now know; that it was likely her doing that Anne disappeared. I cannot, however, accuse my queen of something I don’t know she was responsible for. I can only hold my suspicions to myself and hope that I’m incorrect. I know in my heart though that I’m right and the Queen was responsible for my first kiss’ disappearing. I won’t blame her nor ask her as I’ve said previously I know how possessive she is of what is hers.

I continued to serve the Queen as was my charge. What else could I do really? Though I was pleased to see that every day I served the Queen her breakfast, I learned something new about her.  When she was agitated she paced and twisted her hands; when she was content with something she would settle her compact body along the chaise lounge and allow me to stare at her long lean legs; when she was angry about something she was silent as the grave and she’d stare with a slight curl of her lip out the open sides of the castle. I never saw her truly happy but that was all right. I was content just being near her. When she was in a good mood she’d talk to me too. I loved talking to her; her voice was so musical and low. I could listen to it for hours and still never figure out all the timbers of it.

 

I was twelve winters old the first time I met you Graham. I can still remember that day vividly. I was just beginning to grow into my body. I was gangly in appearance, all knobby knees and elbows Elizabeth said. She once compared me to a new foal just learning its legs. I hated that comparison. I didn’t want to be a gangly child, I wanted to be grown. I wanted to be beautiful like Queen Regina. But with my budding body and awkward, clumsy way it was difficult to see me becoming anything more than a little waif.

Elizabeth had already begun to pull away from me during this time. In fact I really noticed that everyone didn’t want much to do with me right after Anne’s disappearance. I was so lonely that my only solace came from being near the Queen. I think she knew that too. When she was in a good mood she would usually give me a kiss on the cheek or forehead. She would talk to me too; read to me. Is it such a wonder really that I love her as I do? She’s the only one that actually showed me any affection at all. I suppose that could be seen as partially her fault too. She after all made sure everyone knew I belonged to her and was for her solely. But those are solely my own musings and I still have no idea what she’s truly thinking. 

That day though was just like any other for me. I woke up and slipped into my dress which was beginning to fit me strangely as my body grew in ways I never imagined would happen. It pulled tight across my budding chest. I still had no idea what was in store for me when I got to the Queen’s rooms but I hoped she would be as good to me as she usually was when she was in a good mood.

I took the Queen’s tray upstairs just like I always did. I made my way along the hallways no longer finding them as intimidating as I once had. I passed the Queen’s guards but they barely gave me a glance. They were as used to my presence in the mornings as I was theirs. I carefully set the tray down beside my feet as I went to push the Queen’s outer door open. I was always told to enter the outer door and knock on the inner. Queen Regina was particular about her privacy but she had grown indulgent with me. Especially with my hair blonde; when I had darker hair she usually frowned when she thought I wasn’t looking but with my blonde hair she was more than willing to be allow me  closer. I liked when she was generous with me. It meant I got to spend time with her before she sent me away to begin her day.

I lifted the tray once more careful not to rattle the fine china too much before I tapped my fist against the heavy oak outer door. Her voice didn’t immediately echo and I frowned, unable to keep the pout from my face. Where was she? I wanted to see my Queen. It was the best way to start the morning. Even if she was in a bad mood I still liked getting to see her. The hardest days were when she told me not to deliver her breakfast the next day. I would grow lethargic and didn’t want to do anything. Elizabeth would be so angry with me on those days but I didn’t care. I only wanted to see my Queen was that so much to ask?

Finally her soft low voice echoed a “Come in,” and with a bright smile I pushed open the door.

“Good morning your grace,” I chirped happily, my eyes on the tray I was carefully carrying. I set it down on the small table by the chaise lounge and turned only to find myself confronted with a sight I’d never seen before.

I was glad my hands were free as I felt slightly faint. I knew I would’ve dropped the tray if it had been in my hands. The Queen was standing in front of me in her usual regal gown, this one of the deepest emerald. I’d never seen her wear anything that wasn’t a dark color and this was no exception. She also always wore something black with her various shots of color. Her black boots were up to her thigh much like her riding boots but these stopped just over her knee and were very shiny like they hadn’t been worn that often. The leather creaked whenever her regal figure shifted her weight from one foot to the next. Her long hair which I was so used to seeing down or very loosely braided was put up on top of her head in various thick tight curls. They were pinned to her head forming a bun of sorts. She was always so beautiful and today was no exception. She stepped away from her victim that I only now realized was hanging by his wrists in the same fashion the boy in the groves had been when I was but a child.

There were no bindings holding him in some strange crucifixion pose. I felt sick at the sight of the various bleeding cuts and marks on his body. With his head lowered I was unable to see his face but judging from the low sounds he was making I knew he must be in incredible amounts of pain. A loincloth was the only thing covering him from prying eyes and I had the feeling had I not been standing in the room that would’ve been gone as well. His feet twisted as he rolled his wrists ever so slightly as though the invisible grip of the queen didn’t hold him tightly in place. I could clearly make out the red marks lining the surprisingly delicate looking flesh. He must’ve been hanging there for a while and judging by the drying drops of blood against the angry looking swelling red marks this had to have taken place over a long period of time. Perhaps all during the previous night; the thought for some unknown reason made me sick for an even bigger reason than seeing the aftermath of torture.

I was vaguely aware that the Queen had access to powerful magicks. Of course most people were vaguely aware of her power and so were rightfully afraid of her. Having only seen it used myself once and being so young I hadn’t quite believed what she was capable of until that moment. It was then that I realized just how far over my head I was in with this woman. I watched; horrified as she lifted her finger tracing a line that suddenly appeared like she’d taken a whip in place of the finger to the man’s already wounded chest.  He screamed as she moved back once again cocking her head as though studying her handiwork before she turned to look at me. Her dead eyes studied my horrified face before a smile broke out across it.

“Is it time for breakfast all ready?” She asked and I stared at her with wide eyes and trembling lips.

She stepped away from her victim leaving him there bleeding and whimpering in pain before she settled down on the familiar chaise lounge I had begun to think of as our special place.

“Why do you stare at what’s not yours child?” She asked lifting the china cup to her lips and taking a small sip.

I immediately averted my eyes, trying to keep my tears at bay. How could I not cry for the poor man strung up like a pig for slaughter?

“You shouldn’t cry over him. He’s getting what he deserves after all.” The Queen cut her eyes away from me to her victim and then back at me.

It was the first time in a long time that I just wanted to run from her. The urge was there, my feet would carry me I was sure but I was so afraid I was glued to the spot. Surely she would do the same to me if I were to run from her. I’d be hung up just like that only my feet wouldn’t touch the floor. All my weight would be in my wrists. The thought scared me more than I’d ever admit back then but now I can associate it with times I’ve felt true terror like that and I know it’s no laughing matter.

“Why are you looking at me like that? I thought I was your favorite person.” The Queen gave a small mock pout and I whimpered unable to stop myself. I couldn’t believe it; she was mocking me. She’d never outwardly been this cruel to me. What had I done to deserve it? Was it because of him?

I looked back at him and then back at the Queen. I forced myself to take a step towards her and when she made no move to stop me I clambered up into her lap. She set the tea cup down with barely a tap of the china and slipped her arms around me. She showed a shocking amount of kindness by leaning forward and pressing her lips to my forehead. I couldn’t help myself as I leaned into her, seeking comfort from the one that distressed me so. But she was warm and soft just like always and I couldn’t help myself as I nuzzled closer to her.

“You see Graham if you behaved as well as little Emma here you’d be getting a reward too but you don’t.” I could hear the Queen’s frown and I whimpered again worried that I was going to be on the brunt end of her ire despite her gentleness towards me.

“Hush now,” The Queen smiled and pressed another kiss to my forehead. “I won’t hurt you Emma.”

“Promise?” I managed to get out despite my trembles.

She only offered me a saccharine smile and cuddled me close resting her chin on the crown of my head. I didn’t feel the least bit comforted by it. I heard another whimper followed by a soft growl. I cocked my head looking up at the Queen who was wearing an amused smirk on her pretty face. I was tempted to ask who had made the noise when it occurred to me. I had of course heard tale of the Queen’s so called “wolf man”. He was said to be as wild as the forests surrounding the castle and everyone knew what creatures lurked in the shadows of the tall trees beyond the castle’s borders. I never thought at that time that I would get to meet him. Looking back on it I couldn’t believe I had ever thought of you that way, Graham. I know you to be a kind and true friend but not at all unlike the wolf they compared you to, wild and protective. 

I looked up at the Queen as she pulled away studying the man before me. She gently set me on the ground, giving me a third kiss. “Run along Emma.”

I opened my mouth before I glanced over at the hurt man and then looked back at my Queen. She leaned forward, the taffeta of her gown making a soft swishing sound as she pressed another kiss to my cheek. I offered her a curtsy before I forced myself to run out the door. I was still after all quite frightened of what I’d just seen.

I hate the way I behaved back then towards you. Despite my fear, I was angry at you. You were receiving the Queen’s attention in ways I wanted to even if it was bad attention. She was still showing an interest in you she hadn’t taken in me. But my emotions have always been a tangled mess when it comes to my Queen. I was frightened of her power, I was angry at her for showing you attention even if it was negative, I was upset and hurt that I had been sent away as though I didn’t matter. Even then I was a little fool. You always told me that. I was always such a fool when it came to her. Always seeing what wasn’t there but you don’t know her like I do Graham. You don’t see how kind she is to me when she thinks no one is looking. She says I was made for her and truthfully I believe I am. Back then I would’ve agreed with that. In my mind I was always meant to be hers but as I grew, things became distorted, strained and I rebelled against her in ways I never imagined I was even capable of. Through it all my Queen remained as unshakable as ever and continued to quell my little rebellions as they cropped up.

Truthfully I don’t know that I would’ve had the patience for it if our roles were reversed but I’m glad she did if not I don’t know who I would be today. So much of me is wrapped up in her after all. If I’m honest all of who I am is because of her. All of me belongs solely, firmly to her.


	5. Chapter 5

The winter I turned sixteen, things began to shift and change even more dramatically. At that point having suffered through the isolation and loneliness of having no one that showed me any sort of affection but the Queen, I was totally dependent upon her. In my opinion, the moon hung with her. I was so desperate for any sort of approval from her. A small kiss, a gentle touch, a smile; anything would’ve done. I had to have it like I had to have air. I was desperate to be close to her and devastated when I wasn’t allowed to be.

My life up until that point had never truly been my own. My own mother figure usually made decisions that affected me without my consent. My Queen had seemingly prevented everyone from having any sort of affectionate relationship with me. I didn’t understand any of it until that point in my life. I had grown into a pretty girl; everyone told me I was, anyways, though I didn’t believe them. The only one I did believe was the Queen and she rarely commented on my beauty up until that point. So you can imagine my surprise when my birthday, which always fell in the early part of the winter months, came along and I was granted a reprieve from all my work.

“What do you mean I’m not to work today?” I asked, staring at Elizabeth as she set down the iron skillet she was using to cook the morning breakfast.

“You heard me girl,” She never called me by name anymore.

“But what about the Queen’s breakfast? I’m usually the one that delivers it.” I pointed out, desperate to be with the one person that showed me affection.

“She said you weren’t to bring it.” Elizabeth shrugged a strong shoulder.

I couldn’t wipe the hurt from my face. How was I to function without seeing my sun for the day? My shoulders hunched as I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes.

“Who is bringing it to her then?” I couldn’t help but whimper out. I noticed the way Elizabeth rolled her eyes and shrugged.

“She didn’t say.”

“Emma?” Jane spoke my name as I turned to look at her. She had grown prettier as the years wore on but serving the Queen had taken a toll on her as well. Small frown lines appeared at the corners’ of her eyes and lips when she was quiet. Her long blonde hair, once luscious and soft looking, was now lank and limp. It hung like straw around her face. I never understood why she looked so haggard. Surely the Queen wasn’t that harsh with her?

“What’s wrong Jane?” I asked dully, unable to keep myself from slumping my shoulders slightly. I was devastated that I wasn’t able to see my Queen on my birthday.

“Her majesty wishes for you to join her in her chambers.” She was frowning as she spoke, clearly displeased by the message.

I cocked my head and stared at her before I looked back at Elizabeth. The woman refused to lift her eyes but I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. Perhaps the Queen knew it was my birthday? Maybe that’s why she said I was to do no work today? I darted past Jane and skidded into the small hallway before I twisted back around.

“Did her majesty say immediately?”

“No, but it’s best not to keep her waiting.”

“I won’t. I just want to change my dress.” After all I wanted to look my best for Queen Regina.

“Don’t take all day then go and do it.” Jane shooed me away with a wave of her hand and I ran off.

I wore my best dress that day, which admittedly wasn’t a lot. It was a pretty color though, a deep burgundy, and I even tried to braid my hair to the best of my abilities. I wasn’t that talented at it and it ended up half out of the braid but I still tried and I didn’t want to keep her waiting any longer. I ran down the hallways ignoring the startled looks from servants and guards alike. It didn’t matter to me, my Queen asked for me on my birthday.

I stopped just outside her door and smoothed down the skirt of my frock. I wanted to look my best for her after all. I pushed back wisps of my hair before pushing open her outer door. Just like I was taught, I knocked on the heavy inner doors and waited. I couldn’t help but squirm slightly as I waited for the Queen’s voice to give me permission to enter.

Finally she called for me and I pushed the doors open almost bouncing from excitement. I couldn’t keep the bright smile off my face as I noticed my Queen resting on the familiar chaise lounge we’d often shared. During some of my rather explicit dreams, I imagined her doing so much more with me than just reading to me, but I forced myself to push that thought out of my head. I dipped into a curtsy as the Queen turned to face me. It was growing colder, the snow beginning to fall heavy and hard throughout the day and night. A large fire was lit in the stone fireplace. It crackled and popped almost happily as the Queen shifted on the chaise lounge. Her long beautiful legs that I sometimes imagined wrapped around my waist were exposed as the long deep blue dress she wore exposed them both through the long slit up one side. She sat up slightly shifting so she was resting back on her elbows, pushing her small breasts out towards me. I bit my lip and forced my eyes to look away as my cheeks began to heat.

“Do I not even get a good morning?” The Queen asked in her sultry low voice.

I nodded, “Good morning your grace.”

The Queen smiled as she studied me. I blushed slightly and gave her a small smile in return. I couldn’t help it. When Queen Regina smiled at me, I felt like I was watching the sun rise for the first time in the sky.

“Come closer Emma, let me look at you.”

I stepped closer to the chaise lounge feeling my heart rate accelerate as the Queen reached out, sliding her hand along the apple of my cheek. I couldn’t help but take a deep breath smelling her perfume of jasmine and sandalwood. I tilted my head into the touch, enjoying it. I closed my eyes for a moment almost purring as her fingers slid into my blonde curls.

“You’ve become quite beautiful,” The Queen murmured and I couldn’t stop myself from leaning into her touch as she sat up fully on the chaise lounge.

“Thank you, your grace.” I blushed at her words.

I watched, enraptured, as Queen Regina rose to her feet. It occurred to me, rather hazily that she was actually shorter than me at least physically. Her bearing tended to increase her size. She always filled up a room the moment she stepped inside it.  Slowly, I felt her hand leave my hair and slide down to my left shoulder. Her other hand slid to my right and slowly she pushed me to my knees. I fell rather ungracefully as my face flushed once again.

She laughed, causing me to blush further. “I think I like you in this position my dear. Perhaps I’ll keep you there.”

I glanced up at her with big eyes as she slipped back around me. She settled back on the chaise lounge as though she’d never moved in the first place.

“Do you know how to kneel properly before your sovereign?” Regina asked, sitting forward slightly so that her thighs were on either side of my body.

I gasped, looking up at her with trembling lips. She leaned forward her hand sliding out to caress my cheek before her thumb slid along my bottom lip. She smiled softly but her dead eyes showed no pleasure in the gesture. She continued to stroke my lip and I prayed it wasn’t chapped. I didn’t want anything to make her change her mind about her demeanor which I must admit I’d been dreaming about ever since I was fourteen.

“You never answered my question little one. Do you know how to properly kneel?”

“No, your grace,” I murmured, twitching slightly.

“Stop fidgeting. You should never fidget in my presence.” The Queen sat back slightly, her hand leaving my face. “I like having you on your knees. More than I think I should.”

“If it pleases her majesty then I am…more than willing to…oblige.” I stuttered out.

“Do you remember that day when you were young and you saw the huntsman for the first time?” She asked, seemingly out of the blue.

I blinked, how could I forget? I never saw him in that position again in her majesty’s presence but I did see them together occasionally and it still galled me how close you were to her, Graham. I must confess even now it bothers me to see you two together. I know how easily you could take my place; after all you held it first.

Her hand came back to my face and I nodded, “Yes, your majesty. I remember.”

“I saw the look on your face child. You were frightened but you were also intrigued. You were too young then to understand what I was doing and why I was doing it but now I’d say you were the proper age.”

“Proper age for what majesty?”

Her hand went to my jaw close my lips. “No, little one; do not speak unless I give you permission.”

I nodded my head looking down in shame. I couldn’t believe I’d already displeased her. Would I be punished for such a gesture? Surely I’d deserve it for daring to upset her in any fashion.

“Since this is your first time in my presence like this and I’ve spoiled you, I’ll forgive you; just this once. You’d best make sure you don’t do it again.”

I nodded and she arched a brow clearly waiting. I stared confused before she parted her lips, giving me a silent signal to speak. “Yes, your grace. I won’t mess up again.” I replied to her prompting.

“Good girl.” The Queen purred.

I beamed up at her as she continued to stroke my cheek ever so gently.

She didn’t look up as a knock sounded. “Enter.” She called but her eyes remained firmly on me.

“You sent for me your grace?” I recognized Jane’s voice immediately.

I tensed up, feeling the sinews and muscles harden in my back and shoulders as I wondered how it would affect her knowing I was on my knees before the Queen. Of course by then I’d recognized the look on Jane’s face. She adored the Queen in every sense of the word and in the exact same fashion as I did.

I started to look back over my shoulder wondering just how upset she’d be with me when the Queen’s hand went to my hair and tightened. “I didn’t tell you to move.” She murmured and I could practically hear the smirk in her voice. I whimpered softly, tilting my head down in shame. I didn’t realize I wasn’t allowed to move but I suppose I should’ve. The Queen after all had made it perfectly clear that I wasn’t to speak unless I’d been given express permission.

Regina’s cold eyes finally left my face looking at Jane. “I want you to teach Emma how to properly kneel. She looks like a pig farmer.”

I heard Jane take a breath and release it slowly. Somehow I knew as soon as I was away from the Queen I was going to get in trouble with Jane.

“As you wish your grace,” She responded and I could hear the way her voice quivered with anger.

The Queen smirked as she continued to stroke my hair before she turned back to me. “Go with Jane, Emma and I’ll see you soon.”

I nodded, my head slipping to my feet and almost tripping over my dress. Jane sniffed angrily and the Queen merely offered a small smile. “I’ll see you soon…little one.”

I stared at her with large round eyes before she turned away from me, leaving me bereft and missing her presence with every fiber of my being.

“Oh and Emma?” She called over her shoulder as she slid from the chaise lounge.

“Y…esss?” I managed to stutter out as I kept my eyes on her slender, straight back.

“Happy birthday.”


	6. Chapter 6

Jane was angry. I could tell that much in the way she carried herself ahead of me with a straight back and with little to no sway to her hips. Her fists clenched and unclenched at her sides as we walked down the long dark hallways broken up by the little flicks of light that the torches in their holders provided. I could barely keep up with her as she plodded along. The stomping could’ve woken the dead, I thought sourly.

Soon after coming down a winding set of stone stairs we reached a large wooden door. Not unlike the outside door of the Queen’s chambers. Though this door was rather plain and I wondered just what would lay beyond it. Jane pushed the door open without a word to me and motioned me inside. I couldn’t help but be hesitant that she was demanding I put my back to her. After all I couldn’t help but wonder if she would strike me when I had my back to her.

But these morbid thoughts didn’t come to pass and I found myself standing in a strange open room. This room was so different from the rest of the palace. It was light, the usual dark open windows let in quite a bit of sunlight and though the room was a bit chilled, it wasn’t truly cold. That’s when I began to notice the little oddities that decorated the room. A bed dominated the western wall. It was large enough that I could likely sleep in it for a month and never rest in the same spot. The sheets and pillows were spotless, not a wrinkle or sliver of dust coating their red and black surface. The large posters, I noticed, had large wrought iron rings on it as did the head board.

 

A privacy screen covered the corner of the wall furthest from the open windows and I took note of the chains hanging from the ceiling and the strange X frame near the simple privacy screen. I blinked, looking back at Jane as she frowned stepping into the room.

“Her majesty wishes for you to learn to kneel.” She said, as though I hadn’t heard the words for myself.

But she was angry enough that I didn’t want to challenge her. I nodded and bit my lower lip. When she remained silent, I decided to try and speak.

“What would you have me learn?”

“Nothing,” She responded, her pretty eyes flashing.

I frowned, “Her majesty seems to think I am worthy enough to learn what I need to from you.”

“You don’t know what you’re asking for Emma.”

“I love her majesty.” I began. I was so sick of people calling me dumb. I wasn’t a simpleton even though everyone seemed to think I was.

“Then you’re a bigger fool than I ever imagined. Go behind the privacy screen and take off your corset and petticoats. You don’t need to be hindered when I teach you this.” She commanded.

“Why does everyone say that I am a fool for loving the Queen?” I asked, holding my ground. When I got no response from her, I continued. “Should we not as her servants love her? Is that not what we’re supposed to do?”

“You don’t even know what you’re saying Emma. You’re a child and you have no idea how the Queen truly is.”

“She’s kind to me and dare I say it, I believe she cares for me too.”

“She cares for no one but herself,” Jane snarled, her top lip drawing up. I was shocked at how ugly her usually pretty face was when it was distorted in such a fashion.

“You don’t know how she feels Jane. You’re just upset because her majesty wants me and not you.” I couldn’t help but want to hurt her. She had always flaunted her relationship with the Queen in front of me. She always dangled what she had that I so desperately wanted in front of my face.

She lashed out then, slapping me hard across the cheek. “You’re a fool Emma.” She hissed. “A pretty vapid fool and make no mistake, her majesty,” She spit the term at me, “will eat you alive and spit you out once she’s done with you. The same way she did me and her huntsman.”

I grasped my cheek, staring at her with wide hurt eyes. I had been hit before of course. Elizabeth would beat me with a wooden spoon when I was bad. That hurt far worse than the simple contact of skin on skin hurt, but there was something about Jane’s eyes that scared me more than anything Elizabeth had ever done to me. I wondered briefly if she would kill me. I pushed the thought from my mind as quickly as it came. Queen Regina would never allow that. I had to believe that somewhere, deep down the Queen cared for me in the fashion that I had grown to care for her. There was no way she couldn’t…right? Right, I nodded my head as I lowered my hand from my cheek.

“I don’t think her majesty sent me here to be abused by you Jane,” I forced myself to straighten my back and stand tall. “She wanted me to learn how to properly please her and that is what I will do. Whether or not I have your help in this makes no difference to me. I will find others willing to help me learn if you will not.”

I didn’t understand Jane’s motives back then but now looking back I realize what she was trying to tell me. That she was speaking from experience and I was being the fool everyone always thought me to be. I was running headlong down a dangerous path but I didn’t care at that point. I only wanted to bring myself closer to the Queen. I didn’t know that it would break my very soul to do so.

Jane stared at me, setting her jaw before nodding. “Then do as I asked. Take off your undergarments so that you won’t be so restricted. That’s part of the problem. The other is that you are so very ungraceful.”

I twisted, trying to hide my anger at being called that damned word again. Ungraceful, I knew I was a clumsy little thing but I didn’t need to be constantly reminded of it. I forced myself to move behind the screen and pulled my dress over my head. I wasn’t actually wearing a corset underneath but my undergarments were stiff. I had gone to great lengths to make myself look my best for her majesty.

After slipping off my under skirts and putting my dress back on, I moved from behind the screen. Jane hadn’t moved much. She was now standing in the middle of the room with her arms folded over her chest. She looked up when I moved towards her.

“Her majesty is very particular about the way she likes her servants to kneel. I’m honestly surprised she hasn’t expected you to kneel before her before now but I suppose since you were a child she didn’t see the need. Now that you’re almost grown, it’s time you learned.” She instructed and I nodded willing to forget about the harsh slap she’d delivered to my cheek. I only hoped it wouldn’t bruise, I didn’t want the Queen to think I was ugly.

I didn’t say a word just watched and listened as Jane continued to speak. “In order to kneel the way the Queen wants you to learn, you first need to understand what she’s asking for. In private she may want something different then she does in public. There are two big differences in public kneeling versus private.”

“Will you show me both?” I asked, cocking my head.

Jane nodded, “This is how you will kneel in public.” Without another word she lowered herself to her knees. She kept them together I noted. She was almost to her knees when she tucked her dress underneath so that the fabric stretched tightly across her lap. Her back remained straight as she dropped her head, chin almost touching her chest. Her hands I noticed, settled in her lap with the palm tilted upwards.

She rose slowly to her feet, keeping her hands at her waist line and not using them to push off. When she standing once again she lifted her head. It was so fluid all of her movements. I couldn’t believe how graceful she actually was but then I should’ve figured she was. She was after all property of the Queen, just like I was. I stared at her for a moment watching as she dipped into the kneel once again. She’d been doing it for years, I suppose it made sense that she knew what she was doing.

My first tries at the public way of kneeling were inelegant at best. My knees turned inward and buckled every time I tried to lower myself down and I had to put my hands out to stop myself from hitting the ground too hard too fast. After a particularly pathetic attempt on my part where I ended up flailing and crashing on my knees so hard I almost started to cry, Jane pulled me up.

“Take a deep breath Emma. Calm down and let yourself relax. Focus on the way your knees are folding underneath you, set your foot back ever so carefully and rock your body weight onto it. Lower yourself slowly but not so slow that you are going to get hurt because your strength gives out. Be elegant and poised, that’s what she requires.” She instructed.

I bit my lip and nodded. I took a breath and released it slowly through my nose before lowering myself the exact way Jane had explained. This time, I was able to lower myself down without flailing about and hurting myself on the fall. My knees, already screaming in pain, didn’t like the way I was sitting but I ignored it in favor of folding my hands right in my lap. I took a breath releasing it slowly before I got up the energy to slip to my feet. It didn’t take much after I finally got the hang of it. We must’ve been there for a long time because Jane ordered an early dinner for us since we’d missed lunch and by the time it arrived I was kneeling almost as elegantly as she was. I still wasn’t quite that fluid but my attempts were getting better and better.

“You have to practice every day. When you get up in the morning, kneel by your bedside. Do both public and private so that away you are capable of both. If you have free time work on it; you must always practice. Practice will ensure perfection and perfection is what her majesty desires from you.”

I nodded watching as she moved towards the tray that had been left outside the door for us. It was like no one else wanted to come into this room for whatever strange reason there was. I continued to kneel until she put a plate in front of me.

“Eat, on your knees. You need to get used to it.” The frown on Jane’s face said everything and nothing at the same time.

I nodded doing as she asked. When we were finished she rose to her feet motioning for me to do the same.

“What now?” I asked, anxious to learn more. I wanted to impress the Queen.

“Now we’re going to learn how to kneel when you are with the Queen in private.”

“How is that different?”

“It’s like day and night. You want to make sure when you kneel in private that your body is positioned perfectly. Tuck the imperfections and push out the parts that are best.”

“Why would that matter?” I asked as my brow furrowed.

“Seduction and perfection go hand in hand.”

“I didn’t know I was trying to seduce someone.”

“You really don’t get it do you?”

“What?” I asked, getting a bit angry. What was I missing?

“You’re hers Emma. In every single way; you’ve run to her without hesitation and now she’s going to take what you’ve so freely offered her.”

I frowned, thinking for a moment before I spoke. “Well it all belongs to her so it’s hers to take if she wants it.”

Jane shook her head, her long blonde curls swaying. “You still understand nothing.”

“And it will just have to stay that way until her majesty sees fit to tell me what she wants from me.” I paused, glaring at Jane who glared right back at me. “Now,” I continued. “Teach me how to kneel to make her majesty happy.”

“So be it.” Jane took a few steps back seemingly centering herself before she dropped into another kneel. It was exactly like the first until she moved her hands behind her back. She crossed them at the wrist before dipping forward. Her forehead touched the floor in front of her. Her back was completely straight, lying flat against her curled knees. The skirt of her dress puffed out behind her. I stared at her, wondering. She rose slowly to her feet the same way she had the first time showing me exactly how to place my feet to settle properly.

It didn’t take as long for me to learn this time. I had already figured out the first part of it after all. But it did take me a bit to figure out how to place my back and my hands. They had to go at the small of my back; I had to remind myself of that repeatedly. When I next looked up it was dark out and suddenly Jane was gone. I tilted my head up looking around before I heard soft footsteps. The smell of jasmine and sandalwood was strong around me and I smiled recognizing it immediately.

“My Queen,” I breathed happily. I couldn’t keep the bright smile off my face. I was so excited to show her what I had learned that I didn’t even think before I leapt to my feet.

She cocked her head studying me for a moment. “Did I tell you to rise?” She asked; her silky voice seductive as ever.

I blinked and then knelt back down immediately. I dropped my forehead to the floor as Jane had showed me, moving my hands to the small of my back. 

I felt the very edge of her skirt brush against my cheek. I was impatient and I desperately wanted her to tell me I had done well but she did no such thing.

She took me by surprise but I didn’t hesitate. “Kiss my skirts Emma.” She commanded and I immediately moved to do so.

“No, no. Don’t lift your head, tilt it slightly and press your lips to the edge. Just like that. Good girl.” She praised me as my lips met the whispering velvet of her evening gown. I couldn’t help but purr a little at the attention. This was what I had craved for so long and now I was finally getting it.

“Did you learn your lessons well?” She asked.

“Yes, your grace.” I breathed in between kisses.

“Show me what you learned.” She took a step back waiting on me to rise to my feet again. Now that I had her permission, I didn’t hesitate.

I first showed her the public way to kneel that Jane had taught me for so many agonizing hours. My knees screamed in protest at the move but I forced myself to be as graceful as I could. I didn’t let my legs fold inwards as they wanted to either. She laid a hand on my head once I was down.

“Tilt your head up ever so slightly. That’s right just like that. Now put your hands on each thigh. Don’t cross them like that.” She instructed. I did as she told me pleased that she was now the one teaching me.

She didn’t work with me long really. Just corrected my posture a bit; when she finally allowed me to rise to my feet she pet my hair tenderly for a moment.

“Go to your chambers for tonight but tomorrow morning I expect you in mine first thing. Tomorrow begins your real training.”

I was tempted to ask what she meant but I refrained. I was sure I would find out soon enough. I couldn’t wait until I was once again in her presence. I would soon find out though just why Jane looked so ragged sometimes in the morning.


	7. Chapter 7

That night I tossed and turned. I don’t think I slept a wink that night. I kept jumping up at the slightest sound and I couldn’t ever really get comfortable. I was either too hot or too cold. I was also nervous and excited and a bit afraid. I suppose adrenaline will do that to a person. The Queen was finally showing me the affection I’d desired from her. I didn’t know quite what to make of it but when the dawn came I was awake to greet it. I watched the sun come up as though it was the first time. First, the sky lit up with bright reds and oranges and I was reminded of the groves I used to play in as a child. Then the soft purples and greens that I adored whenever I saw the Queen wearing them and finally the bright morning sky; I waited impatiently pacing back and forth until there was a knock on the door of my simple bed chamber.

“Yes?” I called, pushing my hair back behind my ears. I wished I’d brushed it before they came for me.

“The Queen wishes for your presence now,” A guard’s low voice called. “Don’t keep her waiting.”

“I’ll be right there. Just give me one moment.” I grabbed for my brush quickly running it through my curls before I ran to the door and flung it open.

I offered a small smile to the guard but it wasn’t returned as he merely turned on his heel obviously expecting me to follow. He wasn’t incorrect in this assumption. I was desperate to see Queen Regina.

I followed behind him almost vibrating with excitement as I listened to his armor clang. When we finally reached the Queen’s chambers, I immediately dipped into the private bow Jane had taught me.  I laced my fingers together at the small of my back and rested my forehead on the stone floor. And though my sore knees gave a screech of protest, I ignored it. I was after all pleasing my Queen and the most important thing to me.

I didn’t look up as I heard her feet pattering on the hard floor. I let out a soft sigh though feeling comfortable in this position before her. Supplication was something I’ve gotten very good at over the years. Plus the floors were cool against my warm skin; I can always appreciate contrasts like that.

 

“Stand up little one.” She commanded and I rose to my feet doing as she said. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face.

“Good morning.” She said softly, looking me over.

“Good morning my Queen,” I greeted softly, feeling my heart flutter in its cage of bone and muscle.

The Queen studied my face for a moment before I dipped my head down. I felt her hand slide into my hair and I couldn’t help but purr a bit at the tenderness of her touch.

“Do you belong to me?” She asked.

I nodded, “Yes my Queen. I’m yours.”

“All mine?”

“All yours,” I confirmed happily.

Her hand fell from my hair as she moved back to the chaise lounge. She didn’t sit down, merely stood by it. She studied me for another few moments before coming towards me once again. She lifted a hand and a puff of purple smoke shot from her hand. I gasped as it surrounded me for a moment before it dissipated and I was left in nothing but my underskirts. My arms immediately went up to cover my breasts; a bright blush rose up in my cheeks. I could feel it spreading all the way to my chest. I couldn’t believe she would do this to me.

My wide eyes shot to her beautiful face as I noticed her furrowed brow and puckered lips. She took a few steps towards me and reached for my hands. I didn’t unclasp them, holding them underneath my arms to preserve my modesty.

She offered me a soft smile but I didn’t return it. I watched as she clasped my hands. Slowly, she drew them out from underneath my arms and held them out from me. I shivered as she stared into my eyes before slowly slipping down. I wanted to cover myself, I longed to cover myself but I could only stand there, frozen, as her dark eyes slid along my bare flesh.

Slowly her fingers began to trail up my forearms over my triceps and to my collar bones. Gooseflesh covered my body as her soft fingertips whispered over my skin. I stared into her lifeless eyes finding nothing just like always and yet it comforted me. I don’t think back then I would’ve known what to do to see a spark of life in her eyes. Her fingers continued their endless touches finally reaching the tops of my heaving milky white breasts.

I stared at her, my eyes going wider if possible.

“You’re all mine right?”

I swallowed reflexively and nodded as I felt her small hands cup my surprisingly tender breasts. I’d never been touched like that before.

“So then by your line of thought, your body is mine too. Meaning I can do what I will with it and you cannot stop me because it all belongs to me.”

She pushed my breasts together and up as though experimenting with the weight of them in her hands before finally releasing them. She watched as they bounced and heaved with every breath I took before her hands were back to my breasts squeezing them tightly. I gasped, feeling her fingers digging into the soft flesh.

“Say it.” She commanded, her dark eyes staring into mine.

I nodded, knowing instinctively what she wanted. “I’m yours.”

“Why?” The Queen cocked her head staring at me.

My brow furrowed. “I don’t know.” I answered honestly.

The Queen smirked. “You’ll learn.”

I shivered at the words. I could feel my nipples harden as her hands continued their almost tender caresses. There was a bruising quality to them though; possessive in every sense of the word. It was intoxicating and yet scary at the same time. I didn’t know what to make of it and yet I couldn’t get enough of it. Every touch, every sensation of her soft skin caressing me; I was addicted and I had to have more.

“What if I were to leave you like this?” The Queen’s voice broke through the haze. “What if I let you go about your work today in nothing but your underskirts? Would you like that?” She asked; the same cold smirk painted across her beautiful features.

“No, my Queen,” I whimpered.

“Why not?”

I paused, trying to gather my thoughts as her hands continued their assault on my senses. I shook my head. “I don’t…want…” I swallowed.

“What?  You don’t want what? You don’t want to obey me?”

“No, not at all my Queen. I…” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I don’t…want anyone…to see…what is…yours.” I felt her hands stop and I flinched expecting to be struck before her hands went back to caressing my bare breasts once again.

“You’re a good girl Emma; a good little girl.” She purred as though my answer had pleased her and I let out a soft breath of relieve. My breasts shifted in her hands and she squeezed again but this time it wasn’t the driving force that it had been the first time.

I whimpered, feeling pleasure at the softer touch. Her fingers found my nipples and I gasped as she pinched them between her fingers. My stomach twisted at the shot of pleasure that coursed through my body and settled between my thighs. I shifted, pushing my breasts into her as hard as I could. She gave another pinch and I knew she was watching me as my eyes rolled back in my head. I’d never known any sort of touch like this. I had no idea that this could be so pleasurable.

“But you underestimate your worth to me.”

My eyes shot open as I stared at her.

“I am after all a gracious monarch,” She continued, “And if I choose to let everyone see what is mine they will be thankful for it. Their gratitude keeps them malleable after all. And a little bit of forbidden fruit never hurts,” She whispered in my ear, following that with a slight flick of her tongue against the tender cartilage.  

I bit down on the inside of my lower lip, almost drawing blood before I managed to speak again. “Then…it would occur…my queen.”

“Yes, it truly would.” She finally released my breasts taking a step back from me. “Kneel.” She commanded and I immediately fell into the private kneel that I’d been taught. It was easier, I mused as I dipped my forehead to the floor, if only to keep myself covered. I could think with a clearer head when her hands weren’t on my body. She sat down on the chaise lounge and I knew she was studying me as she always did.

A loud knock at the door almost made me jump but the Queen seemed to be expecting it.

“Enter,” Her voice carried as it always did in her chambers.

“My Queen,” A man knelt in armor. The only reason I could tell was because I could hear his armor clanging as he dropped to his knees in supplication before the Queen.

“Yes?” She answered settling back comfortably. She never saw a point in rising.

“A letter has come for you; a letter bearing the White Kingdom’s seal.”

“Really?” The Queen’s voice was part intrigued, part angry. I could tell by the way it shook ever so slightly.

The guard merely nodded and stood up; he handed the scroll to the Queen and dipped into another bow. I remained in my place not wanting to call attention to myself. Queen Regina was angry but intrigued I’d learn later that never boded well for me.

“Emma, my pet,” She said my name softly.

I bit my lip, waiting for a question that never came and I realized she was waiting on my response. “Yes my Queen?”

“Sit up on your knees,” She commanded and I swallowed. I did as she told me to and forced myself to suppress the urge to cover myself.

“Look upon her Captain.” She commanded the guard as my lower lip began to wobble.

The man’s bright eyes stared at me, looking over my skin.

“Isn’t she lovely?” The Queen asked.

“Yes, your grace. She’s very lovely.” He parroted willingly.

“Do you not think her too pale?”

“No, your majesty; she is lovely.”

“She’s all milk and honey; a wonderful combination but so rare in these parts.”

The Captain dipped his head slightly and I squeezed my eyes shut.

“Do you want to fuck her?” The Queen asked and I gasped never having heard such vulgar words drip from her lips.

“She belongs to her majesty.”

“I didn’t ask who she belonged to. I asked if you wanted her underneath you.” The Queen’s temper flared again.

I opened my eyes and noticed the sweat beginning to pour down the sides of his chiseled features. He was nervous and who could blame him really.

“If she were not her majesty’s property,” Here he hesitated. “Then yes, your grace, I would like to have her underneath me.”

“You’d just love to break her in wouldn’t you?” The Queen sat forward, a predator playing with her prey.

“Yes, your majesty.” 

“My my, Emma you surely are attracting all sorts of attention to you.”

I whimpered and waited, wondering what the Queen would do next. She didn’t shock me when she turned to me.

“Would you like to fuck the Captain of my guard pet?”

I squeezed my eyes shut before I shook my head.  “No, my Queen.”

“No? Now why is that? He’s handsome and strong. Most women fall all over themselves for him.”

“Including you your grace?” I realized the mistake the moment the words left my lips.

She laughed a cold bell-like sound that echoed in her chambers. “What a cheeky little imp you are my pet. Surely you know I cannot allow you to get away with such words.”

“I’m sorry your majesty.” I whimpered, feeling tears begin to fall down my cheeks. I fell forward and slid my body across the floor towards her. When I finally reached her, I pressed my lips to the hem of her deep blue gown. I had to make her forgive me; I was desperate to be in her good graces again. I couldn’t fall from them in such a short amount of time could I? I was terrified that she would find me unworthy of her time and I would be sent back to the kitchens with not even a single glance from her cold eyes. How would I survive without her?

Her hand fisted in my hair and she pulled me up. “Now now, there is no need for tears my pet.” She soothed as I felt the fat drops continue to slip from my wet eyes.

“Leave us Captain I have other matters to attend to.”

“Yes, my Queen.” I could hear the relief in his voice.

The Queen tapped her fingers against her thigh as I shifted unable to help but squirm under her gaze.

“What did I tell you about squirming?” She asked.

I whimpered softly, “I’m sorry your majesty.”

She rose to her feet. “You disappoint me pet. Perhaps you aren’t ready to serve me just yet.”

“No, my Queen please. Please don’t send me away.” I pleaded as the tears started anew. “I’ll never survive it.” I added.

Queen Regina remained silent for a few moments before she sighed. “You need to be better Emma. Surely you realize this.”

“Yes, my Queen. I’ll do better. I promise. I’ll do anything, just please don’t send me away.”

“You will do better in the future. Do you understand me?” Her voice was low, dangerous.

I nodded, “Yes my Queen.”

“I will share your body if I want to. It’s mine to share with whom I choose.” She continued.

I felt my heart break at the thought of lying with anyone but her and yet I found myself nodding. “Yes, my Queen.”

“Get up and go about your work for the day.” She waved her hand and I was fully clothed again. I rose slowly to my feet and dipped my head.

“I’m sorry, your grace.” I murmured.

“Whatever for dear?” Her voice had taken on the saccharine quality that let me know she was angry at me for speaking to her.

“I didn’t mean to disappoint you. I will do better in the future.”

“You will.” Queen Regina agreed immediately and I nodded.

“I realize that I am yours and you will do with me what you choose. I cannot stop it any more than I can stop the stars from shining in the night sky.” I continued. “But my Queen may I beg a favor of you?”

“Usually those that ask favors of me get more than they bargain for Emma. You’d best be sure that what you ask is something that you can handle.”

I paused, unsure, before I spoke. “I am innocent to all manner of things.” I began, taking a few breaths to center myself. “The most of them being, the touch of another; and I have longed ever since I knew what it meant to lose my innocence to my Queen.” I dared a glance up through my hair and noticed the intrigued look on the Queen’s face.  A bright blush heated my cheeks as I dipped into a deep curtsy.

She remained silent as I turned and made my way to the door. I paused briefly, waiting to be told I wasn’t dismissed but when I wasn’t I pulled the door to her inner chambers open.

“Emma?” The Queen called my name and I stopped.

“Yes my Queen?” I asked, feeling my heart flutter again.

“I will send a guard for you tonight. Be prepared for all manner of things.”

I nodded, “Yes your grace.”

“You may wish to take a nap. We won’t be sleeping much tonight.” She continued.

My head bobbed as I acknowledged her words. I didn’t realize then just what I had done. Like a great many things I was too innocent to fully understand but I wanted to learn and I desperately wanted to be with her in any capacity so I let myself be led to the flame. I didn’t know then whether I would burn or not but I was more than willing to find out.


	8. Chapter 8

I don’t really remember much of that day if I’m honest. I was nervous and excited and anxious. I think I did my chores and I know Elizabeth yelled at me for my distraction but I didn’t care. Tonight was going to be a special night. I was going to get to be with my Queen for the first time and though I only vaguely knew the mechanics of sex and only because I had witnessed two of the servant girls rolling around in the hay in the barn, I was more than ready to be with my Queen.

As the night descended I grew more and more nervous. I couldn’t sit still during dinner, which I was forced to eat with the other servants in the kitchen.

“Emma quit fidgeting.” Jane muttered, glaring darkly at me. She was no longer in the Queen’s favor it seemed. She had all but replaced me. Of course I’d learn that later too.

 

I didn’t say a word as I continued to pick at my food and tap my feet against the stone floor. I barely ate as the conversation flowed on around me. Isabelle was about to have a baby and John couldn’t have been happier. He was boisterously talking about how proud he was of his soon to be son with the other servants. Isabelle for her part was looking rather green but still trying to join in on the conversation and considering the amount of hands touching her belly I didn’t think she’d appreciate me cooing over her either.

Not that I would’ve back then mind you. The thought of children then made me cringe. I didn’t like the idea of something so small and helpless dependent on me for its everything. I sighed as I picked more at my food before pushing my plate away. I wasn’t hungry and I had other things to worry about.

“Are you not going to finish eating girl?” Elizabeth asked me gruffly.

I shook my head, “I’m really not hungry. Thank you though. Perhaps I’ll get something later.”

She frowned but didn’t stop me as I pushed away from the table and went back to my rooms. I paced the floors, feeling the knots in my guts grow tighter and tighter. I couldn’t help but wonder what was in store for me when I finally went to the Queen that night. Would I be good enough for her? Would I mess this up too? Would she even want me after all this? Questions plagued my mind as I sat heavily upon my small shelf bed wondering just what I was thinking. I was way in over my head but I had no one to turn to.

The knock broke through my reverie as I untangled my hands from my hair. I pulled open the door and stepped out of the room at the guard’s beckoning. He didn’t have to speak; I knew why he was here. Walking the halls felt like I was walking to the gallows and not to the Queen’s bedchambers. I was always so anxious to be with her that this twisting and churning made everything seem so much worse than it was. I laid a hand on my stomach, trying to calm it as I stopped in front of the Queen’s chambers. I took a deep breath to center myself and pushed the outer door open. I paused at the inner doors knowing I could run back to my chambers, maybe sleep in the barn to avoid being found but then I was no coward and though nervous I couldn’t bring myself to stay away from the Queen like that. Mind made up, I tapped on the inner doors waiting for her words open the door.

Slowly her voice washed over me and I felt calm for the first time since I left her rooms that morning. When I pushed open the door, she was resting on her side on the chaise lounge in nothing but a small eastern styled robe made of a sheer black material. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her frame as every inch of her skin was basically revealed to my eyes. She was perfect, utterly beautiful and I swallowed against the lump in my throat as I pushed the doors shut and took a few steps into the room. I dipped into the private bow I’d been taught and was learning to perfect so well. I had practiced in my room that afternoon finding serenity in that position in ways I never thought I ever would.

I heard her small feet hit the floor and move towards me. Slowly she circled my body and I took a breath, releasing it slowly through my nose as I listened attentively. She stopped directly behind me. I heard a small rip and with a puff of purple smoke my clothes were once again gone. I gasped but didn’t move. She hadn’t just made the top disappear this time. It was the bottom too. I was completely naked, helpless and at her mercy. I knew that’s how she intended for me to feel. Heat burned in my cheeks as I flushed with embarrassment.

“Rise; let me see what all my hard work has garnered.”

My brow furrowed, I didn’t understand what she meant by that. I still don’t but I did as she told me to and slid as gracefully as possible to my feet.

“Lock your hands behind your neck with your elbows pointed straight out.” She commanded. I hesitated for a moment but finally did as she told me.

“Spread your legs, shoulder length apart.” Her commands were swift, her voice as cold as always but her tones were pure honey to me and I couldn’t help but want to languish in them.

I took a breath shifting my feet apart as she’d told me, setting them in a comfortable position. I closed my eyes briefly before forcing them open. The Queen was now standing in front of me. I had to resist the urge to take a step back. I had always enjoyed how close she’d let me but having her suddenly there took me by surprise and my knee jerk reaction like most people’s when startled was to back up. She reached out trailing her long fingered hands along my cheek and down towards my lips. She traced my bottom lip and pushed her thumb in my mouth for a moment. I willingly parted my teeth when she pushed against them allowing her finger to slide into my mouth.

“Suck,” She murmured and I set to work doing as she told me.

I couldn’t keep the flush of embarrassment off my cheeks, I had never done anything like this before after all but here I was naked and standing in front of my Queen with her finger in my mouth. I formed an O shape with my lips and slowly slid my tongue along the pad of her finger. When I saw a smile on her face, I got a bit more confident and swirled my tongue around her finger before flicking at it with the tip. She slowly withdrew even as I moved my head to keep her finger in my mouth. I couldn’t help myself really, she tasted good.

“That’s enough. Good girl.” She kept her voice soft and low, silky but there was still that commanding edge that was always there when she spoke to me.

I couldn’t keep the smile off my face; I loved it when she praised me.

She turned away from me moving back towards the chaise lounge for a moment leaving me in my former position. I was unsure if I should drop my arms from the position she’d asked me to put them in but I figured I’d best stay that way. She looked out the window as she settled herself down. Rain was beginning to fall outside but she didn’t seem bothered by it. On the contrary she seemed content to watch the water fall to the earth from the heavens.

“I always liked the rain. I never understood why people hated it.” She murmured. “It’s soothing and cleansing. A lot like fire.” Her dead eyes turned back towards me and I shivered. I didn’t know what that meant but it didn’t sound comforting at all.

“Did you know I used to brand my pets?” She continued, jadedly as though we were still speaking about the weather and not burning my flesh under a hot iron.

My lips parted as a whoosh of air escaped me. My legs began to shake as my lips trembled in fear. If she wanted to do that to me, I knew I wouldn’t refuse her. I couldn’t even if I had wanted to but as everyone loved to point out I was a little fool. I would’ve done anything to make her happy. 

She studied me for a moment. “The huntsman still wears the brand I put on him all those years ago. Too bad I stopped the practice. Perhaps I’ll bring it back for you? Would you like that pet?”

My whole body shook with fear but I forced myself to speak. Despite my efforts to keep my voice from shaking, the words still sounded uneven as I spoke them. “If…her majesty…” I stuttered. “wants….I can…not…refuse.” I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling tears gather there at the thought of the pain that awaited me from such an act.

“On your knees, crawl towards me,” She commanded. I felt the tears slide down my cheeks as I did as she told me to. I kept my back straight as I moved towards her, my hair blocking my view but giving me a curtain to hide the tears that continued to spill down my cheeks.

I stopped when I reached her legs but didn’t sit up until I felt her hand underneath my wet chin. She urged me up to my knees before her.

“Why are you crying? Isn’t this what you wanted?”

I nodded my head as my lip trembled.

“Then what is it?”

I took a moment to gather myself so I could speak coherently. “Pain scares me.” I finally admitted.

She cocked her head, “Pain and pleasure go hand in hand child. Surely you knew that.”

I shook my head and she smirked. “Clearly we’ll have to correct that perception.”

I shivered but not from fear. My wet eyes sought hers out and for a moment I saw a flare of something there, something I hadn’t seen before. It was gone before I really could comprehend it but I felt oddly comforted by it. She wasn’t as unaffected as I always thought she was. I bit my lower lip when I felt her hands come up to cup my wet cheeks. She pushed my hair, which clung to the track marks my tears had made, away from my face before slowly returning.

“Do you know how to pleasure a woman pet?”

I shook my head, “No, your majesty.”

“Do you wish to learn?” She cocked her head and I nodded my head so hard I would’ve toppled forward had she not had a hold of my face.

She smiled softly. “You’re so eager sweet one.”

I smiled at her, the feelings of fear washed away with her soft words. Why had I been afraid in the first place? Oh right pain but she’d said they would go together and surely I wouldn’t derive pleasure from having my flesh singed right? Right, I decided a moment later as her hands left my head and slowly went to the belt of her robe. She opened it with her small delicate fingers and the fabric parted revealing her smooth olive toned skin to my hungry eyes.

I swallowed feeling my mouth dry again at the sight. She was so beautiful and perfect and I was going to be allowed to touch her? My fingers tingled as I resisted the urge to just reach out and slide my fingers along her skin. I knew subconsciously that she hadn’t given me permission to touch her yet but oh how I wanted to. I had only the vaguest idea of the mechanics but I was anxious to learn, anxious for her to teach me what would make her cry out in pleasure.

Slowly she shifted and parted her thighs and I moaned at the sight. I felt her fingers sliding through my hair and it registered in my foggy brain that they had been there the entire time I’d been staring at her. She urged my forward and I did as she silently commanded. I took a breath and let out a soft breathy moan. I couldn’t help myself really. She smelled so good. Sort of musky and light mixed with a bit of jasmine soap she usually used. It was completely addicting.

“Kiss me.” She commanded.

I did as she commanded sliding my lips along her wet silky folds. I was thrilled at being allowed this close to her.

She allowed my tender caresses for a moment before she spoke again sounding a bit more breathless now. I liked the way it sounded immediately and wanted to hear her that way often.

“Part your lips and use your tongue.”

I did as she asked, allowing my tongue to dart out. I moaned into her flesh at the taste. She tasted even better than I could’ve ever dreamed of. Almost like the apples she consumed daily with a bit of spice. I was unsure of what I was supposed to do but I noticed she reacted differently when I focused on the apex of her sex and not on the surrounding area. My tongue lapped at the moist flesh I found as I listened attentively to her soft keening moans. I must’ve been doing something right I figured. I decided to experiment a bit using short swipes of my tongue and judging those reactions against long lavish licks. She clearly liked the short swipes better since her hands tightened in my hair and her back arched ever so slightly.

I closed my eyes losing myself in my ministrations. I couldn’t believe I was being allowed to do this to her. I had longed to touch her for so long that now that I was here on my knees before her I was unsure of how to feel. Thinking would just have to be done later, after the buzzing in my mind had been settled. I wasn’t as dumb as people seemed to think I was back then. I knew enough to know that my reaction to her pleasure was beyond anything normal. I could feel my own cheeks flushing as my breathing increased. My excitement paralleled her own as it climbed and climbed. Her cries grew longer, more rhythmic before everything shattered in my world as she released a loud scream.

I gasped as spots appeared on the edges of my vision as she slowly pulled my head away from her. She arched a brow at me and I whimpered unsure of what had happened. All I knew was I felt completely boneless and my mind was buzzing. I blinked at her waiting on her reaction before she released a laugh.

I blinked wondering what she was laughing at.

“Did you come pet? Just from kissing my sex?”

I cocked my head wondering what she meant by that before I figured out it must have been the sensation I had experienced that she was speaking about. I nodded my head, looking down suddenly feeling ashamed of my body’s reaction to hers.

She was still smiling when she lifted my wet chin to look at her. “Well aren’t you just a delightful little creature. I’m going to enjoy ravishing you thoroughly my little pet.”

I shivered at her tone but I couldn’t help the reaction of my body. I wanted to lean forward and bury my face in her sex again but she kept her hand on my chin preventing me from leaning forward.

“Stand up pet. And lace your hands back behind your neck with your elbows straight just like I asked earlier.” She released my face and I rose to my feet assuming the position she’d told me to. Slowly she rose to her feet and I couldn’t stop my eyes from wandering over her body which was still exposed through the wide part of her robe, it wasn’t even that the robe hid anything to begin with really but having her skin displayed to me only made my own hunger to please her again grow. She continued to walk around me as I breathed slowly through my nose trying to ignore the scent of her that continued to cling to my skin.

She slid around behind me and I felt her body press against mine. I gasped as I felt her hands slide around my body. I couldn’t help as I leaned back slightly against her smaller body. Her hands went up caressing my breasts and I sighed and bit my lip to hold back my whimper when her fingers plucked my nipples. I moaned softly when her fingers pinched none too gently. She laughed and continued her ministrations. I felt the seeping wetness flowing out of my body with just her touch to my breasts. I couldn’t believe how good that felt. I whimpered and sucked my stomach in when her hands trailed down to my stomach. She caressed me for a few moments before her hands slid lower. I gasped when I felt one of her small hands cup my wet sex. My hips thrust willingly into her touch and I blushed brightly turning my head down and away as though she could see my face and my burning cheeks. My body’s reactions were just that, my body’s. I knew had I been able to think straight I wouldn’t have reacted that way but I couldn’t help myself. Her touch felt too good.

She laughed sounding delighted at my reaction. “That’s a good little girl.” She murmured, “Don’t you worry. You’ll get your pleasure…at the end of the night. After all we’ve got a long way to go before we allow that to happen.”

I shivered at her words, wondering if she would actually hold true to them or not. I had no way of knowing and I wasn’t sure I truly wanted to find out.


	9. Chapter 9

The Queen taught me much that night. I learned quickly that pain could be pleasurable. Looking back over it, she really took her time with me. That first time to me was the most magical experience of my life up until that point. It had hurt but the pain mingled with the pleasure and it became an intoxicating, heady combination that I didn’t know if I would survive through. The Queen’s possessive touches, her nips and bites that left marks on my throat and chest; I was addicted.

The first pain I remember receiving at her hands was right after she’d allowed me to kiss her sex. She had me bend over the chaise lounge with my bottom up in the air. I was unstable in the position and I struggled to comply not quite able to find my footing but she laid a reassuring hand between my shoulder blades, pinning me down but somehow relaxing me at the same time. I took a breath, my hair hanging over my face, hiding me from view. Slowly, her hand traced up my thighs. I shivered as she parted them.

 

“Keep them spread. Never close them when we’re in private. I like you open and waiting for me.” She murmured to which I made a mental note. I wouldn’t ever disappoint her again if I had my way after all.

Slowly her hands continued their pleasant caresses. I sighed, feeling my body relax as her small soft hands continued to draw patterns on the exposed skin of my backside. I felt the air move but I didn’t put two and two together until the ringing sound of flesh meeting flesh hit my ears and a stinging sensation pulled me from my trance. I squirmed as blow after blow landed but it wasn’t as unpleasant as I thought it would be. It was a bit embarrassing yes but I could move past that.

The queen’s small hand struck me again and again. Certain places did sting more than others, I quickly found. Particularly those places she struck where her rings were. Those really hurt when they hit my flesh. I couldn’t help but wince each time they came in contact with a rapidly forming bruise. I wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week at the rate the queen was going. The blows were quick but not quite that forceful as she slowly built me up to it. I was grateful for that. If she had started out hard, I knew I wouldn’t have been able to take it as long as I did.

I don’t quite know how long it went on but still she kept it up. I figured her hand must be quite numb by now but she didn’t stop. Not until I started sobbing. Then her hand slowed and finally stopped. She lifted her hands and gently slid them along the bruises on my bottom. I hissed unable to help myself. It really hurt but it hadn’t been unpleasant until the bruises really started to sting. I suppose at that point I could see the appeal of the spanking, I was after all dripping between my legs. I shifted uncomfortably, trying my best not to squirm as her hands continued to gently touch.

I cried out when she gripped tightly. I could feel the bruises smarting under her touch. I bit down on my lower lip to keep from sobbing loudly. My legs shook as I tried to keep as still as I could. It hurt so badly. I’d never felt anything like it.

She leaned down, her small body pressing against mine. I could feel every inch of her bare flesh against mine. Though the bruises stung badly I couldn’t help but enjoy the feeling of her pressed against me. I whimpered but didn’t say a word. It was difficult to breathe but I endured it. I didn’t want to disappoint her after all. I’d done enough of that since this whole thing began. She slowly sat back and moved away from me as I remained draped across the back of the chaise like some sort of strange offering. I took a breath and then released it slowly but I didn’t look up and I only barely shifted my weight from foot to foot.

She finally came back towards me and grabbed me by my hair. I gasped as she jerked me up off the couch. I could feel my hair tugging at the roots. It wasn’t painful per se but it did immobilize me in a way that I’d never been.  It was frightening and yet comforting. I couldn’t tell you why exactly but being helpless didn’t bother me in ways I’m told it should. I never minded, in fact I found it as comforting as I did when I knelt at her feet in the privacy of her rooms. There was something almost reassuring about not being in control of your body or your surroundings. I moved as she wanted me to, not fighting her in the least. I trusted her implicitly; I would let her do whatever she wanted with me. She tossed me like a rag doll onto her bed.

My body hit her thick bed and I stared up at the ceiling. How strange that the thick curtains came up and twisted into such patterns; funny how I noticed things like that when she was about to take my virginity from me. I felt her knees hit the bed and I knew instinctively what to do. I lifted my hands above my head, locking them at the wrists and resting them on her thick fluffy pillows. I spread my legs willingly as she crawled between them. Her face hovered over mine, her long hair spilling around my face. I stared up at her and swallowed. She was so beautiful.

I was so tempted to lift my hands, to cup her cheeks and touch her high cheekbones but I knew that wasn’t my place. She arched a silent brow and I offered her a small smile.

“You’re beautiful my Queen.” I murmured, unable to help myself.

“Am I the fairest of them all?” The Queen asked, her eyes sparkling like onyxes in the dim light of the torches that hung on the walls. The thick curtains of her bed fluttered ever so slightly with the night breeze.

“You are the most beautiful Queen that ever reigned.” I praised her; I wanted her to know how much I thought of her.

“Long live…me right?” The Queen’s fingers drifted over my triceps and down towards my neck. I shivered as her fingernails scraped along my collar bone.

I nodded my head as my lashes fluttered against my cheek. I shifted my body underneath hers, feeling the bruises smart from the added weight of her small compact body on top of mine. Her hands tightened around my throat and I gasped, my eyes bugging slightly. I resisted the urge to struggle and kept my hands above my head.  She held on for what seemed like an eternity but was probably only a few moments really. Finally her fingers released my throat and I took a gasping breath trying to ignore the heated feeling in my cheeks. Blood had rushed to my head while she’d been choking me. I blinked away the tears that had gathered in the corners of my eyes; my eyes were so blurry I could barely make out her features above me.

Finally my eyes cleared and I was able to make out her features once again. Her upper lip was drawn up in some sort of snarling look and her fingers were still trailing along my body occasionally pressing down but no longer trying to strangle me. Her glittering eyes studied my face with that same possessive look she always wore. I took a breath, releasing it slowly ignoring the way it seemed to make a high pitched whining noise. I couldn’t help it and she didn’t seem to notice either so I was sure I was safe.

“Why would you let me do that?” She demanded.

Sometimes the simplest answers are the ones that throw us the most. I would later realize just how much my answer threw her.

“Because I’m yours,” I breathed.

Her fingers jolted to a stop on their decent across my arms once again. They tightened ever so slightly on my triceps before releasing me again and starting their work.

“Have you ever been kissed before little one?”

I somehow had a feeling this was a trick question even then. Now I know what it was but somehow I managed to navigate that land mine.

“Yes,” I was honest.

“You have?” The Queen’s brow arched as though she didn’t already know the answer.

“Yes, my Queen but it was a long time ago.”

 “Show me. Show me how you were kissed.” She demanded and I carefully pushed myself up. I didn’t want to dislodge her but I needed to get to her cherry red lips.

Slowly I pressed my lips to hers, mashing them together none to gently. It was how I’d been kissed by the stable girl all those years ago after all. She allowed me to press against her but I could tell her lips weren’t moving against mine. I pulled away looking away shyly. 

“Whoever kissed you didn’t know what they were doing.” The Queen murmured and then she proceeded to show me how she liked to be kissed.

The Queen was particular about this. She liked control but she also didn’t want to overpower me for some odd reason. Kissing was something to be savored. When she thrust her tongue into my mouth, I didn’t feel violated like I had with Anne. Instead I felt a sense of belonging and warmth. I only hoped I was doing this right. I wanted my Queen to kiss me again and often at that. That was a new feeling for me. I wasn’t very fond of kissing after Anne. Truth be told, I never really wanted to kiss anyone but the Queen to begin with. I’m sure that contributed to the way I felt after those first few kisses.

The Queen wasn’t too forceful but I knew who was in control the entire time. I tried my best to reciprocate but she pulled away when I tried to clumsily sneak my tongue into her mouth.

“None of that,” She murmured twisting a lock of my blonde hair around her fingers. She gave a small tug and I opened my mouth in a small gasp.  It hadn’t really hurt but I was anticipating pain and reacted to that stimulus.

I nodded, “I’m sorry my Queen. I was only trying to pleasure you.” I murmured, my eyes dropping to her lips.

She shook her head, “That is your only goal now. My pleasure.”

I nodded again, “Yes my Queen. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“I come first to you; in all things.” She commanded and I nodded so hard I thought my head would fall off my neck.  “You don’t think, act, eat, or even breathe without knowing that it gives me some kind of pleasure.”

She slithered up my body and I knew instinctively what she wanted. With her thighs on either side of my head I willingly sat up and glancing at her for permission wrapped my hands around them. I sat forward willingly burying my face in her once again. I wasn’t nearly as hesitant this time as I was that first time. I wanted to pleasure my Queen; that was to be my only goal now and I was determined to do just that.

I strained my ears to listen to each catch of her breath. My hands were sensitive to every shudder of her small body above mine. I could feel her hair brushing against my breasts as she threw her head back with each breathy cry she released. I was addicted; I had to have her like I had to have air in my lungs. I knew I should’ve been scared, terrified really of my now favorite thing to do but kissing her sex and listening to her pleasures as she willingly allowed me to taste her again and again was as close to heaven as I thought I’d ever get. I was already damned after all, might as well enjoy my damnation.

When her trembles finally subsided she collapsed to one side of me, her glistening chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. I didn’t move, she hadn’t given me permission to after all, despite how uncomfortable I was between my own legs. I hadn’t reached my pinnacle as I had the first time so I was beyond ready when she rolled on top of me once again and pressed her lips to mine. Her hands slide over my sweat soaked body finding all the little points that made my breath catch and my eyelids flutter in pleasure.

Her tongue swept into my mouth silencing my scream as two of her fingers entered me for the first time. It hurt was the first thing that registered within my head. I had never had anything inside me before and my body wasn’t used to the intrusion. I whimpered but she swallowed it as I fought to keep my hips from trying to buck her off me and dislodging her fingers from inside my body. She stayed still for which I was thankful for. I hissed against her mouth when she slowly pulled them out and pushed them back inside. I felt tears gather in the corner of my eyes; how was this pleasurable? I couldn’t help but wonder.

Then her thumb found something that made me moan. It stroked over the pleasurable spot as her fingers wiggled and thrust inside of me. It almost made the pain go away all together. Slowly I adjusted to having her inside me. As her thumb continued its pleasurable movements, my hips started to roll into it. Her fingers matched each movement of my hips and instead of pain, it faded to a pleasant tingling at the base of my spine and slow tightening in my stomach. I groaned against her lips as her tongue thrust into my mouth once again.

It felt like something was building up inside me but I wasn’t sure what it was. It was a like a wave; a tidal wave that I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to. It wasn’t like the first time when I had just felt something burst forth from me knowing I had given her so much pleasure. This was something different, something primal. It scared me a bit but frankly I had no desire to stop it. I let it crash over me as I screamed against her mouth. It was like nothing I’d ever felt before. It was pleasure, pain and everything else mixed in all together to create this wonderfully charged feeling that left me breathless and weightless. I felt like I was floating in a warm pool of water. The fog so thick I could barely see the blue sky above. When I finally came back to my body, she was right there watching my face closely.

I blinked up at her, unsure of what to do. I hissed suddenly as I felt her withdraw her sticky fingers from inside me. I winced when she lifted them up and I noticed they were coated in blood and other things. I felt faint at the sight. I’d never really liked blood and after that day in the groves when I was three, I often found myself quite squeamish about it in any form. To see my own staining my Queen’s hand made me feel sick to my stomach. So you can imagine the strange combination of sickness and arousal I felt when my Queen lifted her bloody fingers to her lips and started cleaning them off with her pink tongue as though this was a perfectly normal occurrence.

“Taste,” She commanded holding out her fingers for me.

I bit my bottom lip unable to keep my disgust from showing on my face. She merely laughed and withdrew her fingers. “You’ll just have to believe me then when I tell you, you taste divine.” She went right back to licking her fingers like a cat would clean a bowl of heavy cream.

She swallowed her index finger to the first knuckle and I thought I’d be sick at the sight. It was a strange combination of heady arousal, soreness, and sickness that invaded my senses. I was hers now was I not? I’d given her what I’d never given anyone before, my virginity. My pureness, it was gone from me. She’d ripped it from me but I’d allowed it. I’d allowed her to pluck me like a ripe fruit from the vine. I should’ve been happy about it shouldn’t I? My emotions were all over the place. I wanted nothing more than to curl up into her arms like I had as a child but I knew there would no comfort there. There never was. When she finished cleaning her fingers, she rolled off me laying on her back for a moment before sitting up.

“Get up little one.” She commanded.

I did as she told me to, unable to keep from hissing at the soreness between my legs. She’d really done a number on me.

“You’ll sleep at the foot of my bed from now on.”

My brow furrowed but I forced myself to nod. She made sure I knew I was nothing but her pet after that first night. I laid awake long after she’d fallen asleep just staring at the thick curtains of the canopy of her bed. I had gotten what I wanted, hadn’t I? I still don’t have an answer to that question and I fell asleep that night with tears silently trekking their way down my cheeks.  I had gotten what I wanted; I was the dark queen’s pet. Somehow, I had thought I’d be happier about that title then I was in those few moments. This was my ultimate triumph; I had what I wanted since I was a child. The Queen’s full attention and it was then that I realized what everyone had told me. She would be the death of me. I would die at her feet, the same way the others had but I couldn’t back out now. She’d just kill me quicker.

Funny how that works isn’t it? We think we want something so badly that we cannot function with the thought of not having it and in the end it’s our downfall. It poisons us; killing us so slowly that we hardly notice it until it’s too late. And as we lie there, our bodies slowly giving out we realize just what we could’ve done differently and if we had it all to do over again…no, we’d still make the exact same mistake because we’re only human and that’s what humans do.


	10. Chapter 10

The summer after my eighteenth birthday things took a drastic change. How strange that I can say that truly. Things have never been in my control so why should this be anything different? Ever since that first night with the Queen, I had been serving her in every way she demanded. Sometimes I was her table or foot prop. Other times I was her pet, eating from her hand and purring happily at having her fingers weaving through my blonde tresses.  I was happy…I think. I don’t really remember being sad or anything like that so surely I must’ve been happy right? That’s what happiness is…a lack of sadness…I don’t think I understood even then what true happiness was but I think that was the closest I’ve ever come to it.

Sleeping at the foot of the Queen’s bed was something I was familiar with, it was comforting. I liked my routine and I wasn’t anxious to lose it. But yet again I was reminded that my life wasn’t my own. The Queen was angry that day, I remember. Her fists were clenching and unclenching at her sides as she paced back and forth in front of her mirror. I learned quickly to stay out of her way when she was like this or else I would be facing her wrath. Frankly I had learned what that was like and I had no desire to go through it again.

 

I stayed out of her way that day but I couldn’t help but wonder what had made her so angry. She was speaking to her mirror, when I shifted. I didn’t realize my foot was so close to the table but it was. I tried to catch the small vase full of jasmine and lavender but I missed it. It shattered on the stone floor, making a loud cracking noise that caused me to flinch and drop to the floor immediately. I knew I was in trouble when I heard the Queen whip around. Her footsteps banged against the stone and I flinched with each step.

“Pet,” Her voice was so cold. I felt like I’d freeze to death. “Why did you break my vase?”

I crouched down a little further, trying to make myself as small as possible. “I…I’m sorry…majesty…I…” I stammered out, feeling tears begin to make their way down my face. I knew better than to catch her eye in this state. Why had I? It was an accident but I still knew better.

She was angry, I could see it plainly in her stance. I didn’t dare look up at her face but I knew what it would look like. She’s beautiful all the time but when she’s angry she’s absolutely breath taking. Her cheeks flush and her eyes flash. She bites her lips too so they get a little more plump. All in all, I think she’s at her absolute prettiest when she’s angry.

She kicked at my closed legs and I whimpered feeling the heel of her shoe dig into my thigh. I flinched again when she reached out and grabbed my chin. Tilting my head up, I still kept my head down as she leaned forward. She licked a trail up my right cheek to my eye, tasting my tears. I winced, but didn’t pull away. I knew better. It would only make her angrier. She released my chin but I didn’t let my head fall to my chest as I was tempted to. I knew what was coming after all.

She struck quickly but with enough force to knock me completely off balance. My body hit the floor with a dull thud. The Queen turned away and I gasped as I sat up. My hand touched above my eye and I gasped as my fingers came back bloody. I looked down, continuing to try and staunch the flow with my fingers only to realize that I had almost cut my eye out on the broken shards of the vase. As is, I’d gotten extremely lucky. I could’ve been blinded. The blood was beginning to drip into my eye though and I closed it, trying to keep my eye from getting any damage. I didn’t know if the blood may have a small sliver of glass in it after all.

The Queen was standing in front of her mirror again, I noticed when I was finally able to focus my one good eye. I whimpered again and turned back to the mess I’d made. The Queen would be angry if I just left it. I stood up and quietly went to the door, calling out to the guard to send up a bucket and a broom so I could get the broken glass pieces up. I wiped once again at the gushing blood. It refused to clot I noted but I kept moving. The Queen would be displeased if I didn’t get the broken remains of the vase up as soon as possible. When I moved back to my place near the glass I slowly picked up the bigger pieces and put them in a pile.

“What is that?” The Queen’s voice echoed in the chamber and I flinched down, dropping the piece of glass in my hand. It shattered into smaller pieces on the stone floor but that didn’t seem to matter.

She was standing in front of me in a flash and I flinched when she made a move to lift my head. I didn’t twist away as I was tempted to do.

“Let me see the damage I wrought.” She murmured her voice strangely soft. It was like warm velvet and despite my blood now staining her hand, I turned and pressed my lips against her palm. She didn’t say a word to my little gesture but the fact that she allowed it was something I didn’t take lightly.

It registered in my brain that the area that had been cut by the glass was cool. The sensation continued and I sighed softly. I didn’t mind the cold. It was something I could grow accustomed to. I watched closely out of my good eye as the strands of purple light wove themselves together over the cut as the Queen’s previously unoccupied hand lingered only a breath away from my face. Her eyes were watching her work closely as her fingers moved ever so subtly. When she was finally done, the pretty purple light faded. I could see it though she wasn’t pleased.

My brow furrowed. I wondered just what was wrong but I kept my palms turned up on my lap. Her fingers tenderly slid along the spot near my eye for a moment. “Clearly we’ll have to keep trying. There is a scar.” She muttered.

I bit my lip, I had a scar? Would that make me unattractive to my Queen? Would she still want me around her? I couldn’t go back to working in the kitchens. I’d just die if she sent me back there. I had been her companion for two years now and I wasn’t anxious to give up my spot to anyone else.  I wanted to keep the Queen’s attention on me as long as possible.

She sighed after a she tried a few times to heal the scar. It wouldn’t go away. I felt tears gather in the corners of my eyes as she pulled her hands away from my face. I just knew she was going to tell me to leave her. She waved her hand and the mess I had made was no longer there. I whimpered, biting at my lip again. I knew what was coming; I would be sent away.

“Go and get cleaned up pet. I have plans for you.”

I blinked and nodded “Yes majesty.” I murmured, my lower lip wobbling as I twisted and began to crawl away. I didn’t know what she had planned for me but sometimes they were things I enjoyed…other times they weren’t. Simple as that but whatever they were it made her happy and that was all that mattered to me.

I stopped for a moment, looking back over my shoulder at her. “Your grace?” I asked softly.

The Queen twisted, looking at me with a silently arched brow.

“Thank you…for trying to heal me…and for not sending me away.”

“You fear leaving me more than anything else. Why is that?”

“Because I’m yours and I don’t wish to belong to anyone else.” I remember even now the floored look on her face.

She always had trouble believing that I wanted to belong to her. I enjoyed it; I craved it, I needed it. Like I’ve always needed her, even now. I loved her with everything that I was back then. If I’m honest, I still love her with everything I am now. I always loved her. I think I always will.

Strange how things like that work. People flow in and out of our lives like water and we never know what they left behind until they’re gone. How foolish we are, to not realize what true treasures we can be to one another. How one word, one action can change the course of our lives forever. I didn’t realize back then that I was beginning to change and so too was my Queen. I didn’t realize so many things that I should’ve, if I had things would’ve turned out differently I think. Or maybe they still would’ve been the same I can’t say. I’m not a seer and I pity the person that has that capability.

Maybe if I had it though I would’ve been able to predict the next set of events that would shape my life in ways I never knew possible. Or maybe I would’ve just worried about them until I couldn’t move a muscle for fear of causing it to happen. Who’s to say?

After I finished cleaning up my face, my Queen came into her bathing chambers. I quietly helped her out of her clothes and into the deep tub. It was fed by an underground hot spring. The water was always steaming even in the dead of winter. And winters were always harsh here. But it was early spring now and winter was a long ways away. Thankfully, I could do without the snow. The cold always seemed to cut through me worse than anything else ever did.

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts as the Queen dipped below the water line. I carefully hung her dress up so it wouldn’t wrinkle and began to fold her undergarments so they could be washed. I’d have to sort through them later to make sure everything was safe to be sent away to the wash but beyond that I wasn’t too worried.

When the Queen came up for air, I was completely mesmerized for a moment. She looked like a mermaid or a siren or some other sort of mythical water creature. The water cascaded down her olive toned skin, pearling little drops that caught the light like diamonds. Her long hair hung down covering her small pert breasts with its thickness. I had spent hours of my life brushing it out for her. I absolutely loved her hair. It was so thick and lush and beautiful. She pushed her hair back over her shoulders and I sucked in a breath feeling my desire for her begin to pulse. She could barely even look at me and I wanted her more than air. The Queen’s eyes caught mine and she offered me a small secretive smile.

“Come here pet.” She held out her wet hand, water falling from her extended limb as she waited for me to join her. I dropped her undergarments and immediately stepped down into the hot water.

The pool deepened as you stepped towards the center and I stopped directly in front of the Queen. She turned her back. “Wash me.” She commanded and I smiled. This was one of my favorite things to do for her. I had always loved taking care of her and this was no exception.

I moved swiftly through the water. I was always happy to use the expensive shampoos and soaps that the Queen enjoyed. The smell of jasmine and lavender filled the air. I moved back towards her quickly almost tripping over my own two feet to try and get to her quicker. I lifted my hands to her thick hair and slowly began to wash her hair careful not to pull it. Though I’d seen the servants pull the Queen’s hair many times, putting into elaborate head piece or style to fit wherever she was going next. I, however, was always careful not to cause her any pain. I lifted the heavy fall of her hair holding it in my hands as I worked the soap through it. When I was finally done, I pulled away stepping back to allow her to dip down into the water.

When she finally came up, she ran her fingers through her hair, shaking the water off. I moved quickly to continue washing her until finally she pushed me away. “Get dried off and get my black velvet dress.”

I nodded, “Yes your majesty.” I slid from the warm water, shivering in the cool air before I quickly grabbed a towel and wrapped it around myself. I stepped out into the outer chambers when I heard a knock at the inner doors. I cocked my head, wondering, who was outside.

I walked to the door and pulled it open blinking when I saw the man standing there. He was dressed like one of the Queen’s high guards, his helmet tucked under his arm. A bow was hung across his back. I cocked my head, staring at him. It took a moment but I eventually recognized him.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

Graham stared back at me for a moment, “Is her majesty here?”

“She’s in the bath.” I answered.

“Then I’ll wait for her.”

He stepped forward and I pushed the door closed a bit more blocking him. “I don’t think so. Her majesty doesn’t like to be disturbed when she’s bathing.”

He stared at me for a moment and I stared back, my jaw setting itself as I dared him to try and move past me.

“Pet,” The Queen’s voice interrupted our stare down. I turned immediately blinking when I realized the Queen was standing in the opening towards her bed chambers.

“Majesty…” I began and she waved a hand.

“Allow the huntsman in. I sent for him.” I blinked, my eyes growing a bit wide, before I finally agreed and moved to allow the “wolf man” as I always referred to him into the room.

“You sent for me your majesty?” He asked as soon as he was past me.

“Yes, I have need of your services.”

The man blinked and cocked his head. I wanted to cry. I couldn’t believe I was to be replaced. The Queen strode forward coming to settle on the chaise lounge. “Drop your armor.” She commanded.

“Majesty, I don’t understand.”

“Do as I say or I’ll do it for you.” Magic crackled in the air around the Queen and I saw the man visibly swallow before he did as she asked slowly shedding the steel that covered his body.

“Pet,” She called to me and I hesitantly came forward.

“Yes your grace?” I asked, trying to hide the tears in my voice.

“Drop the towel and get on your hands and knees.” She commanded.

I blinked my red rimmed eyes at her, not sure what she was doing this for. I didn’t resist though and did as she commanded. I came towards her before I dropped to my hands and knees. By this point the Huntsman was naked as well.

“What are you waiting for?” The Queen asked when neither of us made a move.

“Majesty?” It was the huntsman who spoke.

“Fuck her Captain.” She commanded and I gasped, my eyes going wide.

“Majesty…I don’t…I…” The huntsman stuttered.

“Do as I command.” The Queen’s voice was ice cold.

The huntsman didn’t move for a moment before he slowly crawled towards me.

“Your grace…please…” I whimpered as tears began to cascade down my pale cheeks.

“Hush now pet. Spread your legs like a good girl.” The Queen’s voice was still cold but not nearly as icy as it had been towards the huntsman.

I whimpered but did as she asked. I still couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks. The Queen reached up brushing a lock of wet hair behind her ear as though this was the most natural thing in the world.

She sat forward suddenly and pulled me towards her. She rested my head in her lap and gently began to play with my hair. I immediately calmed looking up at her beautiful face. I blinked when she leaned forward. Her breasts brushed the top of my head but I didn’t mind. In fact I felt more comforted than ever as her small hands slid over my bottom and moved towards my labia. I sighed when I felt her fingers find my clit. She slid her finger back and forth before pulling away.

“Take her.” She commanded. I tensed immediately.

I heard movement and then I gasped. It hurt. It hurt almost as badly as when her majesty had taken my virginity. The huntsman was as gentle as he could be though I suppose. I felt every inch of him slide in and out of me as the tears began to pour down my cheeks again. My inner muscles spasmed around him and I couldn’t focus on anything but the feeling of him pushing and pulling in and out, in and out. The rhythm was almost hypnotic if one focused on it and not the pain. It still wasn’t pleasurable for me but I could tolerate it if I focused hard enough. In, out, in out. It kept going. I could feel the Huntsman’s hands clenching and unclenching on my hips, bringing me backwards and rocking my forwards. In, out, in out. It continued as the Queen’s hands continued to pet me as though I were her prized possession. I knew I was a possession but nothing about whether or not I was prized and still it continued. In and out, in and out.

I whimpered when I felt him slowly pull out what felt like hours later. I was left wide open feeling as though I was gaping open.

“No, finish inside of her.” The Queen’s voice broke through my soft whimpering sobs.

“Majesty.” The huntsman was out of breath.

“Do as I command. Finish inside of her.”

The huntsman hesitated before sliding back inside me. I bit my lower lip to keep from crying out at the feeling. It still hurt. It didn’t last long after that. A few thrusts and then I heard a grunt and I felt like my insides were being hosed down or something. What a strange sensation.

He slowly pulled out of me; the moment I felt his hands leave my hips I collapsed clutching tightly to the Queen’s legs as I sobbed loudly.

“Leave us.” The Queen’s words barely registered in my brain before I felt her arms come around me.

“It wasn’t so bad now was it?” Her soft voice spoke softly.

I shuddered and sniffled, “Majesty…” I whimpered.

“What is it pet?” Her voice was so silky.

“Please don’t make me do that again.” I managed to get out as I continued to cry.

“I can’t promise you that pet.” She whispered.

“Why your grace?

“Hush now. That’s not for you to concern yourself about.”

I nodded, I’d just have to trust her. Why did the thought make me shudder then?


	11. Chapter 11

I knelt down slowly beside my Queen. She was sitting on the chaise lounge. Her small feet tapped out an impatient rhythm as she stared straight ahead. She was upset about something, agitated. I could see it in the way she clenched and unclenched her fists around her courtly gown. I was never very fond of them though the Queen was certainly resplendent in them. Perhaps it was the big hoop skirts or, the tall collar that still dipped low in the front. Maybe it was her corset, I couldn’t say but I never liked them. Perhaps it’s because I never liked the court either.

Ever since my body began to show signs of pregnancy, the Queen had become lenient with me; spoiling me, as she called it, all the while running her hands over the small bump of my stomach. Today was no exception. As soon as I was settled in front of her, she reached out to pet me. I purred at her touch, unable to help myself I looked up at her adoringly. She didn’t turn her eyes to meet mine until I tenderly moved her hand to my belly.

Her eyes came down to mine and I smiled softly at her. I wasn’t surprised when she smiled back and gently caressed my belly.

“My baby grows every day.” She murmured and I nodded. It was hers, her baby. She always called it that. I never minded. I always thought of this baby as hers anyways and to hear her call it that made me so happy.

“Your child is lucky your grace. To have a mother like you,” I murmured, looking down at her hand that slowly rubbed small circles on my stomach.

The Queen stood up suddenly almost knocking me back. She walked towards the balcony that like most of the castle had the same open windows. The sun was shining that day and my Queen looked radiant as she surveyed her castle’s grounds.  The sun caught the emeralds sparkling in her hair and I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. She looked like a goddess or a mermaid or some other equally beautiful creature.

“You’re to stay confined to my rooms pet.” She said suddenly and I felt my smile drop.

I swallowed and nodded, “Yes, your majesty.” I desperately wanted to ask her why but I knew better than to do that. Even pregnant, she could still find ways to punish me for my insolence.

“Mirror,” She called as she turned.

I shivered at the sight of the pinched face floating in the bluish clouds that crowded the shiny surface.

“Yes, your majesty?” It answered and I turned away. I didn’t like the way its eyes always roved over my body with disgust clearly written on its odd face.

“How close are they?”

“Not even a day’s ride your highness.”

My Queen frowned, “Too close.” She murmured.

My hand moved to my stomach, feeling the muscles jump as my mouth began to water. The wave of nausea hit me quickly. I shouldn’t have eaten that fish, I thought to myself as I felt my stomach begin to move. I swallowed and jumped to my feet quickly running to the Queen’s bathing chambers. Emptying the contents of my stomach into the chamber pot, I barely registered a cool hand on my forehead.

“Pet, I told you not to eat that.” The Queen murmured as she knelt down. The silk of her gown spilled across the marble floor like ocean waves.

“I’m sorry your majesty. I didn’t mean to.” I whimpered, feeling particularly pitiful.

“Hush, you did nothing wrong. I would’ve been angry at you if you had gotten sick on the floor. As is you won’t eat fish anymore. I don’t know why I allowed you to.”

I sat back when I finally felt my stomach settle from its previous rebellion.  “It was my fault majesty.” I said softly. “I thought I could handle it. I should’ve just stuck to the apples and the lamb. Your baby seems to like your apples.” I offered; dropping my head a bit as her cool hand ran over my overheated forehead.

“It is my baby after all. It’s a wonder that he’ll tolerate anything but my apples.” The Queen rose to her feet and I looked up at her.

“It’s a boy your grace?” I asked.

“Indeed.”

I smiled as I watched the Queen slip to her feet. The silk rustled as she waved her hand and a goblet appeared in her hand. “Take a sip of this and see if it helps.” She commanded holding it down to me.

I willingly parted my lips allowing her to tilt the goblet enough that the cool liquid splashed into my mouth. I moaned softly at the taste of apples. Almost instantly I felt my stomach settle. The Queen waited patiently until I turned my head enough that she knew to pull it back. It disappeared into thin air and she continued to walk, leaving me to follow behind her on my knees.

* * *

 

Things were quiet that night at least for me. The Queen had forbidden me to leave her rooms. Something about these people coming and weakness. I wasn’t sure what it was about but I was more than willing to do as she commanded. I was standing in front of the floor length mirror. My hand slid over my slowly growing belly. It wasn’t big, just a small bump really. Like I had eaten too much and my tummy was bulging ever so slightly but it was enough to make the Queen smile every time she saw it and that was enough for me.

Back then I think I was in some sort of trance or something. I didn’t understand what belonging to the Queen truly meant. I knew I would die on my knees before her but I don’t think I truly grasped just what that meant and how it would break every part of me. I look back and it makes me sick to think how devoted I was to her. How I gave her everything I was, offered it up to her on a silver platter and she still did all the things she did to me. She made me as surely as if she’d forged me out of steel herself. But I didn’t know what I know now back then and I was still in love with the idea of her and so I allowed myself to believe my fantasy. That I meant something to her, anything beyond just being another piece of furniture.

I was standing in front of the mirror when the Queen’s inner chamber doors slammed open with a loud boom. I gasped, jumping practically out of my skin at the sound. My heart fluttered in fear. Had someone broken in? Did someone want to assassinate the Queen?

I peered around the mirror frame only to discover the Queen herself striding into the room. The doors slammed shut with a wave of her hand as she strode forward. Her small booted feet sounded like thundering hooves in the silence of the room. I bit my lip as I noticed the thunderous expression on her beautiful face. She was beyond angry and I was finally wise enough to know that it wouldn’t end well for me.

I watched as she moved to the small side table that sat near her big silver mirror. It seemed to be the favorite choice of the floating head as he immediately appeared.

“Majesty,” He began, only to get a glare which cut him off from speaking further. The Queen poured herself a goblet of wine with a shaking hand, her rage barely controlled.

Despite her rage, she did look beautiful. She was dressed in her full court attire. The dress was a beautiful black silk that gathered at her waist and flowed down around her small feet. The full hoop skirt underneath gave it a bell shape. Wearing her silver crown with the black obsidian stones and the silver necklace that looked like a thorny rose bush she was the very definition of Dark Queen.

I bit my lip as I watched her lift the goblet to her ruby red lips. She took a sip before she lowered it. She stared at her reflection for a few moments. I wondered what she was thinking but I was too afraid to speak up. She had been in such a good mood earlier that I couldn’t grasp what had upset her so tonight. I wondered if it was the people the mirror had spoken about earlier. Somehow they had upset my Queen. It wasn’t me, I comforted myself. I hadn’t upset her.

I looked down at my hands that still caressed my belly where her child grew inside me. She wouldn’t hurt me; I had her child inside me. She wouldn’t risk her son. So with that in my mind, I stepped away from the large mirror. But she didn’t notice me. Her eyes were still locked on her own reflection. Suddenly, the goblet was pulled back and thrown as harshly as the Queen could. It slammed into the mirror, shattering it into a millions of tiny shards. The Queen twisted and I noticed the small trail of blood leaking down her cheek from where a tiny shard of the glass had cut her.

Her cold eyes met mine and I swallowed reflexively. They were more alive than I’d ever seen them, burning with a bright fire. I knew I wouldn’t escape unscathed that night. I would be burned as surely as her enemies would.

“Pet,” She smirked and strode forward, her little boots cracking as she moved through the glass.

I swallowed, standing my ground as one hand unconsciously went back to my stomach. “Majesty,” I whimpered. I felt tears begin to course down my face as she moved towards me.

Her hand found purchase underneath my chin as her other hand settled above my own where her child grew. “My baby grows strong,” She murmured.

“He will be a wonderful prince,” I offered, shivering as she leaned forward and slowly licked the trail of tears from my cheek.

I shuddered, my body instantly sparking to life at that first touch. How could I not when I’d been trained to react to her as surely as if someone had been touching an erogenous zone on my body. I took a breath through my parted lips as I felt the silk of her gown press against my naked body. I dropped my eyes noticing the way her breasts heaved in their binding corset and silk prison. How I longed to press my lips against them, to lave them with attention as I moved along the rest of her body. I loved to kiss her and touch her, it was an addiction and I could already feel the arousal slickened my inner thighs.

Slowly she drew away from me and studied my face for a moment. I didn’t meet her eyes, I never did. I wasn’t worthy to look at her unless she told me to. I felt her hand slide from underneath my chin to my hair. I took a breath, releasing it slowly as her hand suddenly clenched around the wheat gold strands and pulled. I gasped as my head went back with her hand. She bent my body backward, my back bowing as far as it could before she pulled me along. Like a rag doll, she threw me on the bed on my back.

I gasped but didn’t try to sit up. I knew what was coming. I spread my legs as wide as I could, not at all embarrassed by how aroused I was. She would be pleased to see it. She always was. That night was different though. Usually the Queen would take her clothes off before she used my body for her pleasures but not that night.

That night, she climbed into bed still wearing her gown. The hoop skirt was removed as was the rest of her undergarments from the waist down but that was it. Her corset and her dress still remained on. Her jewels jangled ever so slightly making a tinkling noise as she moved over me. Finally she settled and I took a breath unable to smell anything but her arousal. The silk of her gown surrounded my face and I barely had time to take a breath before she lowered herself onto my mouth. I swallowed and pressed a kiss to her nether lips loving the taste of her. She still had that apple and spicy taste that I couldn’t get enough of. I was completely addicted to her and I knew it too.

I parted my lips and allowed my tongue to gently caress her soft wet flesh. I strained my ears as I noticed her rib cage expand as much as possible in the bones of the corset. She let out a breathy sigh and I smiled to myself. I was giving her pleasure that was a wonderful feeling. I licked a path from the base of her to the apex before using my tongue to part her wet lips enough to get to the pearl of her pleasure. She groaned above me, the sound slightly muffled by her skirt. I slid my tongue over the hard little nub, slowly but with enough pressure to bring her pleasure. I felt her thighs start to shake around my head and I sat up ever so slightly to continue to put pressure on that little point. I swiped my tongue over and over again along her wet flesh. I pulled away slightly using my tongue to flick at her much like a snake when tasting the air. I heard her hands squeeze the headboard, which creaked under the onslaught. The wrought iron obviously no match for the strength in my Queen’s small hands.

I sucked the wet flesh between my lips, using the flat of my tongue to caress her once more. I heard her take a deep breath, felt her body move across my face and I pulled back using the tip of my tongue on her once again as she rocked her hips ever so slightly against me. I heard a soft cry and her whole body shook as she came undone. I whimpered against her warm wet flesh as I felt her juices spill out of her soaking my cheeks and chin. She fell forward ever so slightly, and I gasped as her body almost suffocated me. I tried to breathe but it was no use. I flailed ever so slightly and she seemed to get the point. She moved quickly off me and I took a deep breath feeling the slight fog clear from my mind. I didn’t move as I heard her get up quietly.

I bit my lip and shifted ever so slightly. My sex twitched with need and I let out a sigh. I had waited for longer for her though and though I didn’t like it, I could endure it. It was easier though before I had the Queen’s child in my belly. Now it seemed as though my nethers twisted more with need for her than ever before. I shifted my hips and then she appeared at my side. I looked up at her grateful as her hands went from fuller breasts to my slight tummy. I groaned as my eyes rolled back in my head. My breasts were becoming so sensitive and so was my belly.

“Get on your hands and knees pet.” She commanded softly and without thought I did as she told me to. It wasn’t often that she put me in this position but I knew I would be here often during the coming spring and fall. The baby was due in the early fall or so they said. I was thankful the summers were mild, the child already made sure I didn’t like heat. I sighed as I felt her hands run over my back. I closed my eyes as my nether regions throbbed at the tender touch. She was so careful with me now that I was beginning to show. I sighed as my back arched like a pleased cat. Slowly her hands trailed down over my buttocks. She gave a tender squeeze before moving lower. I gasped as I felt her fingers slide along my wet flesh. She was teasing me. I shivered before I spoke.

“Please, my Queen.” I gasped as her fingers skirted through my folds. I was already dripping wet.

“Hush now Pet. Behave.” She murmured and I whimpered again.

“Do you need it?”  “Yes, your grace.”

“Will you die without it?”

“Yes your majesty.” I murmured, breathing heavily.

The Queen’s fingers teased along my entrance and I longed to push my hips back. The tips of two of her fingers whispered inside me and I bit my lower lip.

“You’re so wet Pet. I think I could slip my entire fist into you.”

I whimpered. She’d only fisted me once and though I’d loved it, I was so sore for a few days afterwards, I could barely walk.

She smiled, I could hear it in her voice despite the fact that I couldn’t see her. “You liked it didn’t you? You liked having my entire fist in your body.”

“Yes Majesty.” I whined softly as my breasts heaved.

Her soft laughter flowed over me and I shivered once again as my nipples perked. “Majesty,” I whined softly.

“Hush now pet. I’ll give you what you need.” And indeed she did.

Her fingers slid inside me. Two pushing as far into me as they could. I gasped and moaned as my muscles contracted around their length. Her other hand moved underneath me caressing my belly where her son rested. I sighed, happily as my hips moved ever so slightly on their own accord.

Slowly her fingers withdrew and pushed back inside. I gasped as the Queen scissored them inside me, stretching me. I bit my lip as she continued to thrust. My hips moved back and forth meeting her hand but she never seemed to mind. Usually she told me to keep still. Her hand continued to caress my stomach as we moved almost in tandem. She slid another finger inside me and after a few moments another. I gasped, I knew what she was doing. She was going to put her fist inside me again. I whimpered and tossed my head but I couldn’t tell her no anymore than I could tell the rains not to fall.

Slowly, almost agonizing slow, she slid her fist into my body. I gasped at the intrusion, my inner muscles contracting around her hand. She waited patiently before she began to move. In and out, in and out. The rhythm was hypnotizing and I was wet enough that it didn’t truly hurt, just burned a bit. In and out, in and out. I bit my lip as my hips once again fell into rhythm with her fist. In and out, in and out. The rhythm was slowly building as the Queen felt my body relax and give. I let out a soft, breathy moan and I heard her chuckle darkly. A shiver went down my spine as my wetness seeped out onto to her dainty wrist. Despite how small and tiny the Queen truly was there was a lot of power behind her thrusts and I found I enjoyed them all the more for it.

I gasped, feeling the fire in my belly start to move lower and outward. My cheeks flushed with blood as I dropped my head, unable to hold it up any longer and still the steady rhythm of her fist pounding inside me continued. In and out, in and out. I moaned and whined, tossing my head from side to side but the Queen never increased her rhythm.

The heat continued to build and build until I felt like my body was burning a pyre, I screamed as my body tensed and then the waves of the flames crashed over me. I threw my head back, my hair whipping against my overheated skin like a whip. My body shuddered as my inner muscles clamped down around her fist. My arms gave out and I slid forward but the Queen’s hand stopped me from falling on my growing belly. Slowly she shifted me to my side and I whimpered when her fist slid from my body.

I watched through half lidded eyes as she waved her hand and her clothes and jewels disappeared. I smiled sleepily watching as she slid into bed beside me. Ever since we had discovered I was pregnant, I slept soundly by the Queen’s side. Her arms wound around me pulling me back against her. Her hands settled on my belly. I sighed, happily. I liked the Queen’s arms around me. They were comforting to me even if to others they might have seemed possessive. It was what I needed during that time I have to tell myself that often or I’m afraid I may go insane.

Is it wrong of me to miss them even now?


	12. Chapter 12

Giving birth isn’t something I remember all that strongly. They were feeding me juniper seeds and other such painkillers. I think I hallucinated during that time.  I dreamed of a woman with hair black as night and skin pale as the winter’s snow. She was talking to me but it was like she was speaking through water. I couldn’t make out what she was saying but she was staring down at me with a bright smile on her blood red lips. She was beautiful, truly and her eyes like emeralds sparkled as she watched me from above. She was smiling at me, a tender hand stroking my head softly and I felt safe and loved. Was she the mother I never knew? Or was she a fantasy my mind had made up while they continued to feed me painkillers to fend off the pain of birthing the Queen’s child? I didn’t know nor do I truly care. All I knew was she was “there” even if she never truly existed.

When I heard the Queen’s son’s first cry, I couldn’t contain my joy. Despite the pain of the birth, it was worth it I decided. Especially when her majesty swept into the room and took the now clean and swaddled baby from one of the various mid-wives bustling around trying to sew me up or tend to the child after the birth; it was all worth it to see the Queen’s beautiful face light up in a way I’ve never seen before.

 She looked at him in a way she’d never looked at me or anyone else for that matter. I’d never seen a more beautiful smile in all my life. It was obvious to anyone that she loved her son, how could anyone doubt that she didn’t? I watched through half lidded eyes as the Queen turned her eyes towards me for a moment and her nose wrinkled. My own small smile slid from my lips. For a brief moment I wondered if the Queen wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I had never seen her look like that before.  Jane’s words echoed in my mind before I managed to shake them away.

The Queen turned her back and I saw the small shiver go up her spine which was unhidden by the tight blue dress she was wearing. I weakly reached out wanting to draw her back to the bed. I wanted her to smile at me the way she was smiling at her son but it was all in vein. She left as quickly as she’d come, the baby’s cries echoing in the room.

My hand fell back to the bed completely useless now as my eyes fell closed. The pain in my heart was too much for my overtaxed body.

* * *

When I awoke, the sun was setting in the west. I had been asleep for hours. I shifted my weight, wincing at the pain as I pushed myself up.

“Look who finally decided to wake up.” The Queen’s voice echoed in the empty chambers and I turned hopeful to see her once again.

She was sitting in an old fashioned rocking chair, one that looked to be hand carved. She was rocking back and forth, back and forth. Her son was resting on her chest, his head already full of dark hair rose and fell ever so slightly with each breath his mother took.

“Majesty,” I breathed as I fell back against the headboard of the bed. I whimpered softly as it shifted my weight strangely and caused me a lot of discomfort before I was finally able to settle into something resembling a comfortable position.

“You’re a mess pet.” She said softly, in a very matter of fact tone.

I looked down fiddling with the blankets covering me. I felt a few tears leak from my eyes but I didn’t make a move to wipe them away.

“But you did well.” She continued and my head shot up. I stared at her for a moment as she continued to rock back and forth, back and forth.

“Thank you, your grace.” I said softly, feeling reassured.

“Once you feel strong enough, I’ll have a servant help you to the bath. I’m sure you want to wash up.”

I nodded, “Yes majesty.”

“You’ll sleep here for the night.”

I frowned at that. I hadn’t slept alone since I was first taken to the Queen’s bed. How would I sleep without her?

“Majesty,” I began.

“That wasn’t a question pet.” Her voice was firm but not overly harsh.

I squeezed my eyes closed, feeling the tears begin to leak from my eyes again. I had barely left her side in two years; a night would be like an eternity. Was this a punishment? Had I done something to offend her in some way?

She slid to her feet, carefully cradling her infant son. “Rest for a bit and eat once you’ve bathed. I’ll see you on the morrow.”

When the door closed behind her, I felt like the world had stopped. My sun, my stars, and my moon; they were gone. They had left on the trail of her silken skirts.

* * *

The days passed with relative comforts for me. I was allowed back into the Queen’s bed but I was once again regulated to the foot of her bed. Her son, I noticed, was never far from her. The child was surprisingly passive. Often he seemed content to suck on his tiny fist. Sometimes he would kick his little feet but mostly he just stayed in her arms. The Queen showered him with affection, pressing kisses to his little cheeks and forehead, talking to him about everything and nothing. She read to him, sang to him, and various other things.

As the days passed and I healed more and more from the trauma of giving birth, I found myself no longer the center of the Queen’s attentions. A part of me was happy, I wanted the child I had birthed to be loved by the Queen, but for me to be all but replaced by him wasn’t something I had ever desired. The Queen barely lay with me. She barely noticed anything I did. The baby was her sole focus. 

The voice in my head began to whisper during that time. It grew stronger and stronger each day that passed as the Queen pulled further and further away from me. I was in the kitchens one day, since I was now allowed to come and go as I pleased from the Queen’s room, when he appeared in the doorway. It was storming heavily outside and he was soaked to the bone but no one seemed to notice.

Elizabeth looked up from kneading the dough on the large wooden block.  “Graham, were you able to bring back anything from the traps before the rain set in?”

“I managed to kill a few boars. Enough that everyone should eat well tonight.” Graham responded, as he stepped inside.

It was then that I noticed the large grey and white wolf standing at his side. The wolf was so strange, he had one red eye. I studied him as he stared back at me without hesitation. Despite the fact that they were both soaked to the bone, neither seemed truly uncomfortable. I stood up coming around the large work table and kneeling down. I had never seen a wolf up close but I had read about them. They weren’t known to be friendly creatures but this one didn’t seem too terribly dangerous. What harm could it do?

“I wouldn’t get to close to him.” Graham’s soft voice warned as he finally noticed me.

I looked up at him. “Why not? He seems harmless.”

“Don’t let his calm nature fool you, he’s still a predator and he will react to perceived threats accordingly.”

I studied his facial features for a moment before I noticed it. They had the same eyes. The man and the wolf. They were both predators, only the man was the less dangerous of the two because of the Queen.

“As are you,” I murmured softly, sliding slowly to my feet.

He dipped his head slightly but his eyes were still moving. I cocked my head, his eyes never lingered in one place. They were aware of everything going on around him. I suppose in the forest, one must either become the predator or the prey. We all know which one we as humans would like to choose and yet there are those of us that would rather follow than lead. Those that allow themselves to get separated from the herd, allow themselves to be consumed in the jaws of those much stronger than ourselves. I was tired of being someone’s play thing and prey. I wanted to be a predator myself and somehow I knew instinctively that he would help me achieve what I realized I was beginning to want the most, my freedom.

“You should get back to her majesty. I know she’s missing your presence.”

“She barely notices me anymore,” I said, unable to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

His mouth turned downward for a moment as his eyes flashed. I chewed my bottom lip as he stared at me. I wondered what he was thinking. His face was a total blank mask. How was that even possible? Even the Queen who was cold as they come was readable once you’d been around her long term. Her temper was rather infamous at that.

“She likes to enjoy her shiny new toys.”

“Her son is her top priority.” I replied, feeling the need to defend her.

Graham stared at me for a moment. He dipped into a small bow and I frowned.

“Go back to the Queen Emma. You don’t need to be down here in the kitchens scrubbing pots anymore.”

I stared at him as he turned and left quietly, his wolf following at his side. It was then that I noticed the bow slung across his back. I looked down at my fidgeting hands for a moment before I chased after him.

“Huntsman?” I called his title instead of his name. Saying his name seemed too informal.

He paused, but didn’t speak as I caught up to him on the stone steps that I used to run down in my youth. The orchards were beginning to bloom as early spring set in. The summer storm had let up a bit but not much. I shivered in the cold rain but ignored it in favor of speaking to the huntsman. I needed his help after all.

I stopped next to him as the wolf started to pant in the warm sun. “May I ask a favor of you?”

“You barely know me. Why would you think I would grant you a favor?”

“I don’t know. I can only hope you would.”

He cocked his head slightly, studying me before he began to speak. “What sort of favor is it?”

“I know you know how to fight and I want to learn how.”

“The Queen’s pet doesn’t need to know how to fight.” He frowned at me and I flinched at the use of the title I used to be so proud of.

“I want to learn to defend my Queen and her son. In case she is attacked.”

“Regina has magic.” He never hesitated to say her name. “And everyone knows that the most dangerous animal in nature is a mother defending its young. Henry and Regina both will be fine.”

“I still want to learn. No one would suspect me of knowing how to defend the Queen and if she were ever in danger, I would be able to protect her.” I fidgeted with my hands, looking at anywhere but at him.

He studied me for a moment. I shifted my weight from foot to foot. “All right.” He finally spoke and I smiled. This was my chance.

I smiled at him, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“When can we start?”

“Tomorrow afternoon. The Queen has court and the guards will be there and we will have the training grounds to ourselves.”

I smiled and nodded, “All right. I will see you tomorrow afternoon.”

Tomorrow, I thought, things would be different starting tomorrow.


	13. Chapter 13

“What is it you wish to learn Emma?” Graham asked, in his lilting voice as the warm sun beat down on him. The ground was soft underneath his booted feet but he was still able to stand gracefully despite the slipping I continued to do.

“Everything;” I answered with a slight hitch to my voice.

“Everything is a lot. We could be here for years.” He pointed out.

“Sword and archery,” I answered mildly, “everything else can wait.” I looked away and he nodded.

“All right; let’s work on archery first. It’s the easier of the two and I think the Queen may be angry if I bruise her pet.”  He twisted and moved towards a small hut to one side of the practice field before he returned with two bows slung across his broad back along with a quiver of arrows.  He held out one of the bows to me.

“First things first; in order to fight you must know your weapon. Learn the way it feels, learn what it’s capable of and know the different parts of it. It’s an extension of your arm and should be treated as such.”

I arched a brow, “You’re serious? I have to know all the different parts of it? Why? All I need it to do is fire an arrow.” I was beyond confused. What was the point in knowing all the different aspects of a weapon when it was for nothing more than killing?

“You need to be familiar with it. What happens if your weapon is compromised in some way? What if it breaks or bends and you can’t fire it. To fire it would be to kill yourself or someone else in this case and you’ve said this is for the Queen’s protection. If nothing else you must know the signs that something is off and how to accommodate for it.”

I nodded, biting my lip as I traced my hands over the smooth wood. “Will you show me how to make one?”

“I will in time if you wish to learn.”

“I do,” I answered, looking up at him.

He studied me for a few moments before dipping his head. “Let’s start out by looking over your bow. That top part of the bow is called the bow stave.” He pointed it out on his to show me.

I nodded, “Bow stave okay. What is this called?” I asked, pointing to the area where the taut string was tied.

“It’s called the bow nock.”

I traced my fingers over the tightly wound string as he spoke. I had to familiarize myself with this, so I would know what to do if something happened.

“In the middle,“ he continued, “is your grip. This is where you want to hold while you are positioning your bow to fire your arrow.” 

I nodded, my hand falling to the middle of the bow. “Is it necessary to have something here to hold?” I asked, knowing I sounded a bit naive.

“No, but it’s a good idea. You don’t want your hand slipping. You could get hurt or hurt someone you care for.” He explained patiently and I nodded again.

“Now this is the belly of your bow and this area is your lower limb.”

I traced my fingers from the grip downward as he showed me the area. “So what is this called?” I asked pulling the string tightly and hearing the small hum it let out.

“It’s called the string.” He smiled at me and I smiled back.

“Does it have to be so tight?”

“Yes, otherwise you won’t be able to fire an arrow. Now arrows are just as important as your bow. You need to make sure the nock on the arrow is just right to fit into your bow.” He explained the various parts of the arrow and made sure I was familiar with all the parts before he finally agreed to show me how to shoot.

“Now, hold the bow steady that’s it.” He encouraged as I held the bow straight out in front of me. “Bring your arms in a bit and gently pull the arrow back. You don’t want to do this too harshly or you could snap the string and then you’ll really be in trouble.”

I listened closely before slowly drawing the small shaft of wood back.

“You’re pulling it too far back Emma. Like this,” He showed me quickly with his own bow how far to pull the arrow back. “That’s it. Now take a breath and release the arrow as you release your breath.”

My first attempt to shoot an arrow was admittedly something to laugh at. When I released the arrow the first time, it went all of a few feet before it landed in the mud. I was so embarrassed that I almost put the bow down and told Graham I’d never learn it and ask if we could move on but he was nothing but reassuring. I found I liked him all the more for it. He never criticized me, merely encouraged me to give it my best effort.

I found myself smiling more in his company the more comfortable I got around him. The more comfortable I got, the more I was able to focus on what we were doing. That day I didn’t accomplish much but it was something and when I went back to the Queen’s chamber I was pleased to see her sitting on our chaise lounge and not in the rocking chair she tended to favor when her infant son was in her arms.

“Where have you been?” She asked, her cold eyes drifting over my slightly muddied, sweaty frame.

“Majesty, I…” I began.

“You stink, go wash up. And don’t ever let me catch you smelling like this again.” She warned before she stood up.

I dipped into the private bow I’d learned so long ago which was admittedly quite awkward given that I was still dressed. It was easier without clothes on and much more comfortable.

When she was gone, I moved to the bathroom doing as she told me and cleaning up. When I came back, no longer wearing the confining clothes I was only slightly startled to see the Queen in her rocking chair with her son in her arms.

The Queen’s right breast was exposed as the baby nursed quietly from her. I frowned at the sight. Was it wrong of me to feel jealous of an infant?  The Queen was watching the child with a soft, loving expression on her face. When she looked up, the look was gone. I dipped into the private bow, dropping my forehead to the floor glad that she couldn’t see my face from this angle.

I heard the wood of the rocking chair strike ever so slightly against the stone floor.

“You know he’s the first person that’s ever belonged completely to me.” She mused.

I blinked, a feeling of hurt washing over me at her words. I belonged to her; I’d always belonged solely to her. She was my everything; I took a breath letting it out slowly as the tears threatened to course down my cheeks.

“Go back to my bed pet. I’ll be there shortly.”

“Yes, your majesty.” I murmured; I didn’t bother to lift my head. I knew my way around better than anywhere else in the castle.

Days passed by in much that fashion for me. The Queen rarely lay with me and all the while Graham continued to teach me how to operate the bow and how to swing a sword.

“Don’t swing from your shoulder like your chopping wood,” Graham instructed as I fell to my knees again in front of him.

“It feels stronger though, like it’ll do more damage.” I argued.

“You don’t need strength in a sword fight Emma. You need speed. Swinging from the elbow is faster. It is less pressure, yes, but you don’t need pressure to win with a sword.”

I looked up at him through my sweaty hair before I got to my feet. Blowing a breath of air through my lips pushed my hair away from my eyes enough that I could see again.

“Why do I need speed?” I asked as I swung at him again. He side stepped and tapped me on the bottom for good measure to prove his point.

“Because your opponent will try to wear you down. Let him do the attacking at first. It’ll slow him down, make him easier to take down because he’ll grow tired.” He held out his gloved hand for me and I sighed taking it as he swung me up from the dirt once more.

“Do you think we could switch to the bow?” I asked. I was better with a bow, it didn’t require so much physical strength either.

“You’re good with the bow, one of the better that I’ve seen. You need to get as good with the sword.” He released my hand and took a step back.

I sighed, wiping the sweat from my brow. The dust we’d kicked up was mingling with it on my skin and making me itch. I ran my hand through my dirty hair knowing but not caring that I was spreading dirt there as well. He noticed the way my hands shook as I tried to settle back into a defensive position.

“Let’s call it a day Emma. You’re going to collapse if we keep it up.” He remarked resting his hand on his hip.

“I need to keep going. You said it yourself I have to get better.”

“And you will. With time.”

I grit my teeth, glaring at him slightly as I watched him take up an easy position. He waited for me to do the same before nodding his head.

“Again.”

* * *

I gasped as the Queen pushed me down on her bed that night. It was the first time she’d lain with me in four moons. I turned my head, biting my lip as she climbed on top of me. I felt her wet mound settle against my thigh which was growing stronger, more defined by all the exercise I was getting from the training. Unable to resist I brought my thigh up and heard the Queen give a small gasp clearly not expecting it. I risked a glance at her face, noting her flushed cheeks.

I bit my lip before making my decision. I sat up slowly and ran my hands along her sides. “You’re so beautiful majesty.” I murmured, meaning it with everything in my being.

“Am I the fairest of all?” She asked with a smirk across her lovely features. She never changed, I noticed. I sometimes wondered if that was the cost of her magic. Her body would never age.

“You’re the fairest Queen in the world.” I pressed my lips to her collarbone. Usually I was reprimanded for such behaviors. I had been taught to allow the Queen to come to me in her own time, not the other way around but tonight she was allowing me to touch her as I wanted and I greedily took advantage of it.

She sighed, tilting her head back as she exposed her warm honeyed skin to my hungry lips.

“You’ve changed pet.” She murmured as her long lashes fluttered against her soft cheeks.

I pulled back slightly from nibbling her collarbones. I had always wanted to do that.

“You’ve become stronger, more aggressive. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.” Suddenly, her eyes met mine. I was unable to hold her gaze so I looked down at the bed, fiddling with the silk sheets there.

“I…don’t…I…” I stuttered, trying to come up with an excuse.

“You haven’t stuttered in my presence since you were a child. Do I still make you so nervous?”

I shook my head as I felt her small hand cup my cheek lifting my eyes to meet hers.

“Why is it you come in smelling of dirt and peasant sweat?”

“Majesty,” I murmured, feeling my lower lip begin to wobble unconsciously.

“Don’t lie to me. I think we both know exactly what happens when you lie to me.” I shivered, I still bore scars from the one time I had tried.

“I want to learn your grace.”

“What do you wish to learn that I haven’t taught you all ready?” As a child, the Queen had insisted I be taught how to read and write.

“To defend her majesty and her majesty’s son.”

“You wish to be a knight?” The Queen asked and I could hear the laughter in her voice.

I flinched and shook my head. “No, your majesty.”

“Then what do you get out of learning something so barbaric?”

I didn’t speak for a few moments before I finally formulated a reply. “Self-worth, your grace.”

She stared at me before she moved away from my body. “Get out now.”

“Majesty,” I began, feeling tears fill my eyes.

“Leave me.”

I stood up, bowing my head as I began to cry. The Queen ignored me as she moved away leaving me to gather up a set of simple clothes to leave her chambers.

I returned to my old rooms in the servant’s quarters determined to put my rapidly forming plan into action. I knew what I had to do. Her majesty was going to put me away, just like Jane and Graham. I couldn’t let that happen. I’d die without her but I was going to die anyway so why not do it on my own terms?

 Decision made, I went to bed that night with a heavy heart. I knew things would be different with the birth of the Queen’s son and I knew I would only be allowed to keep her for so long but that didn’t stop the longing I felt to be at her side for the rest of my life. If my plan failed, I wouldn’t live that long. She’d see to that. If I succeeded there was no telling what would happen but anything beat letting the Queen send me back to the kitchens. I wouldn’t be able to survive seeing someone else in my place. I don’t know how Jane or Graham did it to be honest. I could barely function with the thought of another touching my Queen let alone taking my place in her bed.

Those thoughts would drive me on towards madness or sanity I don’t know which. All I know was that something had to be done. One way or another things would change be they for worse or for better.


	14. Chapter 14

Gathering supplies for my plan proved harder than anything I had ever done. I had to work to steal the dark wool cloak from one of the kitchen maids and keep food that wouldn’t go bad too quickly. It was a bit easier than I had previously thought it would be given that the Queen had yet to send for me. With each passing day, my heart grew heavier in my chest. I knew what I was doing could be considered treason and if I was caught, I’d be hung. But I had no choice; I had to get away. I had no choice.

Two weeks passed before I put things in place and made my move. During that time I had studied the changing of the guards; I knew their schedules well. I also knew the times that they locked the door of the servants’ quarters to keep them from wandering at night. I snuck out right before the door was locked and used the cloak I had taken to keep myself hidden in the shadows. I stayed there until the guards moved away and I moved towards the high stonewall. I stayed in the shadows, sliding along the wall before I glanced up. The irony of the situation struck me given that the Queen was standing on her balcony looking out over the lands. My lips parted as I stared up at her. Her long hair was free from its usual encasement. It blew in the wind ever so slightly. I could see that she had her nightgown on but that was it. The stone blocked me from seeing her fully but I imagined her feet were bare. She was beautiful, absolutely beautiful, and I took my strength from just seeing her. It was going to be hard I knew but I had to do it. Or so I told myself.

Her fingers trailed along the stone as she turned and walked back inside. I knew that image would be my strength in the coming days. And indeed I looked back on it plenty. My Queen was at her most beautiful late at night in the moonlight. I waited patiently as the guards changed before I made my move. Slipping through the gates was surprisingly easy, I made my way along the walls until I hit the darker parts of the castle and slid away into the trees of the dark forest.

I knew I had to get as far away as I could that night. In the morning it would be discovered that I was missing and I couldn’t take the chance of being caught and brought back. The dark forest had many known dangers, most of which I knew about thanks to Graham. He had told me quite a bit about what to expect and I knew the warning signs thanks to him about what to look for and avoid should the need arise.

I made it through the first night all right. I climbed up into a tree and used the rope I’d stolen to tie myself down so I wouldn’t fall when I fell asleep. It was an old hunter’s trick, Graham had told me. Tie myself up high so something wouldn’t be able to get me. It also worked to my advantage since I was able to stay hidden from sight in the huge trees during the day as well, which I learned quickly to sleep through. I’d hunt with the stolen bow and arrows I’d taken a few days prior to my escape attempt and eat before I continued on my way.

By then I knew my absence had been discovered but parts of my heart didn’t really care about that. Of course saying that I knew I longed for the Queen more than anything. She had been my entire world for most of my life, how could I not really? I dreamed about her every night. I dreamed about the last night I saw her standing on that balcony looking so beautiful it hurt to lay eyes on her. I wanted to be with her more than anything sometimes but I knew that wasn’t possible. I couldn’t return to the only home I’d ever known. Never again would I see the Queen’s beautiful face or lay underneath her again.

I woke up crying to myself some nights. Other nights I was exhilarated at my newfound freedom and wanting for nothing more than for that to continue. I must’ve been traveling for weeks before I stumbled across a small village. I watched it from a distance for a few days before deciding to make my move towards it. It didn’t seem unsafe; I never saw the Queen’s guards anywhere near it.

I was still lingering around the trees that I had stayed in for so long when something out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. I whipped around immediately, my bow out and an arrow notched. The woman’s leather gloved hands immediately went up. Her red cloak caught on a branch with her movement drawing the hood back from her pretty face. I didn’t lower the bow but my eyes did rake over her pretty oval shaped face rather hungrily. I know it may have made me seem like a bit of a savage but I didn’t care. I hadn’t seen a woman since I’d left the Queen’s palace and she had pretty dark hair like the Queen’s though not quite as dark. I liked the look of her immediately.

“Don’t shoot,” She murmured, “I didn’t mean to startle you.” Her voice was soothing but not as low and smoky as I liked. It was still pretty though.

I didn’t lower my bow, nor did I let tension off the arrow I had notched back.

“I’ve seen you lingering in the woods.”

I narrowed my eyes at her but she merely offered me a small smile. “You can come to the village. We won’t hurt you.” She continued.

“How do I know that?” I finally spoke.

“Because you can keep your arrow trained on me though my Granny might have a problem with that. And she has wicked aim with her crossbow.” She offered me another smile to which I hesitantly responded.

“I brought you some food. I didn’t know if you’d eaten or not.” She pointed to the basket she’d dropped when she’d lifted her hands. I hadn’t even noticed it fall to the ground.

“Why would you help a total stranger?” I asked wearily.

“Because I know what it’s like to feel like you don’t belong anywhere and I would never want anyone else to experience that.”

I lowered my bow at her words. We stared at each other with a strange kind of understanding before I darted forward. I grabbed the loaf of fresh baked bread and tore some off with my mouth not caring that I looked like a wild beast while I ate. Some nights in the woods I hadn’t been able to hunt and eat. Sometimes I was afraid the Queen’s men would discover me and I had to go hungry. Sometimes I was just tired of meat and I wanted something different. Other times I was just too tired to make the effort but still I pushed on and now I was here, with this pretty girl in the red cloak.

“Thank you,” I offered as I swallowed.

She smiled again, “You’re welcome. Do you want to come back with me or would you rather stay here? I can continue to bring you food if you do.”

I stared at her for a moment. I hadn’t been caught yet but that didn’t mean I couldn’t be caught if she and the village were under the Queen’s jurisdiction.

“Who’s the leader you follow?” I decided to ask, though it was suspicious. What other choice did I have really?

Her brow furrowed before she spoke. “Queen Snow White.”

“Who?” I asked, cocking my head.

“The Queen of the White Kingdom. Snow White.”

I recognized the name from somewhere but I couldn’t place it right off hand. I wasn’t in the Queen’s territory though and that was what mattered.

“I’ll come with you but I want to stay with you.” I stipulated.

“That can be arranged just fine. Finish your breakfast and then we’ll go.”

I did as she told me, tearing into the loaf of bread quite happily. She led me back to the village though I kept my hands on my bow despite the fact that I kept it lowered. I couldn’t trust anyone after all and my fight or flight response was pinging loudly.

Her name was Red she’d said. I asked if it was for her red cloak and she just laughed and shrugged. I didn’t know what I had said that was so funny but she was pretty when she smiled and her laughter was bell-like and not chilling like the Queen’s.

She talked to me quietly, the entire way towards the small grouping of buildings. She seemed to sense that there was something I wasn’t saying but she didn’t press me. That was one good thing about Red, she never did press.

The first time I met Granny, I was shocked. She was a stout old woman with a lined face and half-moon spectacles. It probably didn’t shock me as much as it should’ve given Red’s warning that I was staring down a crossbow for a good ten minutes before I was finally let inside.

Red took me immediately to her bedroom and closed the door.

“I’m sorry about that. Granny’s a little paranoid.”

“It’s all right, I can understand that.” I was paranoid too so who was I to judge really?

“It’s a small place but you and I can share right?”

I cocked my head and nodded, “Yes, that’s fine. Thank you for being so kind.”

“You look like you had nowhere else to go.”

“I don’t.”

“Then stay here with us.”

I stared at Red as she offered me a soft open smile. I cocked my head as I stared at her for a moment. An internal debate raged inside me before I nodded my head.

“All right; I’ll stay.”  


	15. Chapter 15

Those first few nights with Red were difficult for me. The nightmares plagued me as they did each night I was in the woods.  I would wake up crying and Red would hold me. It was strange, I had never been held by anyone except for the Queen but only when I had been pregnant. I couldn’t remember my dreams but I knew they were about the Queen. Everything in my life still revolved around her even now that I was so far away from her. Red asked me once or twice what I dreamed about but I would shrug her off and she learned quickly that I wouldn’t talk about my past.

Weeks passed and yet I continued to long for the Queen and my home even if I knew I could never return. I had made my bed as they say now I had to lie in it. Sometimes the dreams weren’t nightmares, instead they were sexual. I dreamed of the Queen’s naked body stretched out before my eyes. I dreamed of feasting between her legs, her flavor dancing on my tongue. I would wake up with reddened cheeks and labored breathing. It was after one of those particular dreams that things between Red and I changed.

The Queen had taken me in my dreams. I could still feel her hands and hot mouth on my body. And when I opened my eyes, it wasn’t the Queen that greeted me. It was Red. She wrapped her body around mine and pressed her lips to mine. My body, still aching from my dream, reacted to her. She gave a happy little moan at my response and I moved over the top of her. I wanted her suddenly, more than I’d ever wanted anyone except the Queen.

I pushed her legs apart with my hands not really that concerned that I was being rough with her. She reacted positively to it, nipping my bottom lip with her teeth. I reacted to the roughness immediately. I grabbed her hands, pinning them above her head. She let out a little squeak and pulled her mouth from mine. She offered me a smile and tugged playfully at her hands. I pushed her wrists back to the pillows firmly and she took the hint, keeping them there as I worked to get her night gown up above her hips. She lifted her hips for me, willingly allowing me to practically shred her nightgown in my haste to have her.

I remember keeping my hand on her wrists once I had her nightgown up. She didn’t fight me, in fact she moaned harder especially when I thrust my fingers inside of her. I was rough; I felt a bit possessed. I couldn’t help myself I had to have her but I didn’t want to just take her. I wanted to own her. I wanted to possess all of her body and call it my own. I wanted…I stopped thinking after that. Her body was warm and receptive. She let out these little whimpering moans and her cheeks flushed with blood. Her back arched and her mouth dropped open in a perfect little o.

I watched hungrily as her hips arched up as hard as they could. I knew the way the Queen looked when she was about to come so I knew vaguely what to expect. Unlike my Queen though, Red flushed pink like the inside of a shell. She almost bucked me off too. Then her body began to shake and she collapsed back on the bed breathing hard with her eyelashes fluttering.

She opened her eyes and stared at me in the darkness. I met her eyes waiting to see what she would do. I wondered if she would tell me I had to leave now. She smiled at me though and I found myself smiling back at her.

“That was incredible,” She breathed and I cocked my head.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” She was still panting a bit. She was quite pretty, I don’t think anyone could deny that. I liked her dark hair and her pretty hazel eyes.

“Do you want me to touch you?” She asked as she sat up slightly.

I shook my head. “No, you don’t have to.”

She frowned and I turned away from her.  “I know you’re tired.” I added.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t want to touch you too.”

“I know but I’m…just not…ready for that. I’m sorry.”

“So you can touch me but I can’t touch you?” She demanded.

“Not yet but maybe soon. I’m just…I…”

“Is it about her?”

I flipped around to face her. Her face was open but still hurt.

“Who?” I asked.

“The woman in your dreams. I hear you moan her name sometimes when you’re really deeply asleep. Sometimes you cry for her.”

“I…” I couldn’t deny it. No matter if I wanted to.

“It’s okay. I understand.” Red offered me a small smile.

“You do?” I asked.

She nodded, “It’s all right. Whoever she was hurt you badly though didn’t she?”

I shrugged, keeping my eyes away from her face. I twisted and hunched myself down so I didn’t have to see her pretty, sympathetic face.

“She took it all and left me nothing.” I finally replied.

Her long fingered hand came down to rest on my shoulder and I shivered ever so slightly.

“Is that why you ran from her?”

“I didn’t run.” I denied but the truth was so plainly written in my face. I was glad it was dark and I was facing away from her. The fire had long since died down in the fireplace that dominated the wall opposite the bed we were both sleeping in.

“It’s okay if you did. I know what it’s like, wanting to run away from something.”

I looked back at her. “What are you running away from?”

“Tit for tat. I tell you that and you tell me what you’re running from.” She pressed a soft kiss to my shoulder.

I shook my head, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“All right. You don’t have to then.” Red easily backed down.

I noticed that was a running pattern with her, the longer I spent with her. Things were simple during that time for me. Granny and Red ran a tavern and I helped out where I could. I waited tables, I poured ale. It was better than putting me in the kitchens. I burned everything I touched and I almost caught the place on fire once. We quickly learned that that wasn’t the way to go.

I don’t know that I was truly happy during that time but I was content. Things with Red were good and Granny didn’t seem to mind. In fact in her own gruff fashion she even seemed to approve. She walked in on us once I remember.

It was in the tavern’s back room. Red and I had slipped away while it was quiet and I had her pressed up against the wall. Her legs were wrapped around my waist and I was resting my body on her. Our lips were pressed together when the door opened. We didn’t hear it, so content into kissing each other that the clearing of a throat startled us both. I almost dropped Red as I realized just who was standing behind us. The blood drained from my face as I noticed my brunette counterpart tense up as well.

“You girls need to find a better place to get busy than amongst my food stuffs.” Granny’s voice was gruff but not unkind.

I gasped as Red dropped her legs. I stepped back from her and glanced at her and then at her grandmother.

“Granny,” I began.

“Save it Emma. I already know what you’re going to say.”  She reached up adjusting her half-moon spectacles.

“Granny,” Red said softly as she took a step forward.

Granny shook head. “I already knew girl. You two aren’t exactly discrete.”

We both blushed brightly as Granny eyed us both. “Don’t let me catch you in here again doing that stuff you hear me?”

When she’d extracted promises from both of us, she sent us back out to get our work done. Things were calm and easy during that time for me. Yet I still longed for my Queen. I can’t explain it, the hold she had on me but I knew it was there as surely as I knew the sun rose in the east and fell in the west. It sometimes felt like her hand was wrapped around my heart and she was squeezing as tight as she could. Those days were the hardest. Those were the days I didn’t want to get out of bed. Red was patient with me though. She was so sweet and so loving. I don’t think I would’ve been able to stay away as long as I did if not for her.

Nights were always the hardest for me. I missed my Queen more than anything at night. Sometimes I’d get up after Red had fallen asleep and I’d go outside on the porch and I’d just sit and watch the stars. It was humbling in many ways. All the stars are the same everywhere, I once heard. They will be here when we are born and long after we die. I wondered if my Queen had ever heard that and if she felt small and insignificant looking up at them. Sometimes I’d trace patterns in the stars with my finger.

That night I had traced a crown with my finger out of the stars. I didn’t realize tears were flowing down my face until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at Granny who stood over with a sad expression on her weathered face.

“I know where you came from.” She said softly, without preamble. She never was one to dance around anything.

My heart rate immediately accelerated at her words. I spluttered, trying to speak.

She held up her hand. “I recognized the arrows as soon as Red brought you back to the village a year ago. I know you came from the Dark Queen’s palace. I can only assume you were either a deserting soldier or a slave.”

I tensed up and looked away. “I was neither.” I denied but it was weak and Granny’s pale blue eyes were studying me with their usual sharp edge.

“You were. Don’t lie to me girl, I’ve seen too much to get this old without knowing a thing or two.”

“I…”

“Red may not see it but I do. I see how you tense when people come near you. I see how you flinch with a quick movement from someone. So the question remains who scared you badly enough to make a run for it?”

She sat down in the rocking chair beside mine and laid her crossbow in her lap. She began to rock, the floorboards creaking underneath the chair.

“No one…” I started, only to be cut off again.

“Don’t lie to me. I’ll know every single time.”

I remained quiet for a few moments before I spoke again. “Have you ever loved someone so much but you know that they’re not right for you? That they’ll hurt you, break you as surely as a ship hitting a rocky shore line?”

Granny remained quiet and I continued though my voice hitched haltingly. “I loved…her…so much…but she did…things to me…terrible things and I let her because I loved her so very much…I would’ve done anything for her. I would’ve died for her if she asked me to…I had to be free…I couldn’t do it anymore.”

“So you ran away from the Dark Queen?” Granny knew even though I hadn’t said a word that that was who I was speaking of.

I nodded miserably, feeling the tears continue to trek down my face.

“I heard tale once that the Queen wasn’t always so…black…that she was an innocent girl that had too many circumstances stacked against her to ever come out unscathed.”

I wiped at my cheeks as I listened to Granny’s words. “Do you think there is something of that girl still inside of her?”

“I don’t know. I’ve not seen her in a long time.”

“I wanted her to love me…so desperately…I craved her like I craved air or food. But she’s proven that I don’t matter much to her. She didn’t even send guards after me.”

“Really now? Is that what you think?”

“What do you mean?”

“Emma, she burned the dark forest down. We never knew why but when you showed up I put two and two together. She was looking for you. She can’t touch these woods because they’re under Snow White’s jurisdiction but if they weren’t, they’d be burned too. Nothing would’ve stopped her had Rumplestilskin not put a spell on her halting her from hurting any of Snow White’s subjects or the White Queen herself.”

“What?” I breathed.

Granny nodded, “It’s gone, all of it. She made sure there was no place left for you to hide in her Kingdom.”

And just like that, my entire world came to a stop again.

 


	16. Chapter 16

That night I went to bed with a heavy heart. I couldn’t believe it; the Queen had burned down the dark forest. It seemed like some kind of joke or something.  Red barely woke up when I climbed back into the bed we’d shared since I came to stay with her. Instead, she merely mumbled something before curling around me and falling asleep with her head on my shoulder. I stayed up all night that night. I stared at the ceiling until the sun’s rays began to break on the horizon. First, it was light purples and soft pinks that changed to deep reds, oranges and finally bright yellow. I slowly slid out from underneath Red and moved out of the room. I hadn’t even bothered taking off my clothes when I had lain back down.

Granny was awake as usual. I swear that old broad was up before the sun every single day. She eyed me over the top of her half-moon spectacles while sipping from her rough mug of that strange lavender and mint tea that tasted terrible to me but was something Granny seemed to like. The smell always clung to her long after she’d finished the mug each morning.

“You’re leaving aren’t you?” She asked without preamble.

“I don’t know.” I answered honestly.

“If you plan on leaving, you’d best do it now while Red is still sleeping. She ain’t  gonna let you leave otherwise.”

“I know.” I dropped my head as I sat down at the table.

“You know you’re likely walking into a gallows right?”

I nodded, “I know.” It seemed to be the only answer I could give.

“You’re safer here but you aren’t happy.”

“I’m content and that should be enough.”

“But it’s not.” Granny sighed, looking towards the small fire she’d built up in the uneven stone hearth.

“No,” I answered even though she already knew the answer to that particular question.

“Red does love you whether she’s admitted that to you or not.”

“I know she does. I see it in her eyes.” I looked away when I felt Granny’s eyes move over my face. How could I face her knowing what I was about to do? I was about to break her granddaughter’s heart. She’d never forgive me for this; neither of them would. That thought broke my heart more than leaving did.

“Then you’ll understand why if you leave she’ll come after you.”

“You have to stop her Granny. She can’t. The Queen…”

“I cannot stop her any more than I can stop the little star chasing the big star in the night sky.” She shook her head.

“I won’t have her in the line of fire Granny. You have to find a way to make her stay.”

“The only way to make her stay is if you stay.”

“I can’t.” I was desperate at that point.

“You can, you just won’t. Whatever your reasons, whatever the Queen did to you to make you love her like this; she isn’t worth it.”

“You told me she burned the dark forest down looking for me. Who knows what she’s done since then?”

Granny remained quiet before finally speaking, “Many people have fled the Dark Kingdom.”  

“Why?”

“Because the Queen slaughtered three entire villages because she believed they helped you.”

“No one helped me. I got away on my own.”

Granny shrugged. “The Queen is as ruthless as they come Emma. Perhaps you’d better consider what she’s going to do to you once you’re back in her castle. There won’t be anyone there to protect you.”

“There never was,” I sounded bitter to my own ears but I knew it was true. No one had ever looked out for me, no one tried to save me. And by the time someone did, I was too headstrong in my belief that the Queen loved me and that she was deserving of my love in return.

“Even then you’re likely to be hung or drawn and quartered for your actions. Abandonment isn’t something she takes lightly.”

“Apparently since she burned down the forest to try and find me.”

“I don’t think that was her intention.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I think she burnt down the forest because she thought you would be trapped in there. I think she did it because she wanted you dead.”

I frowned at that before I stood up. “I have to go. If she’s slaughtering innocent people, there is no way I’m staying here. I have to go back; no matter what it costs.”

“Even if it costs you your life?”

“So be it. Someone else won’t have to suffer death because of me.” It was the first time I think I’d ever thought of anyone else. My thoughts had always been so consumed by the Queen, that I could see no one but her. I still feel guilty about that honestly. I can’t believe that I could ignore everyone and everything for her.

“You’re a brave little fool Emma.”

“Everyone says that I’m a fool.” I pointed out dryly.

“Well maybe you’d better start listening to them.” Granny said in her usual blunt manner.

I nodded, “I guess I should.” I rose to my feet. “I need to get some things together before I leave.” I said softly.

“It’s already together girl. I did it for you. That leather satchel sitting by the door has some dried meats and a few blankets in it as well as a pair of flint stones and a skin of water. So if you’re going. You’d better go now.”

I offered Granny a small smile. “Thank you. For everything.”

“No need to thank me,” But I could see it in her eyes. The slight mistiness. Granny cared for me in the ways I wished a mother would. She had looked out for me from day one. I offered her a small smile. Granny wasn’t the type of person you hugged. Cross bow bolts tended to prevent that.

I offered her a smile and a small nod. “Will you tell Red something for me?”

“Depends on what it is.”

“Will you tell her goodbye and I’m sorry.”

“For what do you have to be sorry for?”

“I loved her as much as I could but the Queen…” My voice trailed off.

Granny nodded, “She knows.”

I nodded and with a lump in my throat, I made my way out of the small house I’d called home for almost two years.

It took me a few days to reach the edge of what had been the dark forest. During my trip, things had been relatively quiet. I hadn’t seen any sign of Red and I was able to hunt for my meals and when I couldn’t find anything, I had the generous supplies Granny packed for me. I missed them both so much but I knew I had to go back. Up until that point in my life, I had always been selfish. I had wanted the Queen so badly that I hadn’t thought of who I was hurting to get to her. My entire world had revolved around her and I had ignored everyone in favor of her. Including Red and Granny; they were so kind to me and I had repaid them by stepping all over their kindness and returning to the very person they tried to protect me from. But they had also taught me many things and not just about survival. They had taught me about love and sacrifice and kindness; the likes of which I had never seen before. I knew no matter what Granny said they were in danger. Queen Snow White wasn’t a failsafe from the Dark Queen and if she had to rip the world apart to get to me she would. It was that simple really. I was hers even though I’d spent two years of my life sleeping in another’s bed. It didn’t matter, the Queen still owned me body, mind, and soul.

I had a lot of time to think during that time too. I thought about my parents, whoever they were. Surely they must’ve hated me or perhaps I was just born to a family with too many children and not enough food for another mouth. It happened more often than people cared to admit.  I thought about Anne and Jane and even Graham. Anne, beautiful girl that she was, she’d tried to love me. But I had refused her and I’d likely signed her death warrant as surely as if I’d carried it out myself. And Jane; she was flawless. All milk and honey with her golden hair and her white skin. She was beautiful just like Anne and I had treated them both so horribly.

Then there was Graham; I had used him and betrayed him in so many ways. I lied to his face more times than not to get my way. I am sorry for that Graham; truly. You were always kind to me; you never tried to hurt me or do anything to treat me as though I wasn’t worth your time because I was the Queen’s play thing. You were the only true friend I believe I ever had in the Queen’s palace.

And Red; my beautiful, sweet Red. I missed her so much. I missed her scent and her beautiful smile and her dark hair that would tickle my face at night when I curled my body around hers to keep us both warm in the dead of winter. The way her face would light up when her eyes landed on me across the crowded tavern. I think I loved her as much as I could but perhaps that wasn’t enough. I couldn’t let go of the life I’d had before and now I had to pay the price for my actions. I had to face the one person I knew would break every part of me.

The Queen was so many things to me. She was my autumn breeze, my summer storm, my winter snow, and my spring time touch of lush green. She was everything to me and in some warped way I believed I was everything to her. That’s why I had to return; because I wasn’t complete without her. She was the darkest part of me and the one source of redemption in my own twisted desires. I wanted her; I needed her and I believe she needed me too. She needed me to save her from her darkness and I needed her to help me embrace the darkness in myself. We were two sides of the same coin; both so tarnished by life and others that we couldn’t survive on our own. I ought to know, I tried. And I failed. I had to have her back even if she separated my head from my body. For my own sake, I had to go home.

I shouldn’t have been shocked at the damage done to the forest I’d hidden in two years ago but I was. I wasn’t prepared for the sight at all. The land was still scorched. The trees were gone, ashes on the ground. There were no animals no birds, it was dead silent like a grave. In a way it was just that. I stayed on the edge of the dead woods for a day or two before I made up my mind to enter the burned land. I had to go home and I did.

It didn’t take long really; I could see for miles and I saw the patrol approaching. I knew they would recognize me despite the fact that I now had a nice honeyed glow to my skin from days spent in the sun and my hair had lightened itself to a light golden blonde. I was easily recognizable still though and as soon as they spotted me, I knew it was over. I was home; whether I was ready to be or not.

The head of the patrol was a man I actually knew quite well. A man named Claude; he was cruel and hard. He was particularly vicious with those he believed to be beneath him and as her majesty’s runaway play thing I most definitely fell into that category.

I didn’t put up a fight but even then Claude and the scouting party still approached me with their weapons drawn. I dropped the bow I had slung over my back and put my hands on top of my head.

“Well well look who we have here?” Claude’s smile was cold and his gold teeth glinted in the sunlight. There was no shade here; the sun beat down on us heating the men in their leathers and giving the horses a slight foam to their skin as they carried their heavy burdens. The men’s armor glittered in the sun and I wondered not for the first time if I wouldn’t make it back home. If they’d just gut me here and leave me to bleed.  

I shivered at the thought but didn’t speak in answer to his teasing question.

“We’ve been looking for you. The Queen will be quite pleased when we bring you back.” He continued. He made a slight motion with his hand and two guards slid from their saddles. I was shackled heavily despite the fact that I didn’t resist.

“Her Majesty will reward us handsomely for the return of her little whore. I wonder what she’ll do to you? My you’ve all but committed treason against the crown. She’d be well within her rights to have you drawn and quartered.”

I dropped my eyes to the ground but still refused to speak.

“Well at least you learned some manners for her Majesty. Respect for your superiors is something that goes a long way.” The man muttered as he was handed the chain to my shackles.

He pulled me along behind him in much this fashion. I was practically running the entire way though the horses were only walking. We rode hard though I walked all of it. I was exhausted by the time night fell and the looming shadow of the castle I’d once called home stood in the distance.

I was frightened then. I won’t deny it was hard to see that towering stone place that I had once been so at home at. It was comforting in a strange way but in other ways it was terrifying. I was dragged before the Queen that next morning. I was terrified, so terrified in fact that I almost lost control of my bladder at the sight of the Queen’s throne sitting across the room from us.

Claude slammed his meaty hand against the back of my head effectively dropping me to my knees before the empty chair. The Queen hadn’t arrived yet. I whimpered as my knees hit the stone harshly beneath before I shifted and tried to maintain my balance as best I could in the position allotted me. The chains didn’t allow for much movement.

The door opened and I squeezed my eyes shut but I couldn’t shut my ears. It was deathly silent for a moment until the sounds of silk swishing across the polished stone floor sounded. The click of heels resounded, creating a dull thudding in my ears. I opened my eyes and there she stood before me. My sun, my moon, and my stars. She was exactly as I remembered her. Her thick black hair was plaited in an elaborate design held up by elegant combs. Her silver tiara was nestled tightly against her head, the blood red rubies reminding me of Red’s cloak. I squeezed my eyes shut as she approached me with deathly slowness. She was savoring this and she knew that I realized this as well. But it was always more fun for the panther to play with its prey wasn’t it? And I was nothing in that moment but her prey.

The Queen tilted her head, her jewels clicking together as she glided even closer to me. I kept my eyes lowered to her red silken skirts. I always loved when she wore red; reds and purples were my favorite colors on her. The scent of jasmine and sandalwood filled my nostrils and I inhaled finding myself growing drunk on her perfume. Nothing had changed about her, she was the exact same but I had changed greatly and I knew those changes would displease her more than if I’d spit in her face after she commanded me to do something.

“Is that any way to greet your Queen pet?” She asked, her voice sugary sweet but still holding those cold commanding notes of authority that I was used to.

I shook my head with a slight grimace. She had noticed my behavior and was clearly offended by it.

“Well? I’m waiting and we both know what happens when I tire of waiting.” She tapped her little booted foot and I took a breath through my nose. Her perfume was comforting in some strange way.  I released it before I folded my body downwards so that my lips were level with the hem of her skirt. I pressed my lips against the fabric a few times before I pulled away. Her little booted foot came up and I gasped when suddenly it came down on my neck, pinning me to the floor. I gagged and flailed trying to get away, trying to breathe but she wouldn’t let up. Instead, she put more of her slight weight on my neck. She was reminding me of my place; I knew but that didn’t stop my body’s involuntary reaction when its air supply was cut as it was. The chains rattled as I tried to move before her weight was suddenly gone.

“Leave us.” She commanded. I kept my head on the floor listening to the clanging armor of the guards booted feet as they moved out of the throne room. Soon it was just us and I wasn’t sure whether this was a good thing or a bad thing. The Queen remained where she was before suddenly she was standing before me again.

Her hand lifted my chin in an almost gentle gesture. I kept my eyes lowered but I didn’t close them. That would’ve been even more disrespectful.

“I should have you hanged for what you did.” The Queen mused. “Or perhaps I should just turn you over to my guards. Let them suck and fuck you. I’m sure you’d enjoy it. After all, you smell like the ones that lay with their pigs.”

I shivered but didn’t say a word. The Queen hadn’t asked me a question and I wasn’t in such desperate need of retraining to know that much.

“Or perhaps I’ll just whip you in the courtyard and hang you up on the wall for anyone to spit on and beat if they choose to. It’s starting to get cold again so you’d best pray you die of exposure before longer than the three days I would give you up there. If you died, you’d be spared from being drawn and quartered.”

I shuddered and squeezed my eyes shut for a moment before I opened them.

“Do you know I’ve spent two years looking for you? Think of all the valuable resources you’ve cost me; not to mention lives of my men. I could’ve had them doing other things but instead they were out riding looking for you.”

I wanted to speak; I wanted to apologize but I didn’t know how to. The Queen wasn’t giving me much opportunity to either. She continued on, rattling off punishment after punishment that she thought would be appropriate for me. Finally though she stopped. She took my chin once more in hand and heaved me back on my feet. With a snap of her fingers my clothes were gone. The cold air hit my skin causing goose flesh to erupt along my body.

“You’re much too thin pet. You used to have such a nice figure. Pity that you’ve given yourself over to menial tasks like hard labor.”

I wanted to hide my body from her eyes; my mind shouted at me to hide my frame but my body reacted like it had been taught. She’d vanished the chains along with my clothes but I knew I wouldn’t be given much movement. Just because they were no longer there didn’t mean they couldn’t hold me tightly. I shifted and planted my bare feet shoulder width apart. I lifted my hands and crossed them at the wrists at the small of my back as my head dropped forward to rest on my chest. It wasn’t the exact positioning she preferred me in but it would do. It would at least show her that I was submissive if not willing to do as she commanded once again.

“And look at your skin and hair. It’s almost as pale as you used to be. Bleached like bones in the sun. And your skin looks like dirt.” She walked around me, studying my body as she called out everything she found wrong.

I wanted to apologize, I wanted to throw myself at her feet and kiss her skirts and beg her forgiveness but there was another part of me, the part that Red and Granny had nourished; a part that wanted me to spit in her face and hold my head high while she gutted me for my actions. I didn’t understand it; I had longed for her every moment of the time I was away. I had wanted her to find me; to bring me back and keep me at her side in irons if that’s what it took. Anything to keep me with her.

I realize that now looking back. All I had wanted, all I had needed was to know that she cared for me. That I wasn’t just a play thing; her little toy to fuck whenever she felt the urge. I think I wanted too much from someone who was so damaged. But still I loved her and if I’m honest I love her still. I think I always will no matter what I do. She’s the darkest part of me and in order to know yourself, in order to love yourself, you have to know the darkest part. She’s the blackness within my heart; the night sky empty of stars and moon. Just endless blackness stretching on forever.

So why does the light crave the shadow? Why does the black crave the white? I was fascinated by her darkness and I think she was fascinated by my light. Two sides, one coin. Day and night to one another and yet we couldn’t survive without each other. I don’t think I can even now; survive without her. I know what that’s like now. And it’s not an experience I’m eager to repeat especially not when having to endure the brutal punishments my actions caused.


	17. Chapter 17

The Queen was harsh and cruel; cold and calculating, a bitch that thought too much of herself, a whore, a sorceress, and any variety of things between.  These were all things I had heard while away from the castle. It was strange to me even then knowing how cold she could be that I still felt the urge to defend her. I still wanted to tear the throats out of those that spoke ill of her. I wanted them pay for their ignorant words; I wanted the Queen to incinerate them without a thought. Even more odd was that the Queen had done exactly that in trying to find me.

She’d had entire villages slaughtered in order to find me. And found me she had but of my own free will. I had returned and I would pay the price for my actions now. The Queen called for the guards who drug me out of the throne room once again. I didn’t fight; fighting was useless and I had a feeling I would need all my strength in the coming days. 

I was marched down to the courtyard where all the servants and guards that worked within the confines of the castle were waiting. Tears began to flow down my face when I was marched up to the large wooden platform that remained in the center of the castle. A thick post stood in the center of it with large black shackles hanging from it. The scent of burned flesh that hung in the air around the thing almost made me choke. Would I burn now? I whimpered and looked back at the Queen who stood on the high steps leading out of the castle.

“My Queen please…” I whimpered, knowing she wouldn’t hear me but perhaps she could see my lips move.

A soft breeze blew across the courtyard. It would’ve been nice on most days but today it blew ash in my face and I did gag then. My cheeks pinked as I tried to catch my breath. My breasts heaved as I tried to breathe through my tears. The guards dragged me towards the post putting my back to the Queen and the crowd as they chained my hands and feet to the post. I whimpered and tried to twist but I couldn’t move. I glanced out over the crowd but I didn’t see any familiar faces. I gulped when I thought of Graham, Jane, and Elizabeth. Somehow, that gave me comfort. I didn’t want them to see me like this. I didn’t want them to witness me die and I was certain that I was going to die. They didn’t bring people here that weren’t going to be burned to death for their crimes. The Queen didn’t believe in simple easy punishments. Deaths were meant to teach lessons; they were meant to keep the rest of the populace underfoot. To remind them never to cross the Queen; I hadn’t ever witnessed an execution. I had witnessed a boy being maimed when I was five but beyond that I hadn’t witnessed any other form of true harm being done to another person.

I could feel the Queen’s eyes wandering over my naked body. I knew she was waiting, savoring the moment before she began to speak. Indeed, I was correct. She waited a few moments longer before she spoke.

“This is a victorious day for us. My guards have more than performed their capable duties of finding and returning what I believed was lost forever. My pet, my runaway pet that had disappeared into the wilderness has since been brought back to her proper place.” The Queen’s cold voice traveled over the silent attendees that would bare witness to my fate.

I squeezed my eyes shut as the tears continued to flow down my face. I wanted to be brave but I was so scared. I didn’t want to die; I never had wanted to die. I still don’t. But the Queen continued on and I was forced to await her verdict.

“There are many punishments I believe she should endure for the pain and suffering she has caused not only myself but all of you. None short of death would be fitting for all we’ve had to endure trying to retrieve her.”

I tightened my grip on the thick post. I could feel the wood splintering and forcing its way into the soft flesh of my palms but I didn’t care. I was going to die anyways.  What did it matter? The Queen’s voice continued to wash over me as her words echoed.

“However that being said I believe a proper punishment should be in order before she’s allowed to die. After all, death is a release from pain and that’s too good a fate for one that has harmed us all so bad.”

I flinched as the Queen’s voice commanded the guards to step away. She’d do this herself; after all she was the one most hurt by my actions. I felt the air move before the loud crack of the whip caused me to almost jump. I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood as I felt it lick a line of fire up my back before it was gone. The Queen inspected her work for a moment before a second blow was delivered. This time lower on my back.

Over and over the whip set fire to my back. It wasn’t long until I was screaming with each strike as one after another it broke the welted flesh open. I could feel the blood pouring from my wounds, seeping along and dripping to the wooden platform beneath my bare feet. I tried to undulate my body, move away from the whip as best I could in my chained position but it was no use. My eyes were clouded by tears as the whip continued its vicious trek across the canvas of my back.  I can now say I know what that looks like. Not from my own back of course but having witnessed someone else whipped. It’s pretty in a vicious sort of way. The blank canvas painted with streaks of red.  But at the time I wasn’t thinking about that. I was thinking I’d rather die than endure this pain.

I screamed and screamed. My tears continued to make thick tracks down my cheeks as I sobbed in between the yelling. The whip never seemed to stay in one place. Rather it danced along the torn flesh of my back, cutting deeper into the flesh each time. I was practically catatonic by the time the whip stilled at the Queen’s side.

The chains were removed from my wrists and ankles and I collapsed. They were the only things holding me up now.

“Take her to the dungeons. Have a healer wrap up her back but don’t treat it. She deserves the pain.” The Queen’s words washed over me but I barely heard them. I fell unconscious as the guards dragged my bloody, beaten body through the courtyard and towards the stone stairs that led below to the dungeons.

I was kept in the dungeons for days. The healer, an older man I didn’t know bound my back to keep it from getting dirt in it but beyond that I was given no treatment for the intense pain. I could merely lie on my stomach on the pile of straw afforded me and pray that I would sleep for days. Or that perhaps the Queen would take mercy on me and put me out of my misery. Even breathing was total agony in that state and she left me like that for days.

I was half asleep when the door to my cell was opened. I didn’t move though I longed to turn my head to see who it was. I was lifted none too gently. I cried out as my head lolled, my back throbbed with every movement as the guards made as they carried me none too gently out of the dungeons. The light from the torches caused my head to throb. I’d been in almost pitch blackness for however long the Queen left me there.

The sunlight was even worse when I was brought out into the courtyard once again. I whimpered at the sight of the familiar platform already surrounded by kindling. I was going to burn. There was no way around that fact. I shuddered as I noticed the Queen sitting on a beautiful golden throne that I recognized that had been brought out from the throne room for her. She was wearing her hair up once again, tied up with a variety of small braids that were holding up her small silver tiara with beautifully cut diamonds. Her beautiful gown was a rich midnight blue. It stood out amongst the drab coloring of the army in their black and silver armor.

“Your grace,” I whimpered as I was brought up the steps and set none too gently in front of her on my knees. My back protested the movement but I bowed my head unable to stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks. I didn’t want to die.

“You certainly deserve to be burned for your crimes pet.” The Queen pointed out. “I would be well within the law to do so.”

I nodded but I couldn’t hold back the small sob that escaped my throat.

She leaned forward, her small perfect hands resting on the arms of the gold chair. “Today, however, isn’t your day to die.”

My head shot up and I cried out as my back jarred at the movement.

“What?” I breathed.

“Bite your tongue pet. You will not speak until you are spoken to. Or have you forgotten your manners while you were laying with the beasts of the wilderness?”

I dropped my head again with a whimper but didn’t say a word again. She would punish me worse than she had previously and my back couldn’t handle any more pain.

The Queen sat back, “Bring her out,” She murmured.

I turned as best I could. The thick heavy wooden door opened and two guards stepped out. Held in between their hands, they were dragging…

“Oh god no.” I whined and the Queen’s hand landed on my shoulder. I whimpered, too weak from lack of food and pain to actually fight.

“You see pet, this is what happens when you disobey me.”

I would recognize that red cloak anywhere. I’d seen it after all for the past two years. I twisted looking back at the Queen before I made my decision. I threw myself at her feet, feeling my back tear open at the movements but I didn’t care. I had to make sure Red was saved.

“Please, your majesty, please.” I begged. “Please don’t do this your grace.” I whimpered.

The Queen reached down sliding her fingers through my still pale hair. “Do you know what happens to those that think they can take what is mine?”

 “Majesty, please.” I whined as the tears poured down my cheeks. “Please your grace, don’t do this.”

The Queen studied my face as I stared up at her. For a moment, just a brief moment, I thought I saw something shift in her eyes. There was something there but when I blinked it was gone as though it had never been there.

The Queen sat back before her eyes drifted over the scene as though she were taking in the scenery and not contemplating allowing someone to live or die. She remained quiet for a moment as I looked back over my bleeding shoulder. I felt sick as I saw Red struggle, her cloak pulled over her head as she tried to get away from the man standing near the brush nearby with a large torch. I whined before I looked back at the Queen. She blinked and I held my breath as her ruby red lips parted.

“Light it.” And just like that the world went dark for me.


	18. Chapter 18

When I opened my eyes, the sun was shining on my face. I furrowed my brow unsure of where I was. Then everything came tumbling back into my mind. Tears began to flow down my cheeks as I bit down sob after gut wrenching sob. I couldn't believe it. Red was gone and I was alone once again in the lion's den. I had never seen the palace as that before. It had been my home, not my prison. I was terrified to open my eyes and yet I was too nervous not to open my eyes.

I noticed immediately that I was lying on the Queen's bed. I wasn't at the foot like I usually was when I'd slept there what seemed like an eternity ago. Instead, I was tucked under the silken sheets with my head resting on her goose down pillows. I sat up carefully, wincing as my back throbbed in warning against quick movements. It was then that I heard a small noise.

I glanced over and came face to face with two hazel eyes. I gasped as the small child stepped from the shadows.

"Why are you sleeping in Mommy's bed?" He asked earnestly.

I felt my eyes cloud with tears. My son, the little boy I had left behind was standing in front of me. He was every inch the crown prince I expected him to be. Dressed in finery's that rivaled his mother's, he cut a handsome little figure. Even his boots had low heels just like the prince's I'd seen in paintings and drawings. Admittedly, I haven't been around many princes in my time nor have I been around well hardly anyone that wasn't of lower caliber except the Queen but I expected they looked like the child I'd given to the Queen.

"I…" I stared at him as his little face screwed up.

"You shouldn't be sleeping on the job. Once my Mommy finds out…" But he didn't get a chance to finish his sentence.

"Henry, what are you doing in my bedroom darling?" The Queen's voice echoed as she stepped into the doorway.

I immediately dropped my eyes, making sure the covers were covering every inch of my body. I didn't want the little boy to see what would be inappropriate for those tiny eyes to see.

"Mommy, why is she in your bed?" The child didn't seem to bother biting his tongue on things and judging by the indulgent smile on her face, I figured she didn't encourage him not to question everything.

"Henry, Mommy all ready told you that's her pet."

Henry's brow furrowed as he looked back at me. I swallowed and then he turned back to his mother.

"So she sleeps in your bed Mommy?"

"For a time but she's been very bad so Mommy won't allow her to sleep in her bed for a while."

"Oh…so she's going to be punished?"

"Mommy has all ready punished her for her bad behavior but she still needs to relearn her place and that will be easier without Mommy being so indulgent with her."

"What's indulgient?" He butchered the word as he waited for an explanation of the word he didn't understand.

"It means to be lax or lenient with certain behaviors. You see she ran away from Mommy and that made Mommy very sad and very angry. So Mommy saw to it that she knew how badly she'd upset her."

"Oh, so then why is she in your bed Mommy?"

"Because Mommy believes in being cruel to be kind my love but sometimes Mommy likes to spoil her because it's the right thing to do."

"Majesty," I whimpered as I watched her talking to the little boy. She looked at me for a moment before the child turned towards me as well.

"You hush." He said. "You were bad and you upset Mommy. You gots to be quiet so you don't upset her anymore."

The Queen merely smiled and reached out smoothing a hand down her sweet little boy's face. I felt tears fill my eyes. He looked back at me and I realized he had my eyes. My eyes were staring out of his face.

"Majesty…please." I spoke again.

"Hush pet." Regina said coldly.

"Yes, hush pet." Henry repeated his mother's words in his high pitched little voice.

My lower lip trembled as I closed my mouth. What could I say? I couldn't stand the questions I wanted to ask. I couldn't stand the way both sets of eyes stared at me one in anger, the other with such complicated emotions swirling through them that I didn't know how to respond. I looked down at the bedding as my tears started to flow down my cheeks.

"Henry go back to your room. Mommy will be there shortly to read you a story."

"Are you gonna punish it more?"

He didn't even see me a person, just an object. I wasn't even worthy of being called her. I was merely it.

"Will that make it better for you my love? If Mommy punishes her wayward pet?"

"Yes, Mommy. Your pet should be punished lots."

"Go ahead back to your room my precious little boy. I will be there soon."

"Yes Mommy." He paused in the doorway and looked back at her. "I love you Mommy." He said with such love and devotion in his voice that I cried even harder, staying as silent as I can.

She waited until he was gone to look back at me.

"You passed out pet. You were very naughty."

"Majesty," I whimpered.

"You're lucky you're my favorite. Do you know what the mad queen used to do to pets that ran away?" She didn't wait for me to answer. "She used to break their legs and let them heal so that away they could only hobble. No pet can run when it can barely walk now can they?"

I gasped and turned away at her cold words. "Your highness…please…I'm so sorry…I'll never run again…I promise…just please…please…no more."

"I don't believe you. You said you'd never leave me. Do you remember that night little one?"

I shook my head, "I'm sorry." I whispered again.

"I have never ever let anyone lie to me. I won't start with you. You lied, you deserve what you get pet."

"Yes ma'am. I do." I kept crying.

The Queen waved her hand and I was lifted from her bed. "Since my son comes in this room, you won't be put in here. You'll be put elsewhere. Like I was."

I struggled before I stilled, feeling my back start to rip open. The Queen hadn't healed me. She kept me suspended mid air as she pushed open a painted doorway. It was a rather dusty old hallway. I didn't recognize it. I had never come here before but the Queen seemed familiar with her. She walked with her head lifted high as I floated along behind her completely paralyzed.

The hallway turned sharply at the right corner, going down another. And there in the stone was an alcove with a hip height pillar in the center of it. It looked like a place where a vase or some other form of decoration should be. My brow furrowed as she stepped aside and my body was placed in the alcove so that my feet were balanced on the cool white marble. I opened my mouth to speak but she waved her hand and my voice was gone. My eyes widened as I tried to yell but nothing came out. It was gone.

The Queen shifted on her feet, studying me for a moment before she waved her fingers. I felt the familiar feel of something clasping around my neck. My nipples perked at the cool feeling of metal settling around my neck. I tried to struggle but it didn't make a difference, the collar was anchored to the back of the alcove. It pinned me in place quite easily.

I gasped as I looked at the Queen. I could move my limbs again. I struggled and reached up grabbing at the collar.

"Stop moving." The Queen commanded and my body stilled of it's own violation. It seemed though my mind wasn't willing, my body was still so well trained to her voice and the inflections and tones she used that it obeyed without a thought.

"Drop your hands." The Queen continued and my hands fell to my sides. Tears kept flowing down my cheeks but I remained silent.

"Something's not right…oh yes I know what it is." The Queen flicked her wrist once more and I gasped as I felt cool silk wrap itself around my limbs. It bound my ankles together, it kept my hands at my sides tightly…but it didn't escape my notice that she had left my sex and breasts completely exposed.

"Majesty." I tried to whimper but still not a sound fell from my lips.

"You'll stay here pet…until I have need of you. You'll remain here, nothing more than a forgotten piece of art until I deem it fit for you to be removed. You will only come down to be fed and to do what is necessary for your body. You'll sleep here, you'll awake here, and you'll remain here."

My eyes widened and I tried to shake my head but it was no use, the collar kept me tight and the silk kept my body from squirming around too much.

"Such a pretty little thing you are. It's a pity really that you've been in the sun so much. You used to have such lovely milky skin. No matter though, I'm sure enough time in here and we'll have to color faded to white in no time." She offered a cold, cruel smirk and turned on her heel.

"Goodbye pet. I'll collect you when I need you."

I struggled for a moment before I gave up. It was no use. I was stuck here and I wouldn't leave this place unless her majesty saw fit to make it so.


	19. Chapter 19

I don't know how long I was kept in the alcove before I really noticed it. Out of the corner of my eye, I kept seeing a glint. I was never sure what it was until one day I thought to take a chance.

"Mirror?" I called out hesitantly. My voice had returned a few candle marks after the Queen left.

There was no response. I took a breath, trying to keep the tears from my eyes as I spoke again.

"Mirror?" I pitched my voice a bit louder this time.

"Well, if it's not the dark Queen's wayward little pet." The mirror's low voice spoke. There was an angry edge to his tone and I squeezed my eyes shut knowing that during all my time in the palace, this person despised me the most.

I twisted my head as best I could so that I could see the mirror fully. The pointed face with it's strange goatee stared back at me. I could see the swirling blue smoke beneath it's haunted face.

"Mirror, I know I've messed up badly."

"You hurt her majesty."

"Did I?"

"Are you really that stupid girl? Or has the time in the sun sapped your brain?"

I squeezed my eyes shut. "You aren't the first to call me stupid and I doubt you'll be the last."

The mirror harrumphed but didn't say another word. We stared at each other for a moment before the face yawned.

"Well if that's all for this rather…stimulating conversation…I'll be on my way now."

"Will you show me?"

"Show you what?"

"How the Queen reacted to my departure?"

The mirror cocked its strange head and glared at me. "Do you really think I would violate her majesty's trust like that?"

"I know you saw what happened. Please Mirror, I have to know."

"You have to know? You have to know? Do you have any idea what you did to her? How angry she was, how upset she was. You almost broke her you stupid little girl and I honestly don't understand how or what her majesty sees in you."

I dropped my eyes, "I broke my promise Mirror. And I'm so sorry I did."

The mirror was silent for a few long moments as tears gathered in my eyes and began to flow down my cheeks.

"What did you promise her?" Came the question, I didn't think the damned thing would care to ask.

"I promised her I'd never leave her. I promised I'd stay by her side forever. That nothing could drive me away from her."

"So why did you run from her? Why would you break that sort of promise?"

I was silent for a long time before I finally spoke. "A part of it was jealousy." I answered honestly. "For so long, I was the focus of her majesty's attention and then her son was born and I seemingly ceased to exist."

The mirror snorted, "You truly are a simple little creature."

"It was stupid but I had to know she cared for me."

"She does care for you, a great deal more than I believe her highness even realizes."

I shifted slightly, my weight falling from one foot and then the other. "I didn't know."

"No, I don't imagine you did or do. The Queen is a complicated woman and I know she has many, many secrets."

"If her majesty cared for me…" I began and the mirror shot me a withering glare.

"Her majesty cares for you to the fullest of her abilities to care for someone."

"She cares for her son." I protested.

"That is different and you know it. Her majesty has never had what one would call good luck when it came to lovers yourself included amongst them."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Did it ever occur in that rather simplistic brain of yours that the reason her majesty demanded such a promise from you was because those she cares for leave her?"

"What?" I breathed.

The face glared at me before it rolled its eyes. "Honestly what her majesty sees in you, I'll never understand."

"I don't even know myself anymore." I said feeling rather depressed at the moment. I longed to go to my Queen but I knew I was stuck where I was until such a time as she chose to let me down. I looked up at the mirror.

"Mirror," I spoke softly. "Her majesty, you said everyone she has ever loved has left her. What did you mean by that?"

"I have been with her majesty a number of years and I have seen many things."

"I do believe you are her oldest confidante."

"Indeed though her majesty fails to remember that it isn't just the mirrors I appear in, it's any reflective surface. I've seen things I doubt her majesty wished for me to see."

"Like what?"

"Unlike you, little pet, I do not break her majesty's confidence."

I flinched before I settled back trying to think. I had witnessed much over the years with her majesty, some of which were her many manipulations of people and events much like a master chess player toying with their opponent.

"I wish to know how help her majesty. My actions were wrong and ill thought out. I harmed her a great deal and I need to think of a way to make it right mirror. I intend to stay at her majesty's side for the rest of my life if she'll have me."

"She may not," The mirror interrupted and I nodded.

"That is a fate I rightly deserve."

"Yes it is." The face said with a grin.

I swallowed, the collar cutting into my neck with the movement. "But Mirror if her majesty still cares for me then she deserves for me to do my best to make up for my mistakes and in doing so helping to heal the damage I caused her."

The mirror studied my face for a moment before it sighed. "Her majesty was devastated when she found out you were missing." He said softly. "She barely ate, she barely slept. She did everything in her power to find you."

"I heard tale that she burnt down the forest. Then I witnessed the damage when I came back."

"Yes, she did. She found out that that was how you escaped. She thought you may still be wandering around there lost and smoking you out seemed like a viable option to her despite the fact that some of her Generals told her otherwise."

"What happened to them?"

"Their heads now decorate the wall."

I shuddered at that. There were few things that I couldn't tolerate. Beheading or really any execution was one of them.

"Then that is a fate they deserved for daring to question their Queen."

"Indeed," Even though we uttered those words, I could tell the mirror was as sick at the actions taken as I was. It was a common ground and a turning point for us both. I offered the face a small smile.

"What is your name Mirror? I'd like to call you that instead of your title."

The face softened as it stared at me. "Before I was trapped in the mirror, I was a Genie. I had no name."

"Then perhaps we can think of one. What about Sidney? Sidney Glass. It would suit you given your title."

"Sidney Glass." The mirror tried out the name, seeming to chew it around. "I like it." It decided. I offered him a smile. "Sidney." He said again.

"It suits you." I repeated and the head bobbed.

"Yes, it does. And what is your name little one?"

"Emma."

"I know your name. I meant your full name. I've never heard it."

"I don't have one." I answered. "I was never given one when I was born. Elizabeth, the cook, she used to tell me I was an orphan that her Majesty took in because she found me in the forest."

"Her majesty was quite kind to you to bring you home." Though the words were meant to be a compliment, there was something unreadable in his expression.

"Yes, she was and still is. For the most part."

I went quiet for a bit. I wondered if Sidney was still there.

"Sidney?"

"Yes Emma?"

"Is it wrong of me to want her Majesty to love me?"

Sidney remained quiet for a long moment before he sighed. "Emma, I think her majesty loves you as much as she can but she is a very damaged woman and she has been hurt often."

I released a breath. "And I added to her hurt."

"She's also hurt you. So I suppose that goes both ways."

"Yes, she has done things to me that I abhor but I still love her and I can forgive her."

"She has never been one to forgive easily nor does she ever forget slight. You have an uphill battle ahead of you Emma if you truly wish to remain with her."

"I don't know what I wish for anymore." I answered honestly. "I wish for our relationship to change but I still fear that and I want it to be what it was before. But I'm not that person anymore. I'm not that innocent little girl simpering at her feet, begging for her touch and kiss."

"What do you wish for the Queen to do Emma?"

"I wish for her to be mine…as I am hers."

"You cannot own a woman like her."

"I know. She's like a wild mustang. You can't break them, you can only let them be."

"You have a gift for words Emma." Sidney smiled and I smiled back.

"I don't think so. I think I just say what I feel…which has gotten me in trouble in the past."

Sidney nodded, "I am sorry…about your friend."

"Red?" I felt tears prick my eyes all over again.

"Was that her name?"

"Yes," I answered again as my emotions began to choke me a bit. The collar around my neck didn't help either. I forced myself to swallow. "I did wrong by her. I know that now. I wish I had never stayed with her. Maybe then she wouldn't have followed me here and this wouldn't have happened."

Sidney frowned and it looked as though he wanted to tell me something but then he sighed. "You shouldn't focus on that. What's done is done. It's a terrible thing but it's the truth of the matter. Your focus should be on how you survive for I am certain her majesty will see to it you regret every moment you were away from her."

I nodded, "Yes, I know she will. She's all ready began to do that."

"Be careful Emma. You don't know what you mean to her or how you can hurt her. Or how she can hurt you."

I nodded slightly. "I will do my best Sidney."

He smiled softly and faded away in a puff of blue smoke.


	20. Chapter 20

"Mistress," I whimpered the Queen's name as she stepped into view. I wasn't sure how many days had passed while I'd hung helpless in the hallway. Sidney and I talked a few times and he kept me updated on the Queen. I asked about her often, I know how pathetic of me. I couldn't help myself. I still can't.

"Don't think I've forgiven you for your wrong doings Pet." The Queen cut me off with a wave of her hand.

I whined but looked down at my feet. If only she'd give me a chance, I'd show her how sorry I truly was.

"Ma'am…" I whispered. "Please; I made a huge mistake. I hurt you and I can never forgive myself for that. Please, please know that I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"You're lying." The Queen said coldly. "I know you've been cavorting with my Mirror."

I squeezed my eyes shut; I could feel the metal of the collar cutting into my throat. "Majesty," I said softly.

"I didn't tell you to speak." The Queen's voice was like ice. "These past few years have taught you bad behaviors pet. We'll rectify those before you share my bed again."

I nodded as best I could. "I deserve no less majesty. I did awful things to you."

The Queen tilted her head. "You and Henry. You two were the first people to ever truly belong to me. No one could take you both from me because you were mine solely. I was proven wrong; someone could take you from me. You."

"Majesty," I breathed as tears began to pour down my cheeks.

"Hush pet."

"Emma, Emma! Wake up! Emma," A voice was calling to me.

I opened my eyes, "Sidney?" I asked.

"You'd better wake up."

"Her majesty approaches." The mirror was looking at me gravely. So the words, the visit that had all been a dream. Her majesty hadn't come to me. She hadn't spoken with me?

Strange how dreams can sometimes border on truth; the conversation that followed when the Queen finally came to me went very similarly to my dream. Only I woke up before I was able to convince the Queen that I was indeed terribly sorry for the errors I had made against her. This time; she wouldn't even allow me that.

She did take me down from the wall though. She said she had other punishments in mind for me. To make me suffer you see; the way I had made her suffer.

I don't know what else she wanted from me. I had all ready lost everything. The home I had made for myself, Red, the Huntsman, my son. Hadn't I lost enough?

Until that point, I don't think it ever occurred to me just how much of my life hung on her whims. It was so ingrained in me that I didn't know how to function any other way. I still loved her; I don't think there will ever be a time when I don't love her. She was my sun, my moon, my stars; my wind, my trees, my water, my fire. She was everything and I was nothing; merely taking from her bounty as if I dared to hope to own her.

As she began to walk away, I finally got up the courage to speak.

"Majesty?" I called softly. I could barely twist my head to see that she had stopped but she kept her ramrod straight posture and refused to turn to face me.

"I know I hurt you. I know I made you suffer. I wish I could say that I didn't want that to happen to you…but then I would be lying. I wanted you to suffer, I wanted you to hurt," I swallowed past the lump in my throat. "I wanted you to feel something…anything…for me."

"And what makes you think that I have an ounce of feeling for you?" The Queen asked lowly, her heels clacked against the stone floors and she moved back towards the alcove. Her dark eyes met my teary green ones. "What makes you think that you're better than everyone else?"

"I'm yours."

The Queen's upper lip, which had drawn back in a snarl settled. Her usually impassive expression dropped and I saw it for the first time. Confusion, want the need to claim, and yet the yearning for something more.

"I do love you your majesty. I love you more than anything…and that's why I ran. Because I wanted you to love me the way I love you."

The expression faded back to her usual impassive mask. "That's impossible."

"I know," I looked down. "But it doesn't change how I feel and what I wanted…and still want."

"And what is that?"

"Your heart…your heart…for mine."

The Queen studied me for a moment before she turned on her heel and walked away. I heard her footsteps echoing along the empty corridors and with it my heart shattering in my chest. She'd never love me; it was about time I realized it. I came back for this; I did this to myself. I could've stayed away; stayed with Red but now Red was dead and it was all my fault because I was so convinced that the Queen felt something for me, anything at all. I would've accepted it but there was nothing and I had wasted an innocent woman's life with the hope that I would be able to melt the ice-cold heart of the Evil Queen.

"You're a fool Emma," Sidney said softly. "What did you think that would gain you?" He continued.

"And what would you suggest I do?" I snapped.

"You must never confront the Queen head on." He said wisely. "Go at her sideways and you may be surprised at the results. We're not allowed to talk anymore Emma. You must heed my advice now before the Queen has this mirror removed. She'll see any attempt at manipulation on your part but there is one thing the Queen desires above all else. Love; you've offered her your heart. Now give it to her in a way only she can understand."

"Give her my heart?"

"Yes," Sidney stared at her. "Give it all to her and let her do as she will with it."

I nodded, "All right."

The Queen hadn't forgiven me even then but she did order me off the wall. I went back to the kitchens for a while. I worked hard and I didn't question anything anyone asked of me. Elizabeth was gone, apparently she'd died a few months ago. I felt a ping of remorse for the mother figure that hadn't been much of anything really. She had tried in her own way I guess to love me and be there when I needed her but I was so caught up on the Queen I couldn't see anyone beyond that.

Sometimes at night, I'd think about Red. I'd think about the way her lanky frame would wrap around mine and the way she'd put her head on my shoulder. She would snore sometimes, this cute little wheezing sound. I missed it and I mourned that I couldn't love her the way she'd so obviously loved me. I was so blind to everything and everyone. I had my heart set on the Queen and nothing would appease me but her. It made me sick but I began to realize while I was doing all those mindless chores; she had made me that way. She had ensured that I was so dependent on her that I couldn't function without her.

I knew I could place some of the blame on her but I couldn't not take responsibility for myself and my actions. I had run to her with open arms; I had let myself be seduced by her, I let her force a child into my belly. I had let her take my virginity and anyone that I should've held dear like Anne and Red. I hadn't even bothered to ask what happened to the poor girl after she kissed me after all.

As the days bled into weeks and then moons, I grew to resent the Queen. I resented myself too. I hated what she was and what she'd made me into. I hated that I allowed myself to be so weak, so spineless that I never stood up for anything or anyone. That would change I vowed to myself. I wouldn't break not anymore. I was tired to being broken and re-glued together into whatever she wanted me to be. It was time for me to be me whoever that was. I didn't know yet what I was going to become or to whom I would become it but I knew that I wouldn't lay down and let my life be dictated to me anymore. I may not have been much, I was only a girl just blossoming into womanhood really but I wasn't a child anymore and I wouldn't let myself be led like a lamb to the slaughter any longer. I would be the person everyone wanted me to be and maybe I could finally make up for all the mistakes I had made in allowing the Queen to mould me into her perfect pet. It was a nice thought anyways. I didn't know then what I know now and the way that course would change everything for everyone. Including you…Graham…


	21. Chapter 21

I dug my elbow into the bread I was working. The fire crackled near the large wooden table I was using to work. I glanced down before it caught my attention. It wasn't an it though, it was a who. Sage green eyes stared up at me. I frowned at the sight before the small child came around the table. He was dressed in blue fineries with little white boots with heels. His hair was combed to perfection and his cheeks were rosy. His skin had a healthy glow in the firelight and though he seemed to be nervous, given the fact that he was fidgeting and shifting.

"What do you want?" I couldn't help but snap at him a bit. I knew it would get me in trouble and that I ran the risk of being killed for my insolence to the crown prince but I didn't care. Back then I could've cared less if I lived or died.

"Momma is upset. She's been crying." He looked at me so earnestly as though he couldn't imagine me telling him no or that I didn't care.

"That's not my problem kid."

"It is your problem. She's crying about you." He snapped. "I don't like see my Momma unhappy and she is. And it's your fault."

I sighed, "Not my problem." I repeated but I did feel a pang of something. I shut it down quickly though. I was still angry and resentful towards the child I had birthed and the Mother that had raised him.

"But it is. You're her pet."

"Do you know what that means? Do you know what that requires?"

Henry huffed and shook his head, "I don't care. I want you to take care of my Momma the way she's supposed to be cared for."

I slammed my head down on the hard block. The flour jumped up into the air, startling him. He jumped almost as high as the white powder that now decorated my rough frock. "It's not my place to take care of your Mother, your highness." I sassed. "She made her decision when I came back and begged for her to care for me the way I cared for her. Your Mother is cold as ice and dead crazy on top of it." It was the first time I'd ever expressed such a sentiment and frankly it felt good at the time to say it. Looking back, it was the complete wrong thing to say for the events that took shape likely came out of my runaway mouth.

He stared at me with wide eyes for a moment before processing what I said. "I'm your prince." He drew himself up. "And I command you help my Mother."

"Your Mother doesn't want or need my help kid. Why don't you talk to someone who cares?"

"You say that but I don't believe it. I have a super power like Momma has her magic. I can tell when people are lying and you're lying. You care about my Momma you're just too much of a cowart to admit it." He butchered the word but I still knew what he meant. His little fists were clenched at his sides as he shook with anger, glaring up at me with all the force his small body could muster. I recognized that look as one his Mother would take when she was angered.

"So you can stay here and rot but I'm going to help my Momma and you're going to help me do it whether you want to or not. Because I'll tell Momma how you spoke to me and she'll see you hanged for it."

"I don't care what your Mother does to me kid. I could care less if I live or die." It was the truth but at the time I thought it was merely a bluff.

So much of my life had hung with the Queen. My entire being had been shaped by her, molded by her and I had been made into a weak creature that was afraid of my own shadow. I had been so naïve, so stupid. I would never do that again, I had vowed to myself. I would never believe the moon hung with the Queen. Or that she was my sun, stars, sky, and rain. She would become for me what I had been to her; nothing or so I thought at the time.

"You're lying; I can tell." He stuck his bottom lip out as he stared up at me. "You still love my Momma and you're going to help her."

"I'm not."

"You are because I'm your prince and I command it." He snapped. "And I'll make sure Momma makes you pay."

I glared at him and he glared back daring me to give in before his shoulders dropped and his eyes welled up with tears. I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a breath.

"Look kid," I started.

"I love my Momma. And she's hurting and it's not okay. I just don't want her to cry anymore."

I took a breath, my shoulders dropping. "Kid, even if I wanted to help, I can't. She won't let me."

"Come and spend time with me. She'll be upset at first but if she sees me happy, she'll let you stay."

The child was so well spoken for a child of only four winters but then I should've considered his Mother. Everything fell into place with that thought. He was just like her and that thought made me ache.

"And this is going to put me close to her?"

"Yes, because Momma spends lots of time with me."

"I can't do it…but I'll try."

"Just come to my room tonight. Momma allows me to have a glass of warm milk with cinnamon and sugar cookie crumbs in it before bed sometimes if I've done good at my lessons. You bring it tonight."

"This might get me killed." I warned him.

"You said you didn't care so what does it matter?" He crossed his arms, raising his brow like his mother; calling me on my bluff.

I took a breath and nodded, "All right. I'll try but if it blows up in your face don't come crying to me."

"It won't. She'll be happy; I know she will." For a moment, he looked like he wanted to hug me but he refrained likely because of the flour covering me.

"Um…before you come…you might wanna bathe. Momma doesn't like the smell." He explained.

I rolled my eyes, "I've known your Momma a lot longer than you have kid. I remember her likes and dislikes pretty well."

He nodded, "Okay." With that, he turned on his little heels and marched out of the kitchens. I took a breath, tonight was going to make or break me and I wasn't sure what I would prefer.

 

* * *

 

I knocked quietly on the door to Henry's rooms that were right down the hall from the Queen's ever familiar rooms. It was strange; as much as I wanted to reduce her to nothing in her mind the sight of the thick doors made my breath catch in my throat and my heart begin to beat like caged birds' wings against the cage of my ribs. I looked down at the small tray in my hands and the glass resting on it. The warm milk didn't look appealing to me but then I had never really liked the taste. I wondered if the cookie crumbs and the cinnamon helped make it better. I was awfully fond of cinnamon and sometimes as a child I had snuck cinnamon and apple cookies that were often made in the winter months. Elizabeth usually beat me with a wooden spoon for it but it was always worth it to me.

I continued down the hall, noting the guards I passed with nothing more than a passing glance. I didn't recognize any of them but I did recognize the blank looks in their eyes. They were here elite guards and they were completely loyal to her. They would keep the Prince safe should something happen I knew. I wondered what they would do to the person that dared to try and assassinate the little boy. Not nearly what SHE would do to them I knew.

I stopped in front of the thick outer doors and knocked, waiting until they were opened and then I was allowed through the inner doors. I was unprepared for the sight of Henry's opulent room though I knew I shouldn't have been. It was beautiful with rich warm blues and greens. A large pretend ship was built into one corner, it's bow jutting out to allow Henry to play at being a ship captain. The side of the boat was gone and a rope ladder led up allowing the boy up on the ship's deck should he chose to want it. In another corner, a beautifully carved wooden horse stood. I imagined the Queen had enchanted it given the ring that was hanging in the middle of the room and "lance" I noticed sitting beside the horse. The leather of the saddle looked supple and the perfect size for a four year old boy. A large fireplace took up another wall and a beautiful couch and rocking chair stood nearby. I imagined the Queen rocking him there when he was a small child. I wondered if he still indulged in that or not.

I forced myself to continue over the rug strewn stone floors towards the stone stairs that led up into the Prince's bedchamber.

His bed was just as beautiful as the toys I'd seen outside. It was a four-poster thing that dominated the room and dwarfed the little body held within it. It's curtains were drawn back not having been dropped yet due to the cold. It was getting warmer and really that was an unnecessary thing right now.

The Prince was lying on his back, propped up by the pillows. In his lap, rested half a storybook. It was a large leather bound thing with gold leafing letters. I couldn't read it from where I stood but I imagined it contained all sorts of things for a smart boy to enjoy.

That was when my eyes landed on her. Her long thick black hair was down, falling around in thick ringlet curls. She was wearing an opaque black robe and I noted a trace of her calf and her small ankles and feet. She was stunning even then for me. Even though I wanted to hate her and I didn't want to feel anything for her; I still felt desire pool in my belly at the slight show of skin. I longed to fall to my knees and crawl between her legs like I used to. I longed to kiss along her swollen labia lips and dip my tongue into her, to drink her essence. I'm thoroughly convinced it's the nectar of the Gods. Then her dark eyes found mine and I felt like the world stopped.

Her smile was soft but it faded from her beautiful ruby lips at the sight of me. I dropped my gaze and resisted the urge to dip my body into the bow I'd learned so long ago.

"You brought my drink?" Henry asked, breaking the tense silence that had fallen over the Queen and I. "Will you bring it closer?"

"She will not," The Queen's voice cut through the air and I heard Henry groan softly.

"Momma," He said softly. He slid from the bed then and moved towards me. "I'm glad you were the one to bring it to me. Will you bring it for me from now on?"

I kept my mouth closed, unsure of whether or not I should respond.

"Your Crown Prince has spoken to you," The Queen's cool voice sliced into me like a knife.

I squeezed my eyes shut feeling like I was drowning for a moment. "If his highness would like me too."

"I would." Henry offered me another smile before taking his drink from the tray I held and taking a big sip. He smacked his lips before going back to his mother.

"Momma, try some?"

"Henry, you know I don't like cinnamon that much."

"But it's so good Momma!"

She wrinkled her nose, a gesture I'd never seen before. It was unguarded, which the Queen never was in anyone's presence. I won't lie and tell you it didn't hurt to see her acting that way with Henry and not me. That was the kind of thing I had longed for before I ran away.

"No, thank you Henry." Her eyes fell back to me, cold. "Leave."

"Yes, majesty," I dipped into a small somewhat clumsy curtsy before I turned and walked quickly back out of the Prince's rooms. I was stupid enough to linger there. The Queen had made it clear that I was not to linger and so I didn't. It was the first of many encounters like that one that slowly began to reshape the way I viewed the Queen and I think the way she viewed me.


	22. Chapter 22

" _The Winter Solstice represents the rebirth of the sun, which is a particularly important turning point. The night of the Solstice is the longest night of the year. Darkness triumphs; and yet gives way and changes into light."_

I had heard these words as a small child and they continued to stay with me. Even Granny had said something similar on Yule. Yule, the end of the year and the beginning of another; when the God of the Grove became a demon as his grove died from the cold and lack of sunlight. He was always angry from what I can remember. But as the night stretched on and the howling anger reached it's peak so to did the sun break through, alighting the dead grove and making it come back to life. The God then decorates the greenest tree and bonfires are lit and he dances around in happiness as his horns and claws and sharp teeth retreat. He becomes an old man after that with a long white beard. It's then that he's easiest to approach for boons.

Yule wasn't a particular holiday I ever looked forward to. It was strange and dark though I did enjoy the spiced apples and oranges I was given as a child. It was traditional after all.

I remember Granny made these beautiful apple tarts with an orange and cinnamon glaze. I had almost eaten the entire dozen before she'd slapped my hand with a wooden spoon. As I was still in the kitchens, I decided I'd make them. Henry was still doing his best to bring his Mother and I together and so far that proved to be more trouble than it was worth.

I was still a bit angry with the Queen and I think she sensed it, which caused her ire to rise as well. She often sent me away as soon as she saw me coming. I didn't mind though I'd be lying to say I still didn't desire her. I think I always will no matter what she does.

Yule was a strange day that year I recalled. Things that hadn't happened in a long time were happening and things that I couldn't imagine ever seeing…I saw. That night the fires were lit and the trees were decorated. The masks in the shape of the deviled creature and the old man were out and dancing, reveling in the flames and the cold.

As I walked amongst the fires, we were all given the night off, I watched the dancing, I heard the music but I never really gauged what I saw. I was too lost in thought. I don't think I was supposed to stumble upon what I did. I was close to the edge of the fires and I was walking along the river that bisected the land. The river rushed and turned sharply and without thinking I followed the bend. There was a large outcropping of rocks and standing there on top was the Queen in all her glory. She was wearing all black, which was something I hadn't seen her in a long while. In fact the last time I remember her wearing black was when she used to wear the sheer black robe when I was young and I desired her in ways I didn't fully understand but now I'm very familiar with. She was beautiful standing up on that rock with the fire dancing on her face. Standing nearby was a unicorn. I've never seen one up close before but there it was. And she was holding…something red that glowed in her hand. The unicorn nuzzled her arm as though it loved her. She didn't say anything just stared at the heart in her hand.

She took the heart and placed it in a silver and black chest sitting nearby. Tenderly, she closed the lid as though the heart inside was something to be valued. I blinked as I stared at her. She turned and our eyes met. I gasped and stumbled back as the unicorn ran towards me. I shielded my face as I tripped over a raised tree root hitting the ground with a thud and a gasp.

"What are you doing here little one?" The Queen's voice echoed in the strange clearing.

"I don't know." I answered honestly.

"You know it's funny," Whether it was the night or Yule or what, the Queen began to speak to me in ways she hadn't since Henry had been inside me. "I once intended for your fate to be much like this."

"Like what Majesty?" I asked, as my heart began to thunder in my chest.

"Like this unicorn. I hold his life in my hands. His every action, reaction, thought, emotion, even physical movements are all because I will it."

I blinked at her, feeling my eyes begin to fill with angry tears. "And you hoped to do that to me?"

"I didn't have to. You did it for me."

"You made me this way," I accused softly.

"I did," The Queen agreed. "You were made for me, all mine but you proved you weren't when you ran away." I looked away, the river gushed by silently, black as the night and just as hidden. I forced myself to push off the cold ground, to stand before her even though I was once again looking up at her.

"If you had loved me at all, you would've stopped me before I could leave. I wanted you to stop me."

"You're leaving was inevitable little one." She pointed out softly. She hadn't called me little one in so long; I wasn't quite sure how to function with the term. Back when I had been younger, I had thought it was a sweet term of endearment and it made me love her all the more for it. I had wanted nothing more than to be her little one. Then I wanted to escape the title all together.

"I wouldn't have left if only I knew you cared for me."

The Queen cocked her head, her beautiful face totally unreadable. She twisted suddenly appearing at the base of the rock formation in a cloud of purple smoke.

"You always spoke your mind, I see that hasn't changed. Despite my want to curb your traitorous tongue."

"Then you'd best rip my tongue out your majesty."

"Watch your tone," The Queen's voice dropped to deadly purr. "Or you may just get your wish."

She took a few steps closer and though I longed to step back, keep distance between us, I held my ground. Suddenly her hand was cupping my cheek and I flinched at having her so close. She always moved so quietly even with dead leaves and twigs underneath her feet she was still very much like a panther or another graceful cat of prey.

"You were always my favorite." She said softly.

"You were my everything." I said softly in return.

She offered me a small sad smile. "Why did you come back? You had escaped me."

I nibbled my bottom lip. "I belonged with you; no matter what it cost me."

"Even your soul?"

I closed my eyes and nodded, "Nothing was too expensive a price when you were the prize."

Her fingers slid along my cheek and jaw and then to my hair. She traced her fingers through the tangled blonde locks, which even then I kept. I'd been blonde at that point for so long, I don't think I'd have known what to do with myself if I had gone back to my natural color.

I felt her lips touch mine in such a feather soft touch that I didn't know whether or not I'd imagined it or not. When I opened my eyes, she was still standing in front of me. The unicorn was standing passively at her back. She studied me for a moment before her hand fell away. I immediately felt the loss of her warmth like the sun was suddenly gone. I shook my head, angry with myself for giving into her so easily once again.

"The huntsman told me he'd taught you to fight." She said softly.

I nodded, "I wanted to learn."

"For many different motives. He assured me that you had wanted to learn to protect me."

"And the Prince." I added.

She nodded, "Yet you don't seem fond of my son."

"I wasn't." I shook my head. "He took you from me."

"I wasn't yours to keep little one." She reminded me.

I nodded, "But I could pretend you were mine."

"But I will never be."

"No, and I don't think I want you to be."

She cocked her head, blinking at me strangely before a smile broke out across her lush lips. "You say such strange things…Emma."

I sighed, "I would've done anything to hear you say my name back then Majesty."

She nodded, "I know."

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "I can't go back to what I was."

"I know."

I stepped away from her, turning my head to the unicorn. "He's beautiful."

"He's for Henry."

"I should think he'd like that very much."

"He's been begging me for one for a few moons."

"He's a lucky child to be your son."

"Yes well, I do believe I'm the lucky one."

I licked my lips and nodded, "Good evening your grace." I dipped into a small curtsy before I turned and forced myself to leave her side before I did something stupid…like throw myself at her feet.

"How is it you manage to resist me Emma?" She called.

I paused, "I cannot…it's why I choose to leave."

The Queen's bell-like laughter reached my ears. "Come to my chambers tomorrow…we have much to discuss."

I nodded, "Whatever her majesty wishes."

"Regina, Emma. In private, you may address me by my name."

I gasped but I kept my back to her. I dipped my head in acknowledgement of her words and continued to walk. I didn't want to stay and watch her change her mind…or for me to change mine.


	23. Chapter 23

The next day things were strained for me. I hardly slept that night; I lay awake staring at the stone ceiling in my small room trying to think of anything that the Queen could say or do to make things somehow…right between us. There was too much history…too much blood between us. She had killed Red and likely she'd killed others that had been close to me. I even wondered that night about my Mother and Father. Had she killed them too? Was I really a foundling? Or was I something else. I still don't know the answers to those questions. I often wonder about them…I wonder about the people who may or may not have given me up. I wonder if I would've been loved or if I'd have been despised for my particular brand of proclivities.

All I knew was there was one truth…I was made by the Queen but I wouldn't be broken by her again. Never again would I allow that to happen. When she finally called for me, I was tense and fidgety. I couldn't stop pacing and pushing my hair out of my face. Henry had come down to see me and ask about his Mother as was his new custom. He took one look at me and turned around and walked away. He knew not to push me that day it seemed. If only his Mother had that sort of sense.

When she finally called for me, I thought I was going to pull my hair out by the root one strand at a time. I followed her guards upstairs, that was strange and different. I'd never been led by guards up to her rooms but I suppose she was being more cautious around me then she ever had been before. I was so devoted to her back then I doubted she thought she had anything to fear from me. Now, she knew where I stood when it came to her. I had no doubt though that she could defend herself perfectly well. After all, she had magic. It gave one an edge over others in a fight. The Queen, I firmly believed, if put into a brawl of some sort would fight as dirty as possible to ensure her victory. Mind you though, brawls were so far below her it was strange to even think to put the two in the same sentence.

The way to her rooms hadn't changed. There were still the same menacing statues, the same dark color scheme. The same mirrors and for a moment in each of them I thought I saw a flash of blue smoke. I felt comforted by that. Sidney was still trying to look out for me. I promised him silently that I would some day find out how to return that favor.

When we reached the outer doors of her chamber, I pushed past the guards and walked inside. I wasn't stupid enough though to do that with the inner doors. I knocked on those and waited for the word that would allow me entrance.

"Enter," The Queen's clear, low voice called out.

I pushed open the door and stepped into her chambers. I hadn't been in them since I had left. That was a few years ago but they didn't look any different. I inhaled sharply when my eyes fell on the chaise lounge. She had kept that? It had been, at least in my mind, our special place. As a child, she would pull me into her arms and hold me while she read to me. When I had been pregnant, she'd set me down and run her fingers over my belly and sore lower back until Henry had calmed and my back muscles were no longer screaming in pain. Sometimes after I had really begun to show, she would allow me to curl up as best I could around her with her baby sandwiched in between us. She would run her fingers through my hair and down my chubbier cheeks and she'd kiss my eyelids when they would fall closed. I shook my head, knowing I couldn't get caught up in my memories not in the lion's den. And this was her den and I was nothing but her prey.

"Lost in thought?" The Queen's voice echoed and I jerked around looking at her. "Your majesty?" I breathed, not wanting her to know how she'd startled me.

"You were always so aware of where I was at all times; it's strange to see that's changed…Emma." She said my name softly, her face as always an impassive mask but I had learned to read it over the years. There, in the corner of her mouth, a small twitch. Her eyes blinked a little too fast for a moment.

"I haven't been around you in a long time." I finally offered. "Your majesty." I added.

"Indeed, you haven't. And you're not here for me to punish. You're here because I need something from you."

I tensed immediately, my hand going to rest on my chest.

The Queen studied my face and then down at my hand resting on my chest. I jumped when she started to laugh.

"No, dear girl that's not what I need for you."

"Then what?"

"The huntsman taught you to fight."

"Graham; his name is Graham your grace."

She frowned but dipped her head ever so slightly. "You'll show me your skills today." She continued. "And if I deem them worthy then perhaps there is a better use for you then working in the kitchens…or warming my bed."

I squeezed my eyes shut and looked away. "I haven't warmed your bed in a long time your highness."

"No, you haven't," The Queen's voice was low and sultry and for a moment, just a moment of weakness on my part really, I wanted to drop to my knees and slide underneath her skirts. I wanted to kiss her sex the way I had in the past, lap at her wet folds and drink her nectar directly from its source. I sucked in a breath, feeling my lungs expand and my chest with it. Our bodies were suddenly very close together and I'm not sure if it was my doing or hers even now.

The Queen was watching me and then she pulled me close; pressing her lips to mine. I kissed back hungrily before I pushed her away. "No, no." I said softly. "I can't."

The Queen blinked, her make-up still as impeccable as always though her berry red lipstick was smudged. It was a mask just like the blank look in her eyes. Her dresses and her jewels were adornments for the mask nothing more. Her walls were as thick as the Castle's and I didn't see those breaking down any time soon.

"Well then you'd best get down to the practice yard." Her frown was the only way I knew she was displeased with my need to assert my own dominance in the situation.

I dropped my head, "Yes, your majesty." I turned to leave , taking a few steps from her before I heard her voice.

"Emma," She said softly; I paused waiting for her to finish her thought. "Don't disappoint me."

I dropped my head but didn't reply as I left quietly still feeling as though I bore a great weight on my shoulders. 

* * *

 

I was never a fan of heavy armor. I preferred to be lighter on my feet. To move stealthy and quietly; heavy iron, bronzes, and other such metals didn't really permit one to move through the underbrush of the woods quietly. In fact it was a dead give away of your position. I learned a lot from the hunters in Red's village and from Graham before I had left the Palace. Neither of us ever favored to wear heavy armor that would only bog you down in a fight. Yes, it may prevent a sword from going into your gut but it was of little use if the archer or the spear thrower were good enough or strong enough to spot and shoot through the holes in your armor. There were always holes if you knew where to look. That was one of the first things I was taught when I picked up a bow. As is I was still decent with a short sword but I couldn't really do much with a long, heavy blade. I was strong physically yes but I was very fast on my feet. It was easier for me to maneuver a smaller blade and it was just as powerful due to my physical strength.

I stared at the mountain of a man the Queen had ordered me to fight. He was wearing heavy iron armor and a helm with a thick sword hanging from his belt. I cocked my head as I watched him move towards the ring. The Queen was sitting in her box watching with a detached air about her. I knew it was still apart of her mask after all there were dozens of people here but it still made me uneasy. What if this man killed me? I didn't see you, Graham, but I remember you telling me you were there later. I just wish I had known where you were then. At least it would've felt like someone was pulling for me in that crowd of cold faces.

My hardened leathers creaked as I shifted and moved stepping into the ring. I looked over my shoulder noting the Queen shifted ever so slightly on her throne. Had I not known her as well as I do; I don't think I would've noticed the movements. She was still as a statute and just as a beautiful as the nymphs and other goddesses I'd seen scattered throughout the palace during my time there. I turned to face my opponent.

"I won't take it easy on you because you're the Queen's bitch." He muttered as we approached one another.

"I don't expect you to. Fight honorably and I will do the same." I responded. I heard him snicker before he reached down, his armor creaking in protest as he drew his heavy sword.

I did the same and then we were in movement. I was quicker than he was; that much was obvious. He swung from the shoulder like he was chopping wood and I couldn't help but take notice of the way his sometimes overhead swings would slam down into the dirt when I'd side step out of the way. He was much stronger than me but his armor was slowing him down not to mention he would eventually wear down if he kept up his aggressive actions. I just had to wait for that to happen and hope he didn't get a lucky blow in.

It seemed like I was ducking and dodging forever but there was no sound beyond my breathing and his heavy pants behind his helm in my ears. I was too caught up in what was going on to notice anything about the Queen, which I have to admit was even then a first for me. My opportunity came quickly. He swung at me once again and I shifted out of the way quickly. His sword hit the ground and he didn't immediately lift it. I was a step behind him and he didn't swing around to hit me. Taking a chance, I stepped closer and ducked as he swung the sword around obviously anticipating my movement. I struck out with my short sword, catching the back of his knees through the chain mail. He howled as he crashed to the ground and I twisted, using his distraction to my advantage. He swung wildly with his blade and I kicked my foot out, slamming into his wrist. There was a metallic clang of my boot hitting his armor but it worked to my advantage. The sword fell from his hand and I placed my sword at his throat.

"Enough," the Queen's cold voice echoed across the practice yard reaching anyone in range. "I've seen what I needed to. Come here Pet." I froze instantly. She hadn't called me Pet since I'd left.

I remained in place for a moment before I sheathed my sword and took a few steps backwards. When I was sure my opponent wasn't going to come after me, I walked slowly across the field towards her box. I dipped my head but didn't bow to her. I refused to bend my knees and back like that again. I wasn't her pet anymore after all.

"Come up here, now." The Queen commanded and I did as told jogging slowly to the stairs and coming to stand in front of her.

"My son has taken quite a liking to you. Now that you've proven to me that you won't be completely inept at his protection, you will take on your new role as his protector."

I blinked, I was to be the Prince's bodyguard? I sputtered for a moment before I finally found my voice. "Surely there are others better equipped than I to handle the Prince's protection your majesty."

"Would you not risk your life for my son's?"

I paused; I didn't quite have an answer for that. I had carried Henry inside my body for nine months but I had hated him after he was born for taking the Queen from me. I had yet to truly get over that if I look back on it. That's not to say that I would ever actively seek to hurt him. He was the Queen's son and I may have had my problems with her but I would never take it out on a child even one that I had hated previously. It wasn't his fault but I think back then I was a bit irrational from giving birth and the coldness of the Queen when I had never been on the receiving end of it before.

"He is my son." The Queen's cool voice cut through my thoughts and I glanced up at her. For a moment her mask faltered and I bit my lip. She cared for the boy beyond words. That much was obvious in the way her eyes welled for just a moment and a small smile graced her full lips unbidden. She loved him as much as he loved her I do believe. I still believe they would be joined at the hip if they could figure out a way to make that work. Henry was and will always be a Momma's boy through and through though I think he might kill me for writing such things about him now that he's older.

"I will protect him with my life Majesty."

"See to it that you do. Go bathe and change your clothes. Take your sword. You'll need it. You begin your duty as soon as my son is done with his lessons for the day. We will discuss the details of your assignment tonight."

"Yes, majesty," I answered and turned, walking away methodically without looking at any of the men and women standing around watching this entire thing take place. It was dead silent which was saying a lot given the amount of people. They would hardly look at me but then I kept my gaze straight ahead and moved on.

I would come to find that my new position gave me an advantage but it also put me at a disadvantage. I wouldn't realize that until later. For that moment, I felt at peace. I was no longer the Queen's pet and I was happy with that fact. My life wouldn't revolve solely around her…except it would and I was too foolish to realize it at that time.


	24. Chapter 24

"Hey kid," I greeted as the Prince scooted towards me. He grinned up at me and bounced on the balls of his feet. Something had him excited; I found myself smiling down at him unbidden.

In private we were Kid and Emma respectively. In the presence of others, we were your highness or his majesty and guard.

"Guess what Emma? Guess, guess!" He encouraged as he grabbed my arm and practically dragged me around the hedge maze of the extensive gardens. When he pouted enough, he was sometimes allowed to take his lessons out here near his Mother's apple tree. Her majesty loved when she found her son there. It seemed to give her great pleasure to know her boy took as much comfort from the tree as she did.

It had been months since I'd been assigned to Henry's protection. I was his primary guard and in his opinion that also made me his primary playmate. There weren't any children for him to truly interact with beyond the occasional servant's child but the Queen didn't much care for her son being around them, and not for reasons that you would think. Once he'd been "sword fighting" with the butcher's boy; they had gotten a little too rough and Henry had thrown a punch before I or anyone else could stop him. For such a little thing, he had quite a hard fist. He broke the poor child's nose. The Queen had been furious at his actions. She had punished him herself and made him apologize to the boy though I saw it broke her heart to have to treat her son so harshly.

I had learned quite a bit more about the Queen since I'd become her son's protector. Little things I hadn't taken notice of when I was in her presence previously, became obvious to me. Her eyes gave her away. They gave her away every time. She would try to maintain an aloof appearance and most of the time she was successful but if something truly bothered her, it was in her eyes. They would light up at the sight of her son and they would dim when she had to punish him for his actions. She was a good mother. There was no one that could say otherwise.

"What is it Kid?" I asked, cocking my head.

"Mommy's coming down here to walk with us. She said we might go riding today if she got everything she needed to get done taken care of. Won't that be fun?"

Kid was still trying to get his Mother and I to acknowledge one another but it all seemed in vain. I had no desire to return to my previous position and the Queen seemed to give me the space and time I needed to ensure the safety of her son. It was a strange arrangement and one I wasn't sure I wanted fully but I allowed myself to fall into it.

I was his majesty's companion, guard, and closest friend judging by the way the child didn't hesitate to tell me everything. He was adorable though and I found myself encouraging our friendship. I'll admit even then I knew he was lonely. He had no one but his mother and me and frankly there were some things no kid wanted to tell their mother.

"Oh," I frowned. "Well I'm sure you'll have fun."

His face fell then, "You're coming with us."

"I am?" "Yes, you're my guard and Momma says you should always be with me."

The child adored his mother and believed firmly that her word was gospel.

"I may not always be around Kid." I muttered softly and he eyed me.

"Mommy won't allow that." He stated matter of factly. He even turned his cute nose into the air. He was so certain that his Mother could do anything. It was strange to see so much of myself in him all of a sudden. I used to believe that about the Queen. I thought even death wouldn't take a person if she commanded it not to.

I blinked at him and nodded my head, "Your Mother is a great woman, capable of many things." I was always careful not to speak ill of the Queen. It upset the Prince and me as well.

"Mommy!" The Kid yelled as he shot forward. The Queen was standing near her apple tree, watching us both with her sharp eyes. She'd likely heard our conversation and I wondered if I'd be beaten for the familiarity I held with the Prince.

"Guess what Mommy?" He had his arms wrapped around her legs and was looking up at her adoringly.

The Queen's eyes softened from the hard shards they had been moment's before as she gazed down at her son. Without a word of acknowledgement to me, she knelt slightly and lifted the Prince into her arms.

"What has happened to make you so excited my little Prince?" The Queen asked, her cherry red lips turned up in a small smile.

He giggled and grabbed at one of her dark curls. I watched silently as he curled the silky lock around his little fingers, weaving them easily into her hair, which she never seemed to mind. I remembered briefly how I'd touched her hair when I was younger and how she'd told me not to touch her without permission. I couldn't help the slight shot of jealously that shot through my system. The Kid could touch her whenever he wanted but if I had tried that, I would've gotten in trouble with her.

They spoke quietly as they began to wander through the gardens. I stayed two steps back just as I had been taught to. Henry kept looking back at me, wanting me to join them but I held myself aloof. I couldn't join them even if I wanted to.

Looking back, if I'm honest, I wanted to. I wanted to be apart of that little family. I wanted to pretend the Queen and I didn't have such a complicated history with so much blood and tears between us. I even wanted to acknowledge that Henry was my son as well as the Queen's.

But that wasn't possible and the Queen wouldn't have allowed that anyway. She was Henry's Mother and the only one he needed.

That night, I went to sleep in the small room beside Henry's. It was more comfortable than the room I'd slept in when I was still working in the kitchens. The bed was softer, the furniture not so rough. Even the fireplace was bigger and put off more warmth. I would lie in bed sometimes watching the flames, contemplating. I'd fall asleep that way more often than not. It was then that the dreams started.

I hadn't slept with anyone in almost eight moon cycles. Even when I'd run from the Queen, Red and I had shared a bed after a relatively short time and I had been in the Queen's bed as soon as I fully became aware of my body's wants and needs.

At first they weren't anything particular. I woke up feeling like I'd run a long ways. I was out of breath and my heart was pumping inside my chest. It was then that I'd realize my hand was between my legs and I was soaking wet.

Sometimes I'd relief the pressure, other times I'd let it build. I'd let thoughts of the Queen or Red fill my head with images that always helped get me where I needed to be.

Then the dreams started to get more vivid. Sometimes it was Red and I, other times it was the Queen and I. They shifted and moved. Sometimes I'd be on top of Red. We'd be kissing and touching and then she'd shift or I'd blink and it wouldn't be Red. It would be the Queen and she was looking up at me the same way Red had looked at me. Like I was the most precious thing in the world; like I was a treasure and the only thing in the world she could see. At times, I'd stay where I was and I'd just run my fingers along her cheek, her temple. The Queen would offer me a small smile and I'd smile back at her. When I shifted, she'd moan and I'd dip down and take her lips in a bruising kiss. She'd whimper against my lips but allow me to do as I chose.

She never fought me in the dreams. She allowed me whatever I desired. Sometimes I'd tie her hands to the headboard and I'd touch her in all the ways she'd always touched me. She'd whine and sigh and whimper again as I pressed my lips to her flesh, sliding along her breasts.

Sometimes I'd get rougher; sometimes I'd slap her breasts and watch them bounce and feel her squirm beneath me. She always enjoyed the rough treatment though. She'd arch her back and her eyes would flutter closed. I knew from experience that she was feeling that delicious heavy feeling in her breasts when they became tender and felt bruised from the experience. Other times I'd bite her. I'd dig my teeth into the top of her breast or at her hip or her inner thigh and she'd always arch and moan as though it was the greatest pleasure even better than putting my mouth on her.

And when I finally took her, she'd scream and cry out and beg me to give her what she needed. I'd relish in hearing it even as I slid my tongue along her folds, teasing her mercilessly. I wouldn't let her come in my dreams. I always made her beg and plead until tears were sliding down her pretty cheeks before I'd even consider it and even then I always left her wanting. Something to remember me by, I'd tell her.

Those dreams were the best and worst for me. Sometimes when I'd see the Queen, I'd wonder what she'd look like if I were allowed to do that to her. Every time though I knew that wouldn't happen. She would never allow anyone that sort of control over her. She was too much in control herself to ever give it up but a part of me still wondered…still wanted…what I couldn't have. The forbidden fruit that was the Queen's submission; I'd had her body and perhaps I had what was left of her emotions and her quick mind but I'd never have that. Even if I wanted it like a dying man wants water.

For now I was Henry's guard and confidante. I'd have to content myself with that for a while longer for things were going to take another twist down a road I'd never imagined having to travel.


	25. Chapter 25

"Your Majesty," I offered as I bowed slightly to her.

"You are my son's guard and closest friend dare I say." The Queen began and I frowned but didn't say a word. I wondered if it bothered her that I was so familiar with her son.

"I'm playing host to a series of…people I would rather not see but for the sake of the realms I must."

I nodded, "I will remain at the Prince's side until these…intruders leave."

"You will both stay confined to the Prince's rooms. I won't have him in danger." But there was something else there. Something that told me it wasn't just the Prince she wanted out of danger.

I opened my mouth and paused before I dipped my head. "Of course majesty."

"You're dismissed. Take what you need to Henry's rooms and remain there until I give you notice. I will ensure your meals are delivered and I will be by to see my son and tuck him into bed each night."

"The Prince's lessons…" I trailed off.

"They're cancelled for now. I cannot take a chance of someone notifying my enemies about him. He is my son and he is my weakness."

So are you, I heard the words she didn't say directly but the softening in her eyes when she looked at me remained for a moment before her eyes hardened and became like obsidian once again. I nodded, "Yes your grace." I bowed deeply before turning on my heel and leaving quietly.

I waited until I got back to my rooms before I spoke again.

"Sidney?" I looked at the only mirror in the room that I had tilted away from the bed. It made me uneasy the thought of the Queen seeing what I did in the nighttime when my dreams overwhelmed me.

"Emma, you know I cannot respond that often."

"I know my friend and I'm sorry but I must ask…who are these people that are coming and why is the Queen afraid to let Henry or I be seen?"

The blue face frowned, his eyes looking down and away. I waited patiently for him to give me a response. I had learned not to push Sidney. He was strangely sensitive to that.

"Please Sidney…I only want to protect the Queen and the Prince. I cannot do that if I don't know what I'm up against."

His lower lip trembled for a moment before his dark eyes met mine. The blue fog surrounding his head seemed to swirl before it settled and he was gone. His face being replaced by the image of another.

"Who is she?" I asked even as I studied her face closely. Dark hair with streaks of white darting through it stared back at me for a moment before the woman turned. She had laugh lines around her mouth and eyes but her skin was still quite pale and her green eyes seemed to dance with life and mirth. She was smiling at someone that I couldn't see. Her pink lips moved as she spoke but I couldn't make out the sound. I blinked; trying to recall her face when it hit me…I knew who she was. I saw her once…the day I gave birth to the Queen's son.

"Sidney, you have to tell me…who is she? Why does she look like…me?"

"Her name is Snow White." The voice responded but the image did not fade. "She is Queen of the White Kingdom. She has been for a number of years along with her husband whom she has nicknamed Charming."

"And they are the allies the Queen is seeing?"

"No, they are the enemy."

"They don't seem evil."

"They are. They hurt the Queen very badly a long time ago. She has never forgiven or forgotten. I doubt she ever will. The people that are coming are dangerous in their own rights. At any sign of weakness, they will turn on each other or our Queen. Henry is obviously a weakness for her. Her little boy would be a target if it were known that she had such a soft spot for him."

"He is her heart…" I said softly, looking away. I couldn't help but wish that I was too.

"What about the people coming…these allies? Why would they agree to help?"

"Their desires align with the Queen's to some extent. They believe they can benefit from this war."

"War? That's what's coming?"

"I believe so…I must go Emma. The Queen is calling and if I don't respond."

I nodded, "Go please. I am sorry if I have caused you trouble my friend."

He offered me a wan smile before fading away.

"But you didn't answer my question Sidney…Who is she…really?" 

* * *

 

"I'm bored!" Henry whined as he threw himself back on his bed. "When is Mommy coming to visit?"

"Soon kid. She said she'd be here every night to tuck you in."

"Every night! That's too long! I want my Mommy right now Emma! Go and get her!"

"I can't….I'm sorry. She told me we were to stay confined to your rooms."

"But I'm the Prince and you should do as I say."

I shook my head as he pouted. "Not gonna work Kid. Your Mother is the Queen and she takes precedence over all."

He folded his arms and huffed before throwing himself back on the bed once again. I sighed and ran my fingers through my long hair. It was boring as hell; I couldn't deny it either but I remained vigilant. Sidney had warned me that these "allies" were dangerous and I wouldn't take any chances with the Prince. Henry wiggled around for a few moments before getting up and climbing silently into my lap. My arms went around him and he grabbed my hands comparing his hand size with mine for a few moments before he began to run his fingers along the callouses on my hands. I trained with sword and bow every day, usually early in the morning as the sun came up. It was quiet and no one was about but the kitchen maids. Even then they avoided the training grounds.

Sometimes I'd feel the hairs on the back of my neck prickle like I was being watched but every time I looked around I'd never see a soul. Until the day before the Queen announced that Henry and I were confined to his rooms. I had been performing drills, kicking and pushing my body to its height when I felt the prickle that told me I was being watched. I twisted subtly bringing my sword around as though it were apart of the movement. And then my eyes fell on her. She was standing on the balcony of her rooms; a place I had rarely seen her. She was dressed in her nightclothes with a silk robe thrown over her shoulders. Her feet were bare. I blinked as I lowered the sword. My eyes met hers and held. We stared at one another across the field for what seemed like hours before she finally turned, her dark hair catching in the wind and blowing around her as she walked back inside. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. It was just like it had been the night I had left and yet not at all the same.

I think I understood her in that moment in ways I had never before. She was a hurt, scared creature the same as I but where I had let myself break and become what she wanted; she'd fought back and scratched and scraped her way to the top. She was a schemer, a mother, a Queen….and to me…my other half.

"What are you thinking about?" Henry asked, looking up at me.

I smiled and shook my head, "Nothing."

"How did you get these?"

"Practicing and sparring will give you these Kid." I flexed my hand slightly as he fingers a rather large callous. I had always had such soft hands when I was younger; it still took me by surprise to see how rough and torn my hands got sometimes.

"I want to learn the bow but Mommy says I'm too young. But I want to be able to protect her too! Just like you!"

I smiled sadly. "If your Mother says no, then that's answer enough. You will learn soon enough though I'm sure. Every prince has to learn a weapon."

"You think so?"

I nodded, "I'm positive."

He nodded seemingly satisfied with my answer.

"Will you tell me a story Emma?"

"I'm afraid I don't know any stories Henry."

"Not even one?"

I shook my head, "No."

"Why not?"

"I don't know."

"Did your Mommy not ever read to you?"

I tensed for a moment before forcing myself to relax. "I was a foundling Henry. The Queen found me in the woods as a babe and brought me back here. I was raised among the kitchen maids but I never had a mother of my own."

He frowned, "So my Mommy didn't raise you?"

"No," I shook my head. "That would be mighty strange wouldn't it?"

Henry giggled and nodded, "Yes, then you and my Mommy couldn't be together. You'd be her daughter."

I forced a small smile and nodded, "Yes, you're right."

He puffed his little chest out for a moment before he spoke again. "Emma?"

"Yes?"

"When do you think you and Mommy will be together and get married?"

"Kid, I…"

"I want a sister." He announced.

I was floored, for a moment I thought I'd swallowed my tongue. I coughed before forcing air into my lungs enough that I could reply.

"I don't…I…"

"A little sister would be nice. Then I could protect her so you could protect Mommy. But when I get old enough, I'll protect all three of you." He announced. His eyes were bright and I didn't have the heart to tell him that his little fantasy of a happy family would likely never happen.

I had long ago accepted that my place was not at the Queen's side. I had forsaken everything for her and yet I had nothing to show for it.

"You'll see Emma." Henry promised. "You'll see I'm right and then I'll have my baby sister."


	26. Chapter 26

Three days into the Prince's and my stay in his bedroom, things took a turn for the worse. I had never known the child to be unhealthy per say beyond the occasional cold and such but this was something new to me. He was vomiting and so sick. He couldn't even keep down water and I was growing steadily more concerned for his well fair. I knew if something happened to him; the Queen would never forgive me and I in turn would never forgive myself. So it was with a heavy heart, that I stopped rubbing the boy's back and made my way out of his rooms, looking for his Mother.

I wandered the halls, asking the guards if the Queen was in her rooms only to be told that she wasn't.

I leaned against the wall with a soft sigh, trying to figure out where the Queen may have disappeared. She wasn't in the throne room; I'd all ready been there as well. She wasn't in the gardens; I'd asked the guards posted near the entrance. She wasn't in the parlor or the library. Had she gone out riding? I lifted my head as the thought crossed my mind. It was a beautiful day and if she had the time she would gladly go riding. It made sense that she may have taken her guests with her as well.

I straightened and my eyes met lust-filled blue eyes. I gasped and jerked back surprised at the woman's proximity to me.

"And just who are you?" She asked, her full lips tilting up into a smile.

Her blonde curls were perfectly coiffed on her head and she wore a strange two-horned crown. Her smile was quite shark-like and I knew I had never seen her in all my time in the Queen's palace.

"I…" I swallowed. "Emma, my lady." I was unsure if she was a Queen or not but judging by the crown I suppose it was a safe assumption.

"Emma…such a pretty name. I've heard that name before."

I blinked and wondered if the Queen had spoken about me to this woman. I didn't think I was that important especially back when I was the Queen's toy.

"You do look like her…your Mother."

I furrowed my brows, "excuse me?"

"You heard me." The woman's smile became even more shark-like.

I stuttered, my eyes going wide as I tried to figure out a way to respond. I had no Mother or at least one that I knew of. And even then I wasn't sure I wanted to meet her if she did exist. She'd left me in the woods after all.

"Maleficent," I heard the Queen's cold voice. The woman's smirk only widened as she turned in a circle of purple and pink silk to face the Queen who was walking rather grimly towards her. Just like always she seemed to glide effortlessly across the floor.

The blonde woman stepped back and I resisted the urge to back away from them both. The energy surrounding them was crackling as though they both were only standing near the other.

"Majesty." I breathed softly when she looked my way.

"What are you doing here?"

"There's been a bit of a problem Majesty."

The Queen's face remained impassive but I saw the panic in her eyes. She nodded, "Go to my chambers."

"Yes, your highness." I dipped into a slight bow before stepping as far away from Maleficent as I could and trying my best not to flee down the hallway. 

* * *

 

"Majesty." I murmured as she appeared in the doorway of her rooms.

"Why did you leave his rooms? I told you to guard him? Are you incapable of listening to a single simple command?" The Queen's words cut me to the bone but I could see the desperation in her eyes. She was terrified of Henry being seen.

"His highness is ill Majesty. He's been vomiting and it hasn't stopped since this morning. I thought perhaps he'd eaten something but when I realized he couldn't keep water down, I came to get you."

The Queen frowned, "When did this begin exactly?"

"The Prince was fine until mid-morning and then the vomiting began."

"Go back to his rooms Emma. I'll meet you there. Avoid the main hallways, take the servants halls."

"Yes, your majesty." I bowed low to her and turned to move out into the hallway to follow her command.

"Emma?" She called my name softly and I stopped. I didn't turn around.

"Don't allow Maleficent to catch you off guard again. She's not a person you want to meet in private."

"Yes, majesty." I murmured. I waited another moment before I realized she was done speaking and when I turned around, all I found was a fading puff of deep purple smoke. 

* * *

 

By the time I got to the Prince's chambers, I found his small body curled up in the Queen's arms. She was sitting in the rocking chair, her eyes studying her son's pale face. He was calm mostly asleep from the looks of it. Despite the Queen's courtly dress, it was still easy to see that she was a Mother that truly did love her child.

"He's calm." I said softly.

"He's very tired." The Queen replied.

"I am sorry your grace. It wasn't my intention to leave without your permission."

"I asked you to guard my son. You did that and you did well at that." The Queen continued to rock back and forth, never breaking rhythm for fear that the little boy in her arms would wake up and be miserable once again.

"Majesty, may I ask you a question."

The Queen blinked but gave a small nod of consent after a moment.

"The Prince was his illness…magical?"

"I had feared that myself but no. It appears as though he contracted it by natural means. I can relieve the symptoms until it dissipates though."

I nodded, "I will stay awake tonight to ensure he is comfortable your grace."

She nodded and we fell silent for a time.

"Emma?"

"Yes, your grace?"

"What did Maleficent say to you in the hallway?"

I paused, unsure of why the Queen was asking before I answered. "She asked for my name…and when I gave it to her, she said it sounded familiar. She said I looked like my Mother. But that's impossible. I don't have a Mother."

The Queen was frowning as she looked at her son for a moment and then up at me.

"Maleficent…she likes to play games. Don't get caught up in them. They always end in death and destruction."

I longed to ask her if the woman was the reason Henry and I were confined but I kept my silence by nodding my head.

The Queen remained with us for a time before she was forced to leave to attend to her guests. I stayed awake for the next two nights but the Prince showed no signs of relapsing. In fact, his cheeks were flushed with pretty color and his eyes were bright. He was back to his normal healthy self.

We were finally allowed to leave his rooms after three days. I still to this day wonder just what Maleficent meant when she said I looked like my Mother. I have thought about trying to find her to ask her but I wouldn't know where to look and the Queen's warning about her still sticks with me even to this day. I do believe Maleficent is even more dangerous than the Queen. I don't believe there are many barriers a woman like that wouldn't cross. I suppose the same can be said for the Queen.

I hadn't seen the Queen since our time when the Prince was sick and I admit I was feeling rather anxious about laying eyes on her once again. It seemed even when I hated her, I couldn't avoid her. But then had I ever truly hated her? That question continues to haunt me to this day.


	27. Chapter 27

I was called to the Queen's rooms rather unexpectedly. I was glad to hear that Maleficent had gone but I was still uneasy about what she'd said to me. It was hard to get that thought out of my head. Did Maleficent know my Mother? The Queen hadn't said outright that Maleficent was lying. I had never known her to blatantly lie to me. I'd known her to stretch or twist the truth on occasions but never outright lie. I tried my best to push it to the side as I pushed open the outer doors to her rooms. I knocked on the inner doors and waited for her words that would allow me entrance. My hand went to my sword hilt for a moment, a habit I'd developed recently. I had become hyper aware of my surroundings and I was always assessing where a threat could come from. Having my hand on my sword while my eyes searched out weaknesses and hiding places was the best way to defend the Prince and myself if he was with me. I'd even do it with the Queen the few times she'd been with us.

I glanced around her room, then towards the balcony but saw nothing out of the ordinary. I dropped my hand and took a step forward as the Queen's heels clicked on the stone. She'd been in her bedchambers; I could see the curtains of her bed flutter. I swallowed as my thoughts went back to the dreams that continued to plague me. I forced my eyes away; looking towards the balcony instead.

"I'm glad you finally decided to grace me with your presence."

I arched a silent brow as I took in the Queen's appearance. She was wearing a thin silk robe and no shoes. Her long hair was down and the slight wind that blew in from the balcony caught the tendrils and blew them around her in a teasing fashion. I hadn't seen her like this since before I'd left.

A small gasp escaped my lips as I took a step back. The Queen's red lips tilted up in a small smile.

"I was beginning to think you would ignore my summons." The Queen continued as though I'd never interrupted her with my movements.

"I…I would never ignore…her majesties' summons." I stuttered but finally managed to get out.

The Queen studied me for a moment before she spoke. "Did you know I've taken dozens of people to my bed while you were gone."

I parted my lips to speak but no words came out. The Queen waited but when I didn't speak, she continued.

"Not one stayed past the one night I had them."

I swallowed as the Queen stepped forward. "I've seen the way you look at me still. I've seen the way your eyes wander my body. I feel your eyes lingering in places I used to allow you to touch."

I looked away as I felt the Queen's arms slide around my shoulders. "I know you want to touch me again." She whispered.

"Your majesty…I'm not your pet…"

"But you are; you always will be."

"No," I shook my head. "I'm not."

The Queen leaned forward, her almost bare breasts pressing against the hardened leather breastplate I wore. I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Your majesty," I whimpered softly.

"You remember it don't you? You remember dipping down my body, indulging your senses in me. Tasting me on your tongue."

I pushed her away and shook my head. "No."

"I could order you." She frowned and I finally forced myself to look at her once again.

"I won't go back to being your pet."

The Queen turned away from me, her shoulders hunching slightly. "Do you know why I love Henry so much?"

"He's your son."

"Yes, and he cannot be taken away from me. I'll always be his Mother."

I stepped forward, shocking us both I'm sure when I laid my hand on her shoulder.

"I've always been yours your majesty…even when I left."

"You can be taken away from me."

"But I won't be." I promised her as I settled my other arm gently around her waist. She could pull away; she could get away from me if she chose but she didn't. Instead, she leaned back into the touch.

"I'm not going to leave again my Queen. I'm here with you and with your son. I would gladly lay down my life to protect you both if that's what it took." I took a chance and pressed a kiss to her shoulder. Her body felt so soft underneath my hands. I stroked her hip with the tips of my calloused fingers and felt her shiver. I'd never known my Queen to be vulnerable but here she was, letting me hold her. Letting me touch her in ways I'd only dreamed about.

"I don't want your life."

"Whatever you want; I'll give you." I promised her.

"What if I want your soul?"

"It's yours." I stated without hesitation and she turned in my arms. She laid her hand on my chest, studying me closely.

"Your heart?"

"It's yours, it's always been yours."

She pushed her hand against my chest and I gasped but didn't pull back. She looked up at me through half lidded eyes.

"You'd let me wouldn't you?" "It's yours." I whispered again.

She took a step forward and rested her head against my shoulder. I took a breath and embraced her slowly. She smelled wonderful. Like night blooming jasmine and sandalwood; it wrapped around me, dulling my senses and reminding me of home.

"I've missed you…my Queen."

"I know." The Queen sighed as I leaned forward and captured her lips. I pressed against her happily. Her body was so soft and yielded to me as I felt her small hands go to my waist and undo my sword belt. It fell with a dull thud to the stone floor but I didn't care. I was determined to have her at that point. I grabbed her legs and hoisted her body up. She wrapped her legs around my waist and allowed me to carry her to the bed. The curtains flew around us as I set her on the bed. She reached up drawing me down and pushed me down so that I was on my back. She straddled my body as her hands flew to my sides doing her best to undo my breastplate. My hands joined hers when I noticed she was struggling with the buckles. Growing frustrated she tore at the buckles until they gave and pulled my breast plate from my body happily. My undershirt was ripped from me and I gasped as the Queen's hands found my breasts and began to squeeze them. Her thumbs found my nipples and I groaned as she slid them along in small tight circles.

"You always did respond to me like no one else."

"You always touched me like no one else." I countered and the Queen laughed before she leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine. I kissed back with fervent passion as my hands found the knot that held her robe together. I undid it happily and pushed the silk from her body. She whimpered against my lips as my hands slid along her bare skin. She was still so soft and warm. Just like I remembered her being all those years ago.

My hands immediately found her soft warm breasts. I cupped my hands, holding the flesh before I released it, watching with intense interest as they bounced. The Queen arched a brow as I looked up at her.

"Having fun?"

"An immense amount." I answered with a cheeky smile.

She laughed and leaned down. I sat up slightly and met her lips with mine. I wrapped my arms around and flipped us over. She whined against my lips as I pulled away and smiled softly at her.

She eyed me for a moment, "I don't like to be on the bottom."

"Tough; I want to be on top."

"You never used to fight me on it." She stated and the way her red lips settled, I knew it was as close to a pout as I would ever see from her.

"I'll fight you now." I whispered as I pressed kisses to her chin and jawline. I made my way down her neck, my ears straining as I heard her breathy moans and soft cries.

Her chest heaved and pressed up against me as I made my way down her collarbones and towards her breasts. I heard her gasp as I trailed my lips and tongue along the tops of the soft tissue of her chest and over the hardened tips. I let my tongue slide out, caressing the puckered flesh and listened to her sigh of pleasure. I traced my tongue around her left nipple and felt her hands come up to embrace me. Her hand carded through the curls at the back of my head and I found myself purring around the flesh I'd slipped into my mouth to suckle. I licked and teased and sucked until her breathy cries became louder and more frequent before I finally moved to the other and gave it the same treatment.

I kissed my way down her abdomen, over her little tummy and sharp hipbones. She hadn't changed at all. The birthmark on the flat of her hip still prominently present, a star shaped scar underneath her right breast what I could only assume to be an old arrow wound and the small indent on the left side of her pelvis from what I couldn't be sure. It was just as I remembered and I hungrily lost myself in my ministrations as I kissed and licked over her hipbones and down to the trimmed triangle of curls. Her legs spread of their own accord and I groaned at the sight. She was soaking wet, her folds swollen with arousal. I took a breath and leaned down. I pressed my lips to the apex of her sex before I parted my lips and caressed her with my tongue. I lapped up the taste of her, sliding my tongue along the soft flesh and pushing into her briefly. She moaned loudly as I felt her inner muscles shiver against my tongue. I loved when that happened. She was always so responsive but then so was I when it came to her.

I slipped my tongue in and out of her twice then thrice more before I slid out of her and moved up to caress the hard little pearl of her pleasure. She arched her hips a loud guttural moan escaping her as she arched her hips. I laid my hands on her hips, holding her in place so I could tease her properly. I moaned into her, loving the tangy taste of her on my tongue. It had been too long. I traced my tongue up and down, nudging the hard flesh under it with each swipe. My eyes fell closed as I savored her flavor ,which just seemed to get better the longer I stayed. Her cries became low and rhythmic and I felt her thighs begin to shake around my head. She was so close, it wouldn't take much to push her over the edge.

I pulled away and she moaned the loss until I started to thrust my tongue into her once again. My nose nudged her hardened clit with each thrust. Her hips tilted themselves up and her back began to arch just as her inner muscles spasmed and held my tongue. I groaned as she released a low guttural moan before she collapsed back against the bed. I pulled away from her and reached up wiping my mouth.

Her dark eyes slit open as her chest continued to heave. She studied me as I sat back on my haunches waiting for her to say something, anything about what we had just done.

"Did you miss me?" She finally asked and I looked away.

"Does it matter?"

She remained silent for a moment before she spoke. "No one satisfies me like you do."

"You taught me yourself how you liked it." I offered.

She nodded, "I did a good job."

A small smile crossed my lips, unbidden. "You always were arrogant."

"I'm a Queen." She narrowed her eyes. "You're lucky I feel completely boneless right now. I'd punish you for such comments."

"I'm not your pet anymore." I repeated. "I'm your son's guard and if you punish me I can't defend him as I should."

"You wouldn't allow a single thing to happen to my son." The Queen spoke with confidence.

"You're right I wouldn't." I looked away and shifted. I was excited still but I dare not mention it.

"What did that girl teach you?"

I bristled immediately. "The one you killed?"

The Queen narrowed her eyes. "Watch your tongue or you may find yourself without it."

"Then what would I satisfy you with your Majesty?" I spit her title as I leapt from the bed. I immediately started to pull my armor back on as the Queen sat up.

"Where are you going?"

"Away from you, isn't it obvious?"

She arched a brow at me and sighed. "I only asked because…she had you in ways I couldn't."

I twisted, my breast plate falling out of my hands as I stared at the Queen who shifted uncomfortably on her bed. I took a step towards her but stopped myself. I took a breath and spoke.

"My entire life I've been desperately in love with you." I said softly. "I would've done anything for you. I would've died for you."

The Queen remained silent as she stared at me.

"I've done everything you've ever asked of me until I couldn't take it anymore. During all that time…did you love me at all?"

The Queen stared at me but didn't speak for a long time. I felt my stomach twist itself into knots as I waited with baited breath for her answer.

"Feelings, emotions…those are hard for me to grasp now." She said softly. "My feelings for you are…complicated at best."

''What does that mean?"

"It means that I have trouble when you aren't near me. I do bear a certain…fondness for you."

"Fondness?" I felt my heart break inside my chest. I turned away.

"I won't say I'm in love Emma. Those words don't come from my mouth."

"I didn't expect them to your Majesty." I gathered up my armor once more.

"Then why do you seem so devastated by my words?"

"I'm not," I denied but I could feel the tears beginning to run down my cheeks.

"You're crying." The Queen slid towards me and I shook my head.

"Don't." I held up my hand and she stopped.

"I didn't…" She trailed off as her brow furrowed. "I don't know how to love very well Emma."

"I didn't expect you too."

The Queen sighed as her shoulders drooped. "You can be taken away from me Emma. And I fight fiercely for those I consider mine."

"Am I still yours?"

"You've never stopped being mine."

My lips parted as I stared at her. She looked so…fragile…I'd never seen her look like that in all my years near her.

I dropped my armor once more and climbed back onto the bed next to her. Our sides were pressed together, our thighs brushed with each barely felt shift. The Queen looked at me and I stared back at her, unflinching under her gaze.

I darted forward without thought and pressed my lips to hers. She allowed me to take control of the kiss and I pushed her back to the bed.

"If I'm yours your majesty then that makes you mine." I said as I pulled away from her. She stared up at me with a furrowed brow.

"I'm not property Emma."

"No, you're my other half."

She blinked, looking all at once shocked and beautiful and a little scared.

"You're mine my Queen and I'm yours. That's how this works from now on."

"Yours?"

"Mine." I confirmed. "All mine and in return…I'm all yours."


	28. Chapter 28

"Majesty," I dropped to my knee before her and bowed my head. Things had changed rapidly between us and yet they remained much the same.

The Queen lifted her hand from the water. Her bathing chambers were always steaming. The internal hot springs brought water up from the ground but when it wasn't enough there were all sorts of copper piping that passed behind the large fireplace that brought hot water in as long as the fireplace was lit. Incense and rose petals were always scattered on the surface of the water and kept burning giving the air a sweet spicy scent.

I swallowed as I noticed the Queen's servant running a sponge along her back. I longed to push her hands away and tell her not to touch my Queen but I knew better. She may have been mine but she was a Queen first and Queen's never did tasks like this. The girl was lovely really. A redhead with milky skin and bright icy blue eyes and full pretty pink lips; her body was curved in the perfect places and small and thin in others. She was wearing a small tunic made of rough blue cotton, which brought out her eyes. It didn't escape my notice that she wasn't wearing undergarments. Her nipples were perked. She was aroused by touching my Queen; I wondered if she was one of the servants my Queen had said she'd taken to her bed during my absence.

The Queen lifted both her arms as the girl continued to run the sponge along her back. Her hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun. She was truly stunning and her full red lips tilted up as she studied me for a moment. I knew she knew I was angry at the sight of another touching her even if it was required.

"Leave us," The Queen's voice was low and husky but still commanding. Her eyes never left mine as the girl pulled away and stood to her feet. With a small curtsy she left but it didn't escape my notice that she glanced longingly back at my reclining Queen.

"You're angry." She stated as she rose to her feet. Water cascaded from her frame. My eyes narrowed as I noticed how tight her nipples were.

"Did you enjoy her touching you Majesty?" I asked, unable to help myself.

The Queen's eyes narrowed for a moment before she smiled. "Yes, I quite enjoy a young woman's touch."

I growled low in my throat, "You're mine."

"Am I?" The Queen's smile grew wider. "Why don't you get in here and prove it to me?"

I narrowed my eyes. "You're pushing me." I realized and the Queen arched a brow.

"I don't know what you're talking about dear."

I stood up as the Queen watched me. My hands went to my sword belt and I allowed it to drop with a clang. My armor and boots quickly followed along with the rest of my clothes.

"You belong to me your Majesty."

"Prove it." The Queen dared me as I stepped down into the hard water. I walked confidently towards her and pulled her wet body against mine. I heard a small groan escape her lips. My hand went to the bun and I tugged until it fell down her back in waves. I tangled both my hands in her hair then and used it to pull her as tightly against me as I could.

"My son?" She asked.

"He's with his tutors right now. Graham is watching him."

"You must trust him immensely." She observed.

"You have his heart." I said confidently. "He's not going anywhere and he knows I'll kill him myself if anything happens to your son."

She bit her bottom lip and I groaned. "Must you do that Majesty?" I asked.

She laughed, "I know it drives you wild."

"You always did know how to press my buttons." I growled, resisting the urge to manhandle her the way I'd been wanting to since I'd first staked my claim on her.

"How about you press mine by washing my back? Since you interrupted my bath."

I arched a brow, "You called me." I said flatly.

She smiled devilishly, "Only to see how you'd react to my little maid." She confessed. "She's lovely isn't she? So pretty and soft…yielding. I have half a mind to see what it would take to make her scream. I don't think it'd take much." I leaned forward, nipping at the point where her jaw met her neck. "You won't take another to your bed anymore. I'm the only one there."

"Oh?"

"Yes," I hissed. "Because you're mine now and I refuse to share you."

The Queen turned her head, pressing her lips hungrily to mine. In the few weeks since we'd come to some strange understanding, we couldn't seem to get enough of one another. The Queen still fought me rather hard on being on top but if I held my ground for long enough, she gave in. She didn't let me tie her up or anything like that but then if I was honest while I had fantasized about it, I was more than happy to not actually have THAT much control over her. She was still my Queen, my moon, my stars, and sun. She deserved to be treated as such.

I pulled away from her after a few quick pecks. "So did you really call me here to see how I'd react to the girl?"

"No, I did actually have need of you but then it was too much fun not to rile you up a little. You get a little rough that way."

I rolled my eyes and she laughed. "What did you need your Majesty?"

"There's been some….unrest along the border. I typically would have no problem putting such things down with a well placed military strike but I think there may be more to it."

"Would you like for me to go out there?"

"They know you there and that worries me. I think I'll have to send someone else but I wanted your opinion. You train with the men. You and Graham both and while he thinks with his head; you think with your heart. And that's a good combination. I want you two to pick someone from my army, someone not known to go out there and spend time. Learn what's going on out there and then have them report back."

"If that's what you need your grace, I will gladly see it done and I know Graham will as well."

"I trust you both will; now kiss me and then wash my back." The Queen's smirk was devilish but I still saw the tightening around her eyes. Something was happening and she was growing concerned about whatever it was. 

* * *

 

"Have you heard anything about this?" I asked Graham as soon as he approached me on the training grounds.

I knew he'd know what I was speaking of.

"It's been a few years, activities and rumors of unrest on and off but they were nothing to be concerned about until recently."

"What's going on?" I asked.

"There are rumors that the White Kingdom may be making a move towards the Queen's Kingdom."

I frowned, "I thought we had a treaty with the White Kingdom."

"We did but it seems as though it may have been broken."

"Why?"

"I don't know." Graham said softly. And I frowned. He'd just lied to me. He'd never lied to me before but I knew at that moment he wasn't telling me the truth.

"The Queen thinks we need to find someone to go to the border and gain the trust of the rebels. Is there anyone that is from that area? Anyone that may be able to say they were unsatisfied and stay long term without any suspicion?"

"They would suspect that. Someone not from there may be best." Graham offered and though he didn't say anything, I think he was pleased by the fact that I agreed with him.

We tossed names back and forth with one another until we settled on one of the Queen's guards. It worked out for the best because he was always in the castle and had rarely been seen outside of it. He was also one of the Heartless. It would ensure that he wouldn't betray the Queen.

I went to check on Henry before I returned to the Queen's chambers. I still slept in the room right off from Henry's bedroom. The better to protect him that way but I spent the late evenings with the Queen.

"Did you and Graham come to a decision?" She asked as soon as I pushed the doors to her inner chambers open.

She was sitting on the chaise lounge with a roll of parchment opened on her lap. She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear.

"We did your Majesty. We think Claude might be best. He's not known throughout the lands but he is one of the Heartless which will keep him from double crossing you Highness."

The Queen nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, I think that's a good decision."

"When will he leave?"

"Tomorrow; I want this solved before long. I can't spare Graham he's too well known and you are rather distinct looking yourself not to mention I don't intend to be parted from you any time soon."

"I will see it done personally Majesty." I promised and she finally put the parchment she was reading aside.

"I know; that's why I'm entrusting this task to you personally."

"Majesty…"

The Queen gave a small hum of acknowledgement.

"You know I can go there."

"I need you here."

"It wouldn't be that bad…" I trailed off as the Queen cut her eyes at me.

"You can't go there Emma."

"Why?"

"Because they'd recognize you."

"The village is Red's isn't it?"

"Indeed and I wouldn't put it past them to string you up."

I frowned, "They were peaceful Majesty."

"They are dogs and they have no sense of allegiance to anyone. I won't have the rabble sending my kingdom into all out rebellion. I have no choice but to put it down if that is what's going on."

"If it's not?"

"Then I will leave the village be."

I nodded with a frown. "May I…go there? Before that happens?"

"Why would want you want to go there?"

"There was one person there aside from Red that I want to see again. She was kind to me. She was like a Mother to me and I just want to know if she's apart of this."

"And if she is?"

"Then I will take the steps to deal with her and the other villagers accordingly."

"You will do no such thing. I won't have you near battles."

"I've been training for it Majesty."

"Your one job is to protect my son. He is the most important thing."

I frowned, "But if I was there…" I started to object but the Queen shook her head and I fell silent.

"You'll stay here and protect my son should something happen."

I had no choice but to agree even if I disagreed with the Queen on how best to protect her son.


	29. Chapter 29

Did anyone really believe that I would listen to the Queen at that point in time? Of course not; you'd know me well enough to know that I cannot stay away from something that may threaten my way of life. And that of my Queen; Claude had been gone a little over a moon by that point and for the most part he seemed to be doing well in his new role. He would send us what encoded messages he could but they were rare. His life was after all in danger should he be caught.

I paced back and forth in my bedroom; the Queen was meeting with her council and while I could've attended, I was beginning to feel cooped up and caged like I had before I'd fled all those years ago. The Prince was at his lessons and Graham had agreed to watch him while I was tried to work off my energy in the practice field but when that proved fruitless, I came back to my rooms to bathe and try to get myself together.

I ran my hands through my hair twice before I made my decision. I would go to Red's village and I would find Granny. Hopefully she'd find it in her heart to forgive me for all my wrong doings and I could get her out of there before the village was destroyed. It was the least I could do for Red. I owed her that much.

I left my rooms quietly and didn't tell anyone I was leaving. I knew if I mentioned it to Graham he'd tell the Queen. And the Queen had all but forbidden me to leave the castle. I didn't have the trouble that I used to have taking a horse and taking it off the grounds. It wasn't until the wind was blowing through my hair and I noticed the trees were slowly beginning to grow back from the trauma of the fire they'd endured when I'd first left that I think I fully realized what I was doing. I'd left my Queen again when I'd promised her and myself that I wouldn't leave again. Guilt twisted in my gut but I ignored it. I had to do this. I had to protect Granny after I'd let Red die.

I still feel regret over all that years later. I did love Red though I didn't want to admit it at the time. I was still so desperately in love with the Queen that I refused to see what I'd had in front of me. And I was happy even if I didn't want to believe I was. That simple way of life, stealing kisses in between shifts at work in the back store room. Lying in bed before the sun rose, talking sometimes, other times just staying silent and cuddling close especially when it got cold. Red had always been so warm and she'd loved burying her nose in her long dark hair. It was easier to imagine it was the Queen but the scents were different and every time I breathed I'd been reminded that it wasn't the Queen in my arms, it was Red.

And then the guilt would set in for me once again. It seems to be a growing pattern that I find myself falling into with the women I love. I always do something to make myself feel guilt about hurting them in some fashion or another. I rode through the day and night, the guilt tying itself in knots in my stomach with every step that the horse took but I kept on.

I reached the border of Red's village late the next night. I knew the Queen was angry with me for disobeying her but I still pushed on. I hid my horse in the trees; I couldn't let them know I was here if indeed things were as dire as I suspected. I stayed in the woods, waiting until nightfall before I crept up to the small house behind the tavern. Granny had always insisted she keep separate quarters but still stayed close enough that she could get to the tavern should something happen. I could remember nights when I would find Granny sleeping in her rocking chair before the fire with a crossbow in her hands. I missed the simplicity of that time but I had made the decision to leave and I couldn't go back on my word to stay with the Queen. I just hoped she'd forgive me once I returned to her side…hopefully with Granny in tow.

I waited for a bit until I knocked carefully on the window. It opened a few moments later and I was staring down a crossbow. I squeezed my eyes shut as I lifted my hands.

"Granny," I said softly. "It's me…Emma."

"Girl?" Granny lowered the bow, staring at me wide eyed behind her spectacles.

She looked older, I noted, feeling a bit sad by that. She had seemed so ageless before and yet so wise. She offered me a suspicious look before the crossbow came up again.

"How do I know you're Emma?"

"It wasn't common knowledge that I was from the Dark Kingdom." I said softly. "We used to claim that I'd come from the village of Bansworth to the North."

She studied me for a moment before lowering the crossbow. "You left. Red came after you."

I squeezed my eyes shut, "I know. I'm sorry. I couldn't protect her."

Granny cocked her head, "What do you think happened to her girl?"

"She died. The Queen ordered her burned."

The older woman's wrinkled brow crinkled more and I blinked.

"Emma, I don't know where you heard that…"

"I didn't hear it…I witnessed it. She burned her at the stake." I interrupted.

"Emma?" I heard a soft voice behind Granny and my eyes widened.

"Red?"

She stepped forward and pushed Granny out of the way. Her gloved hands cupped my cheeks as I stared up at her with wide eyes. Her smile was bright, her dark hair fell from underneath her red hood and curled on the ends only slightly longer than I remembered. She looked exactly like I remembered as she leaned down and pressed her lips to mine.

"Red, you're alive," I whispered, feeling the lump in my throat only get bigger as tears began to leak from my eyes.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Granny said you followed me back to the dark Queen's Kingdom." I offered as she pulled away.

"I did but you were captured and I knew I couldn't get you out on my own. I came back home and Granny and I tried to figure out what we could do to get you out of there. It's taken a while and I'm sorry for that. Granny said she thought you'd be dead by now if the Queen willed it but I had faith that you'd stay alive." She offered me a beautiful smile. "Granny," She asked, looking over her shoulder. Only then did I take in that the older woman was gone. She turned back towards me. "I never got to tell you before you left. But Emma, I love you."

I felt my eyes well up once again. "Oh Red." I said softly.

"I know; I know you don't feel the same."

"I do but…" I trailed off.

She shook her head and pressed her leather-clad finger to my lips. "Don't. It's all right. I understand. I promise." She offered me a sad smile. "She's lucky to have you. I hope you realize that."

"I don't know." I answered honestly. "Red, this rebellion. It has to end. The Queen will see you all burn for this." I pled with her and she shook her head.

"A long time ago something precious was stolen by the Dark Queen from the White Queen. She'll stop at nothing to have it back."

I furrowed my brow before I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. I won't have you and Granny here when her army marches here. You need to get out. Come with me back to the Dark Kingdom. We'll figure it out together. I didn't know you were alive Red."

"I can see that from the shock on your face." She noted.

It didn't really occur to me then what had actually taken place. It wasn't until the shock of seeing Red and feeling her body beside mine as I slept in her bed as I used to that it fully hit me. The Queen had lied to me. For the first time in all our years together, she'd lied. She'd set up "Red's" death and forced me to endure it knowing how it would break me to see my friend in that position.

Anger began to pull in my stomach along with the feeling of betrayal. She'd lied to me and I had done nothing to deserve that. I may have run from her but I didn't deserve that. How could she do that to me and then allow me to get close to her? How could she let me claim her knowing I was making said claim without knowing all the proper facts?

I've never hated the Queen and I never will though in those moments when Red whimpered in her sleep and I pulled her close to me, I wondered if that was as close as I'd ever get to hating her. This feeling of betrayal, of anger, and of having my world shattered by the same woman that had built it up for all this time. I wondered if I should return in those dark moments. Perhaps I should just flee to the White Kingdom, take Granny and Red and live as Red's lover for the rest of my days. It was a nice thought but one I couldn't abide. I'd return to the Queen's side but I wouldn't let her close again or so I'd thought at the time.

I'd never let her betray me like this again. I still don't think I've totally forgiven her even after all this time and as I sit here writing this journal. You once told me never to trust her Graham. And like everyone in my life I didn't listen. I got burned by the fire but I wouldn't let it consume me again. She had a lot to answer for back then and even now. Would I get the answers I sought? I'm sure that thought has crossed your mind as you read these words. I'm not sure what to tell you but like everything in my life it would either be built up or torn asunder by one woman. But this time I vowed that I'd tear her world apart as she continuously did mine.

 


	30. Chapter 30

Anger, boiling rage bubbling beneath the surface. As I rode back towards the castle, it was the only thing that kept me going. Red had begged me to stay. Holding onto me tightly and whispering that she loved me that I could stay with her. We could've had a life together had I stayed. She'd promised me we'd leave together, go to the White Kingdom and live happily. Just the two of us if she wasn't able to drag Granny along, which we both knew would take an act from the Gods. That old woman wouldn't leave if she weren't blown out of there by lightening.

I clenched my fists as the castle came into sight. My anger was still boiling but I held it as the gates opened. The Queen was wearing her armor I noted as I stopped my horse and dismounted. I grabbed the reins and led my horse inside stopping in front of her.

Her eyes were cold as ice I noted. She was angry but she wasn't showing it in front of her men.

"Come." She said, turning her back as she obviously expected and knew I'd follow.

And follow I did after passing my horse off to one of the stable hands. She walked three paces ahead of me just like always. Henry, I noted, was nowhere to be seen. It was for the best. His Mother and I were going to fight and there was no telling the outcome.

The doors to her chamber opened likely with magic as she continued inside, her silver chainmail armor glinted in the torchlight as we passed inside. When her inner chambers' doors shut, I swallowed as the Queen strode into the center of the room before stopping. She kept her back to me and I remained standing where I was.

"You lied to me." I started.

"You left me…again." The Queen offered in reply.

I narrowed my eyes at her. "And that justified you making me believe that someone I cared about died because of me?"

"You're mine." The Queen was across the room in an instant and I was staring her in the eye.

I glared at her as her pretty eyes searched my face.

I took a breath, the scent of night-blooming jasmine and sandalwood hitting me harder than if her fist had. Her scent was intoxicating and I felt my head blur slightly before I blinked and shook my head.

"No more." I said softly.

She narrowed her eyes and I shook my head.

"You had no right to do that to me."

"You left me." She repeated.

"Red isn't you and she never will be. What do I have to do to prove that to you?"

"And yet you run to her at the first opportunity you get." She snarled.

"I went to Granny actually. To beg her to come to the castle; I owed it to Red."

"You owed that wolf whore nothing." The Queen's upper lip drew back angrily as she glared at me.

I blinked at her. "What are you talking about?"

The Queen withdrew from me, moving back towards the middle of the room.

"What aren't you telling me?" I asked her softly as I moved towards her.

"Your precious Red isn't what you think she is."

"And you are?" I asked softly.

"I have never lied to you."

"You never lied to me? Are you serious Regina?" I had never called the Queen by her first name until that moment.

"I…" The Queen swallowed and looked away from me.

I waited for a moment but it didn't seem like I was going to get an answer from her. I took a breath and released it slowly.

"You know everything about me Regina." I said her name again and I saw her shoulder slump slightly. "You know how much you mean to me after everything that's happened. I gave you my mind and my body without thought." I laid my hand against her back, sliding my hand along the hardened leather covering her back. My hand slid through the dark silk of her hair, which she'd pinned into a high ponytail. She tilted her head slightly giving me access to her throat, which I gladly took. I pressed my lips there and felt a shiver slide up her spine.

"You're my sun, my stars, and my moon, my oceans, my lands, my fire, my darkness, and my light. Regina you're everything to me."

"Yet you run to your whore at the first opportunity."

"I didn't sleep with Red Regina. Only beside her and I didn't sleep at all." My body was humming with exhaustion but I ignored it, pushing through it despite my want to curl up and sleep for days.

"You left me." She said softly and I felt the slight hitch in her breathing.

"I'll never leave you again Regina but you have to stop this. Not with bloodshed."

"It's all I know," Her response was so hollow.

"It doesn't have to be." I shook my head and she turned. My arm slid around her tiny waist and I pulled her close without thought.

"It does. Snow White wants me dead."

"What does the White Kingdom have to do with this little rebellion that won't even get started because the people fear your wrath?" I asked, trying to make her see reason.

"They believe I stole something vital to the White Kingdom a long time ago Emma."

"And what is that? So sort of crowned jewel or something that went missing?"

She shook her head and I sighed. "Then what could possibly be worth people's lives?"

"Snow White believes I've stolen her most precious possession. That's where this rebellion is coming from and your precious Red has known that all along."

"I don't understand. What do they think you've stolen?"

"The heir to the White throne. Snow White's daughter."

My heart dropped into my stomach. "Did you?" I asked and she took a breath.

I didn't know my life was going to change again until it did with just one simple word.

"Yes."

 


	31. Chapter 31

"Where is she Regina?" I asked softly as the Queen's shoulders slumped. I tightened my grip on her small waist and drew her back against me. I knew she was weighed down by whatever she had done in the past because she leaned against me and allowed me to hold her without thought.

"You have to understand the things that Snow White did to me Emma."

"What did she do?"

"She betrayed me…because of her the man I loved was murdered before my eyes. All because she selfishly wanted me for herself."

I tenderly squeezed her, as her tone was one I'd never heard before. She sounded almost vulnerable. It frightened me. I'd never heard her sound that way.

"Did she get you?"

"Oh yes because what she wanted, she always got. Spoiled brat."

I frowned and shook my head, "It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you won."

"I stole her child from it's cradle two days after it's birth."

"What happened to the baby?" I asked.

The Queen remained silent so I answered my own question. "It doesn't matter. You did what you had to do to avenge yourself and for whatever reason I can't fault you for it."

"They named the baby Emma."

I frowned, "You named me after their baby?" I still hadn't put two and two together.

"No, Emma…you are their baby."

"What?" I released her waist and took a step back from her as she turned to face me. Her eyes were completely devoid of all emotion just like when I had been a small child.

"You were lied to all these years because I had to have you."

"Why would you do this Regina? Why now?"

She blinked and turned away. "I wanted to tell you; I wanted you to know where you came from but I knew if I told you you'd run headlong right towards them. You are mine Emma and I wasn't going to give you up."

"So you selfishly kept my past from me."

"Was it you that just said it didn't matter where the babe was?"

"That's when I didn't know she was me." I cried out, wanting to lash out at her. But I held myself back. I took a breath and released it slowly. The betrayal hurt but she'd hurt me worse over the years just as I had hurt her.

"Do you love me Emma?"

"Do you even need to ask that? Even now I love you still. With everything I am and everything I could hope to be. You are my world even though you don't deserve it. Even after everything you've done to me and to the family I don't know I still love you."

Regina remained silent during my impassioned speech but her shoulders drooped once again. "I've done terrible things in my life Emma. But I don't regret a single action because it led me straight to you."

"After you stole me." I couldn't help but twist the knife a little in her back. She flinched but then she remained still.

Her shoulders heaved slightly, the silk of her deep burgundy gown rising and then falling back to the floor in whispers that sounded like feathers falling.

"I don't regret my actions." She repeated. "I don't regret what I did to get you with me and I most certainly don't regret the two greatest things you've given me because of my actions; Henry and your heart."

I frowned at her and shook my head. "If I didn't know you to be such a good mother, I'd take both from you."

"You have that right to at least one of those things."

"I have a right to both. Henry was born from my body and my heart is mine to take and give as I choose."

"I can't have children. Did you know that?"

I blinked, startled at the change in conversation.

"No." I waited for her to elaborate. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Because you didn't need to know. I cannot bare a child. It's impossible. No amount of magic can fix the damage that has been wrought upon my womb."

I reached out then, shocking us both as I slid my hand along her shoulder than the blade before stopping in the middle of her back.

"What happened?"

"I was raped as a young girl…around your age. The damage was extensive. They did everything they could but my womb was in ribbons inside me. They had to remove it."

I gasped as I set my other hand on her back. I could feel the slight trembles as she revealed bit by bit the things about her I had never known. I doubted anyone knew.

"So you see I couldn't bare a child of my own."

"And you wanted one that badly?"

"I have always wanted to be a Mother. You gave that to me." Her voice was soft and haunting.

"I…" I trailed off unsure of what to say now that I had such information at my disposal.

She took a step away from me putting some distance between us. "I have no regrets Emma." She reminded me once again.

I looked away, unable to help the hurt I felt at hearing those words.

"I understand, I can't say I agree but I do understand." I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Your Mother is coming for you. Even now I feel her pressing closer. Going for my jugular." She trailed a hand up, touching her throat for a moment before her hand fell away.

"It seems like she has good cause." I offered.

She shook her head with a small smile at that and nodded, "Yes, she does. She stole something precious from me and I in turn took something precious from her." She fell silent for a few moments before she spoke again. "Black or white, good or evil. This world acknowledges one or the other never an in between."

"We're all shades of gray Regina." I said softly. "There is no such thing as good or evil. Just people."

"If only everyone saw it your way Emma."

I shrugged, "I've had a long time to learn that."

"Snow White is the one that first called me the Evil Queen. The moniker stuck even if I hated it."

"I don't think of you that way. I've always referred to you as the Dark Queen but never evil."

"You of all people could say that I'm evil and yet you don't. By all accounts I've made your life a living hell. I stole you from your parents, I bedded you when you were barely old enough to know what you wanted, I beat you, I had you bare a child you didn't want, I lied to you, and I'm sure there are many other acts you can say that I've done to you."

"I still don't think you're evil. Misunderstood maybe, angry and hurt, definitely, but not evil, never evil. You couldn't love Henry like you do if you were and anyone that can love a child like that is by definition not evil."

"My son means everything to me." She said softly.

"I know and that's why I know I'm correct." I strode towards her and slid my hands along her silk covered back. She twisted ever so slightly and I pressed my lips to hers and for a brief moment she allowed the contact before she pulled away.

"Emma, should anything happen to me." She began and I shook my head, pressing my lips to hers. I didn't need to know what she was going to ask.

"I'll protect him with my life Regina. You can be assured of that. He'll be safe and happy if I have my way."

"Thank you."

I nodded and she slipped her arms around my neck. "This is only the beginning my Emma. Things will change and they'll change drastically quite quickly."

"I'll protect you too. You know that right?"

She smiled softly. There was a sad edge to her eyes. "I would rather you protect Henry. You cannot protect him to the fullest of your abilities if you are looking after me as well."

"I know you have magic and you don't need my help but please Regina."

"Magic isn't an end all Emma. It's easy to contain if the opponent knows what they're doing and Snow White is intimately familiar with my abilities."

I furrowed my brows as she offered me a tiny smile. "I all ready have a death sentence on my head long before I took you from your cradle."

"She tried to kill you?"

She shrugged, "I tried to kill her what's the difference?"

My arms went around her waist and I pulled her towards me. She allowed the movement and I held her close. "Please don't put yourself in a position where you'll be harmed. I couldn't bare it."

"If it means protecting my son, I would gladly die a thousand times over."

"If Snow White is my Mother then surely she'll listen to what I have to say."

"I condemned myself many times over with her Emma. It won't make a difference."

"But if it did…would you let me protect you?"

"It won't. There is no point in thinking it will. If your Mother sees a clear shot at my heart, she'll take it."

"What if your heart isn't in your chest?"

"That's what makes me the most dangerous Emma. I have my heart, I feel too much."

I parted my lips and shook my head, "I won't let her kill you Regina."

"You won't have a choice Emma. Most likely she'll think I killed you when I kidnapped you. She won't know you."

I parted my lips and then frowned. "It won't matter. I'll keep you and Henry safe."

She smiled softly but I could tell she meant to pacify me. I didn't like being patronized but I allowed it for the moment. After all, I didn't know how many more of her smiles I'd get to enjoy.


	32. Chapter 32

**The Diary of a Queen's Pet**

**Chapter 32**

**Author's Notes: This is bitter sweet for me honestly. Diary is my baby and to know that it's ended is not something I'm completely okay with. I've had a lot of ups and downs in this piece. My abusive ex-wife and I divorced during the writing of this piece and that left a nice scar that wasn't helped by this at all but I pushed through it and I'm very proud of myself for having finished it given the circumstances of things surrounding it from working to get my business The Nerd Spa started, to my divorce, to working on my Master's degree. Emma has gone up and down with me every time. Her darkest moments often happened during mine.**

**I may at a later date write Regina's Diary in which case we will see her become what she is in this piece from her childhood to her marriage to Leopold to Emma first stepping into her life. But that's far in the future and not something I intend to pursue just yet. I do intend to start something new so if you'd like feel free to follow me on tumblr: .com and if you feel the urge check out my business /shop/nerdspa. We sell nerdy bath products in various different scent lines (Once is included!). I hope to see you guys there seeing as on Tumblr I've been posting old pieces I began and am thinking about fleshing out. If you'd like to see one of them, just let me know and I'll see what I can do about making it happen. But since we're done for now at least on this one, I hope you enjoy! ~ Scarlette**

       

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Looking back on the conversation I know what it looks like. How strange that I would choose someone that has made my life miserable, stole my decisions from me, kept me from a family and a life of a royal but that’s just it. It is strange but I wouldn’t change my mind for anything. I didn’t know these people that were my family. I didn’t know anything but her when I was a child and in my early adulthood and it was my decision to make. It was finally my decision to make. I don’t think she would’ve stopped me should I choose to seek out my parents but I didn’t want to. I didn’t care to know where I came from because to me it didn’t matter. It only mattered where I was going and what I was doing to get there. If anything that’s exactly what I was doing; I was protecting what was mine, my family. I didn’t need my parents to be apart of that equation should they choose to go after the woman I loved. And make no mistake, after everything we’ve been through I do love her. And in her own twisted way she loves me too.

I was sitting in the gardens by myself when Henry rounded the corner. A heartless guard was quick on his heels but I knew he was coming to seek me out.

“Emma, where have you been?” He asked gingerly, his brow furrowed in confusion at my lack of presence lately.

“I had something important I had to do your highness. I apologize for my absence.” I dipped my head and he cocked his head to one side studying me.

“Momma and I were worried about you.” He said and I nodded.

“Again I am sorry for my absence.”

Henry turned back to his guard and quietly dismissed him before he ran towards me and held up his little arms silently demanding I pick him up and set him in my lap, which I gladly did. Holding him made my mind quiet as I focused solely on him.

“Where did you go?” He asked, fidgeting only slightly.

I wrapped my arms around him and sighed, resting my chin on the crown of his head.

“I had to see someone important.”

“Like another royal?”

“No, a friend.”

“I didn’t know you had friends other than me.” I could hear the frown in his voice.

“I have a few but not many,” I sighed. “They took me in at a rough point in my life. Gave me food and shelter. Kept me warm at night.”

“They loved you?”

“Yes, I do believe they did Henry.”

“Momma and I love you.” He twisted on my lap and studied my pale face. He reached up, cupping my cheeks in his little hands. “Do you not love us too?”

“Oh Henry.” I said his name softly. “I do love you and your Mother very much.”

“Then why did you leave us?”

“I was trying to protect my friend as well as your Mother and you Henry. I don’t want anyone getting hurt.”

“Are you going to protect us Emma?”

“With everything I have.” I swore to him and he smiled.

“I missed you.” He offered and I smiled down at him.

“I missed you too. So much.” I really had missed him while I was gone even if it wasn’t that long.

You know the rest of the story Graham. You know what happened but for the sake of completeness I’ll write it down. Maybe it’ll be liberating for me. Maybe I won’t feel this guilt pressing down on me anymore if I continue. I can only hope so.

The days leading up to the arrival of my parents was tense; they were spotted a few days away in the remains of the Dark Forest that were slowly growing back up. Queen Regina may have burned the trees down but she didn’t salt the earth and nature does have a way of reclaiming itself once the initial shock of humanity’s thoughtlessness is no longer a factor. They made no secret that they were there or that they were heading up a rather large army. They were confident; I’d give them that much.

Chaos rained in the castle and I had barely seen the Queen for days. I spent most of my time at Henry’s side or with you, Graham, trying to prepare the castle for what we believed to be an invasion. I wanted nothing more than to join the Queen in her bed at night but that wasn’t possible. The one time I tried, she’d stayed in the war room with her generals all night. I left as soon as the sun started through the open windows. I don’t know if she came in or not.

I bided my time though. You taught me how to make arrows and that’s what I did in between trying to find places that were hidden enough that should I have to leave Henry he’d be perfectly safe. I found a few but I still wasn’t completely content to do that to him unless I had to.

The days blended together for me. It seemed I lived with a headache and tired, strained eyes. I was constantly prowling around the halls and courtyards and even the gardens. Henry was clinging to me almost constantly as the days stretched on. I felt bad for him. He would’ve gladly attached himself like a little barnacle to his Mother if given the opportunity but neither of us saw her hardly at all. I tried my best to keep him entertained and calm but I knew he could see the strain on everyone’s faces.

Then the day arrived, they were at the gates but they weren’t attacking not yet. The Queen rode out on her black warhorse, looking resplendent in her armor. I’d never seen a more beautiful sight.

You were mounted beside her Graham, I remember feeling jealousy burn in my gut wanting to be on the other side and then she looked at me.

“Get your horse, you’re coming too.” She eyed me for a moment and I scrambled off doing as I was told immediately.

It took a few minutes; I had to retrieve my bow and arrows. My sword and the knife I kept in my boot stayed on my person constantly after all. But then I was mounted at the Queen’s side and I glanced around watching for a moment before looking back at her.

“Put your hood up.” The Queen said softly.

I furrowed my brows. I’d taken to wearing a dark colored cloak should the need arise for me to hide Henry. Since most areas I’d selected were dark, I could stand guard using the cloak to hide me enough that I could at least get a drop on any attacker. I reached back and drew the cloak over my head, hiding my hair.

“Further.”

I realized what she was doing as soon as my face was hidden. We were about to face the parents she’d stolen me from and she wasn’t about to let them know I was alive until the time was right. At least I had grown enough to figure that much out about her.

I did as I was bid and slowly the heavy gates were lifted and opened. Guards rushed ahead to protect them should someone try to come inside but the soldiers remained outside the reach of the archers towards the tree lines. They were tensed though. Everyone was as we rode out. The doors slammed shut behind us and I heard them bolt and drop the metal gates ahead of it to keep everything safe.

We rode out and stopped when we were directly in between the castle and the soldiers.

The Queen remained where she was looking rather serene all things considered but Graham and I were tense. The lines broke slowly and a woman wearing shining silver armor stepped out. I was surprised to see a bow strapped to her back much like mine. Maybe I had inherited the gift from her? Then another form stepped out. This one much larger then the smaller woman; my Father I realized a moment later.

“Regina,” The woman’s clear voice rang out as she took a few steps out.

“Hello Snow. How I’ve missed you.” The Queen’s red lips were tilted up in a small smirk. She was enjoying this, I realized. After all she had something up her sleeve that no one but myself knew. I was alive and well.

The woman, Snow White, took a few more steps out and I got a good look at her. She was beautiful though older. She looked older than the Queen and I knew that wasn’t possible. White streaked through her black hair at the temples and I could see vague lines around her mouth and forehead. They must’ve been deep for me to be able to observe them from the distance. I couldn’t quite see the color of her eyes but I imagined they were the same as mine. That seemed to fit the image I had suddenly formed of her in my head.

I parted my lips as she glared at my Queen, so full of hate. I’d never looked at my Queen like that but I glanced over and saw that she had drawn herself up in the saddle. This was a show for the soldiers and perhaps even me. But the other woman’s eyes, the White Queen, she was looking at her with so much sadness and anger.

“You stole my child from me,” She began, holding out a gloved hand.

“Is that what this is about?” Regina sat back with a flourish. “I didn’t even realize.”

“You witch,” The man behind the White Queen roared and I eyed him wearily. He was the more volatile of the two. He drew his rather large sword and I reacted on instinct. My bow was off my back in an instant and I had an arrow knocked back and aimed at his heart within a breath.

Regina’s hand slipped out and gently caressed my taunt arm as the woman that had given birth to me jumped in front of her husband.

“As you can see, my knight is fiercely loyal.”

“Anyone that has to fight with a hood up isn’t a real knight.” The White Queen replied though she had yet to draw a weapon, seemingly realizing how volatile this situation was about to become.

“As you wish.” My Queen murmured then louder, “Lower your hood. Show them your face.”

I eyed the Queen for a moment before lowering my bow. I kept the arrow in my hand as I reached up and pulled my hood back. My hair spilled out behind and around me as my face was revealed for the first time.

I heard a shrill cry and I looked over to see the White Queen on the ground. My father was at her side, looking at her in total confusion before his eyes went to me. Even from the distance I could see they filled with tears quickly.

“It can’t be.” He breathed.

“But it is.” My Queen answered. “You came for her didn’t you? To end my life for supposedly ending hers well here she is. In the flesh; perfect in every way.”

“Emma?” The White Queen looked up at me and I nodded.

“Yes,” I said softly. “I am.” I added.

The White Queen shot to her feet, “Emma, darling. Come with us.” She held out her hand and I shook my head.

“What will happen if I do?” I asked.

“Nothing, nothing will happen.” She was lying. I frowned and shook my head again. Somehow, some way I knew she was lying.

“You’re lying.”

I heard a small snort from beside me and realized the dark Queen was trying to keep herself from laughing.

“You did this.” The White Queen was snarling as she looked at my Queen.

“Don’t blame Regina.” I said loudly. “I asked for this.” I wouldn’t tell them the truth, let them see how they liked it.

My Father frowned and shook his head. “That’s not possible.”

“But it is and I’m here of my own free will. If you have any feelings towards me at all you’ll leave and never come back.”

“Emma, she’s putting words in your mouth.” My Mother protested and I sighed.

“No matter what she does, no matter what she says she’ll never be anything to you beyond evil. I won’t stand aside and let you murder her.”

“We won’t.” My Mother promised and I sighed.

“You’re lying to me.”

“I’m not.” My Mother protested and I frowned.

“You are and I don’t abide liars. Return home and never come here again.”

“Emma.”

“Enough! You aren’t my parents and I’m not your daughter.” I snapped, growing agitated with their presence. “You may have given birth to me but I was never your daughter. Go home and never return. You aren’t wanted here and you certainly aren’t needed.”

I turned my horse without waiting on a word from my Queen and made my way back to the gates.

Looking back, maybe I was overly harsh or cruel or something but I couldn’t explain it in that moment. Looking back on it, I’m not sure that I can. I think they wouldn’t have been terrible parents really. But I wouldn’t be if I’d been raised by them and I had grown rather…fond of me. I didn’t want to lose that; I had fought hard to become who I was. I didn’t see black or white. I saw gray in all shades. That’s all we were; we were all gray. There was no such thing as evil or good. There was only the vast landscape of our consciousness and how we learned to cling to those around us. I’ve come a long way from what I first was to who I am now. I’m no longer the Dark Queen’s pet or the little kitchen girl or even Princess Emma of the White Kingdom. I’m simply Emma and for the first time in my life at that point I was content with that.

This is the last entry I’ll write Graham. I hope you’ve been able to stomach the worst and the best of this. You know how the story ends. I stayed with the Dark Queen and I watched our son grow up into a kind and warm young man. The war that was coming, it never came. I even see my parents now. As strange as that is to write, I still don’t think I know them though. I don’t think I ever will and my Queen.

My Dark Queen, she’s the darkest part of me and I’m the lightest part of her. Black and White coming together to make…gray.


End file.
